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Bridesmaid Woes

I'm getting married in the summer and have three bridesmaids. My twin sisters and one friend from university (Sally)

The problem is that in October I was a bridesmaid for a different uni friend (Abi). There are three of us that have always been friends. We were both bridesmaids for her a few months ago but I've only asked the unmarried one(Sally) to be mine..

The truth is that I just don't want her to be a bridesmaid. We don't actually see each other that much - I see Sally much more because she lives ten minutes away. We are much closer! I could have just said family only which would have avoided this whole situation but I really wanted Sally to be involved. 

Everyone says honesty is the best policy but it just seems too cruel. I don't want her to do a reading either but have no idea what job she could do. My fiance really can't stand her so it can't be something too major!

 Help please! We are due to meet up in two weeks. Abi knows about the wedding but knows very little else. She might be 'expecting' to be asked - she'd certainly not be expecting for me to have my sisters and our other friend and not her. 


  • what about the tradition of bridesmaids only being unmarried friends/family? or would that not apply with your sisters? 

    i totally understand wanting to soften the blow a bit. could you maybe use money and expense combined with the above as a reason if the above isnt totally plausible?

  • This is tricky poor you!  I know you are not meant to be obligated to return the favour when asking bridesmaids but that doesn't stop people from making assumptions and getting upset!  

    When I asked one of my friends, the first thing she said was, "But I'm so sorry, I can't have you in return because I've too many cousins!"  I told her not to worry at all.  It's really silly if you think about it.  

    My bridesmaids are 2 friends and my sister.  There was 3 uni friends I would have loved to have asked as well but couldn't.  I said I would have loved to have asked them but I would have felt silly with so many maids for a 70 guest wedding, and they were perfectly fine with it.  

    Could you tell her that, as the bridesmaids are costing so much each (can be £100's easily), then Tightfisted MOB/MOG is limiting you to 3?  Or say that that Groomzilla H2B is insisting that the number of bridesmaids match the number of Groomsmen?  Then make him pick 3 guys!  He will be happy to help if he really doesn't like her!  (Sorry harsh)

    Damn wedding politics.  

    As for the role, why don't you ask her to join you getting ready?  I'm doing that for my SIL to include her.  If you are having a hairdresser you could treat her to that?  For the sake of an extra £30 or so you could make her feel really special.  I think the getting ready bit is the best thing about being a bridesmaid, much better that the walking down the isle etc.  

    Everything goes down better with a spoonful of sugar.  Think favourite guest, not unsuccessful bridesmaid.

    Best xxx

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