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What Am I Doing?! - April 2020/2021 (A Tale Of Two Weddings)



  • MrsCarnegieMrsCarnegie Posts: 516 New bride
    edited February 2019
    Awww your dog is so cute ❤ We are doing things non-traditional/eloping, partly because we have no money and partly because Mr C hates the limelight/focus on him. As long as you both love your plans, your wedding will be ten times the worth of any budget xxx 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride
    Oi, I said chin up missus!
    Your dog is adorable, and I don't even really like dogs 😂
  • What a precious fur baby!  My fur baby tells you "chin up!"  Your wedding is going to be just as awesome and special as anyone else's.   

    I know it's easy to assume that people will compare, and maybe some of the more shallow friends in the group will, but most people go into a wedding just looking to have a good time.  About as soon as "Here Comes the Bride" plays, they've completely forgotten their last 11 wedding experiences and are just looking forward to the food and fizz!
  • Thank you @MrsCarnegie2be , @MrsCToBee and @KittyFiennes (your little one is gorgeous!!) , I really appreciate the constant support you all show <3 

    Had a bit of a rant and a cry to M last night about it. I think he was a bit offended but he generally understood, it isn't that I want what they have, I just wish we had it as easy as they do. Still, we have worked hard and we have got where we are on our own and that's something to be proud of. 

    I think its just been a rough start to the year. I thought I was going to lose my job, which I haven't been happy in for a while but I hit panic mode, and now i'm at a point of trying to formulate a plan for whats next but don't even know where to start. I think I've just hit that point where I've been having to make decisions on everything so much i'm just in overload with it so I don't want to have to think about anything at all. 

    Counting down to the end of next week when M and I can escape for our Spa weekend! It's nothing too fancy but we decided instead of Christmas presents we would just go away, no phones, a sauna and a bottle of Gin, I cant wait!

    As someone who never really had female friends growing up, and has always felt like a bit of an outsider wherever I end up, i'm continually amazed how fantastic everyone on this site is. I know it sounds dramatic and maybe i'm putting a bit much on strangers over the internet, but its a level of support I never thought I would have through this process so thank you <3 
  • Support is support, no matter what form it comes in... and you absolutely have it. It’s natural to compare ourselves to others and it’s okay to do that (I do it all the time! I’m with you, life is unfair) so don’t even think about feeling bad! Have an amazing time away with FH and hopefully everything will seem that much better when you come back x
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride
    edited February 2019

    One of C's best friends is getting married 3 weeks after us with a pretty much unlimited budget, they are planning it in 9 months and the bride looks like a bloody page 3 model so as always, I get where you're coming from - but you just have to focus on your life, what you can do to get to where you want to be, and congratulate yourself that you have a strength of character and determination they will never have, and it will serve you well in the future.

    Also, one thing being a mum has taught me is that lots of people are like think they have it easy, they are gliding serenely on the surface.....but underneath their little legs are paddling away like billio! Loads of people I thought had their parenting/life shit together were struggling just as much as I was when we had an honest chat about it. So don't be jealous, the likelihood is they have their own problems/insecurities etc. and loads of people I thought were financially much better off than us, in fact aren't. Another friend of C's and his wife live in the most enormous brand new 4 bed house, everyone thought they were doing really well financially, but it turns out they are in debt up to their eyeballs and spend every month juggling credit cards just to afford the food shopping.

    Weekend away sounds fab, enjoy and forget about everyone else.

  • ^^^ that
    We all compare our own worst bits to other people's edited highlights.
    Everyone struggles with something.
    (And if they really don't, I bet they will at some point in the future!)

    Money doesn't necessary make a good wedding either.
    The ones I had the best time at in the past have been the ones with a great bunch of people and a great atmosphere, not the swankiest ones!
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 951 New bride
    Loving the doggy pics. I'm more of a cat person but tempted to get a little sausage dog when we've got our new flat! We'll be next to a park so it'll be perfect for walkies!

    I agree that it can be so difficult comparing what we have to others. Facebook is evil for that! It's so easy to forget that social media is a highly airbrushed version of people's lives.

    I'm actually a massive fan of budget weddings, because in my experience they are so much more fun and memorable than the package weddings you get at some wedding venues. I can't really remember the generic sit-down meals and hired decorations, but I do remember the weddings where couples have gotten creative with their budgets and their crafty talents!

    Throughout my wedding planning I was getting quite frustrated at times that we couldn't afford to just book a hotel and wedding planning and hire in decorators to create our vision. But having just had the best wedding ever, I'm so glad we didn't spend the money on generic items and were forced to get creative ourselves. It is so much more worth it.
  • Thank you @OmRum , it feels like it just all gets a bit overwhelming and i have no idea how to get ideas out when i don't even really have any, so its lovely to hear from someone who's out the other side that it is worth it in the end. 

    I really want to get stuck into projects and i've always been a maker and creator, but when it comes to this i'm really struggling with ideas to even get me started! I seem to constantly flip between things like really elaborate invites that are pieced together and completely home made, to knowing they wont be kept anyway so whats the point, maybe i should make a handful like that and then everyone else gets a bog standard one for the fridge  :D I just don't want to waste money on things that don't matter, but my perception of what really matters is pretty much getting the legal bit done and having some food! So all the creative and potentially fun bits to do, are all the extras that really could just be culled to save time and money. 
  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,311 New bride
    OH MY GOD adorable. 
    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • I'm completely with you! I know what I want things to look like (my current confusion is the invites too) but I just can't replicate that when I make it... but I don't really want to pay the money to get them done properly. But as you say, they'll go in the bin anyway, so should that really be a worry?

    My Mum always talks about the nicest wedding she went to was really small and they went to a registry office and then a small pub lunch after because it was intimate and personal. There's a lot to be said for home-made personal touches as opposed to big elaborate weddings where the bride and groom barely get to acknowledge even half of their guests!
  • @MrsA-NToBe thats such a good point! Id hate for it to be one of those events where we dont see people and end up so removed from it. I know realistically we might not get the chance to chat to everyone, but more than anything i want everyone to just feel loved and special and have a good time. Maybe i need to shift focus on to other unusual ways to do that.
  • MrsOD19MrsOD19 Posts: 894 New bride
    @CoffeeDogAddict oh I’m sorry you’re feeling low. It’s horrible to feel left out from a group, like you’re in the outskirts! You’re not alone though and your wedding will be worth so so much more because YOUVE done it and gone through upheaval whilst doing it! I had a good friend just get engaged and I had got her invite ready to send to our wedding and I saw she’d had an enagaement party with all our other friends apart from me. It hurt like hell! My OH always says weddings bring out the worst and best in people sometimes. From reading your thread, your wedding sounds amazing and it will all be worth it ❤️ I’ll attach a pic of my little fur baby too to make you smile
  • MrsOD19MrsOD19 Posts: 894 New bride
    @CoffeeDogAddict oh I’m sorry you’re feeling low. It’s horrible to feel left out from a group, like you’re in the outskirts! You’re not alone though and your wedding will be worth so so much more because YOUVE done it and gone through upheaval whilst doing it! I had a good friend just get engaged and I had got her invite ready to send to our wedding and I saw she’d had an enagaement party with all our other friends apart from me. It hurt like hell! My OH always says weddings bring out the worst and best in people sometimes. From reading your thread, your wedding sounds amazing and it will all be worth it ❤️ I’ll attach a pic of my little fur baby too to make you smile
  • MrsOD19MrsOD19 Posts: 894 New bride

    Bruiser says: ‘don’t be sad! You’ve got this!!’
  • CharleahCharleah Posts: 248 New bride

    😚 your day will be special and perfect, no matter what day anyone else is having x 
  • @Blondiebride2019 ohh Bruiser is too cute!!! Thank you for your kind words, i'm sorry you've been in a similar situation, its so hard isn't it? I'm sure people don't mean to do these things maliciously, but it does hurt. 

    @Charleahv thats a really lovely little quote, im 100% going to stick that on my phone for when i inevitably have another wobble, thank you! <3
  • So I had ordered another pair of shoes from TKMaxx that arrived yesterday. I love the ones i have but they're absolutely horrific to walk in, and i'm not bad in heels usually. The curve for the foot is just too vertical for me! 
    I'm gutted because they're really comfy and looked great, but they were too big in my usual size, and appear to be sold out everywhere except in the size I bought. 

    Related image

    I'll just keep looking around, but they were only £16 so it was ideal!! All i'm looking for is a block heel (or something sturdy feeling) and if possible no pointed toes, I will wear them but they look a bit severe to me sometimes, and I have such small feel (UK 3/4) that the point can end up being half the length of my foot again!  :D 

    In the summer ill probably hit Cambridge or something and just do a day of hitting all the main stores to see what i can find. I don't really need them until this time next year anyway for alterations. 
  • I'm sure you have, but have you tried Asos? I got some that look very similar to the TKMaxx ones, just a little less sparkly but still with the block heel and round front and they were super easy to walk in when they arrived!
  • I'm sure you have, but have you tried Asos? I got some that look very similar to the TKMaxx ones, just a little less sparkly but still with the block heel and round front and they were super easy to walk in when they arrived!
    Ill take another look thank you! I have had a browse but not too recently and i tend to get fed up ok looking after 5 mins haha thank you for the tip! 
  • haha, I'm with you! The list of wedding to-buy's seem never ending!
  • Those shoes are really pretty! You could always wear them for the ceremony and pictures and then switch to some pretty flipflops or something for the rest of the night. I got some gorgeous sparkly white/silver ones for my sister's wedding a few years ago and I still have them :)
    @Blondiebride2019 Bruiser is a Chi too, yes?  I love my little Chi girl. Mine is still a pup (8 months).

    I agree completely with whomever already posted about cost not being an indicator of a good time at a wedding.  I've been to fun and boring weddings and they can happen on both ends of the financial curve.  I think what makes a wedding the best these days is giving the wedding personality and unique-ness.  You know, not just doing something because it's "the done thing."  Sorry, but the "done thing" gets boring after a while. And being creative doesn't have to cost a lot - it doesn't have to cost anything, in fact! Just the way you schedule the day can be fun and different, like changing up how you walk down the aisle or when/ how you do pictures. 

    I feel you about what to spend time/ money on and what not to bother with.  I think there are loads of things brides put a lot of effort into that largely get ignored or under-appreciated.  I think it's pick-and-choose, where you spend the time and effort on the things you will appreciate, even if no one else does.
  • MrsGtoBMrsGtoB Posts: 712 New bride
    Just wanted to send you a huge hug!

    Your wedding is about you and H2B and on the day nothing else will matter. It will be the best day of your life regardless of anything else going on.

    My shoes only lasted until the dancing started, then I was glad I bought primark fur sliders for guests 😂
  • MrsOD19MrsOD19 Posts: 894 New bride
    @KittyFiennes yes he is!! He’s 13 now and he’s my absolute baby ❤️ They’re the best dogs in the world (in my opinion) haha @CoffeeDogAddict I second the idea of sparkly flip flops for the evening!! Next always have gorgeous ones and they’re super comfy and they’re really sturdy too! Or some cute sliders are a fab idea too!
  • Tuesdays hate me. I was up half the night unwell, woke up feeling fine so went to work, was ill again, and then the side zip on my trousers broke, so i'm now being held in with safety pins from the medical box. Can i try again  :D

    I've tried the shoes with some heel grips but it just isn't enough, so they're going to have to go back. Unless something jumps out at me now i think ill just take your advice and wear the first lot of shoes i have for the photos, and then change into something for the dancing, i'm thinking glittery Keds or Converse, whatever i can get my hands on haha. 

    Other than that not a huge amount has happened. We have our first tasting booked for March 6th and this is just the general one that everyone gets. We figured it'll be a good way to see whats on offer, and then we can decide what we want to go for for our private tasting which is booked for the end of May. I don't imagine we will change our minds on the BBQ family style food, but you never know! 

    We have also decided we will go with the macrons as favours, purely because we can get them at cost and my aunts neighbour is so excited to be involved. My cousin wants to help too, he loves to cook so its lovely they all get a bit of a part in it.

    I was looking at what to put them in and suddenly realised HOW wasteful weddings can be. Seems bonkers to pay £40 for plastic boxes to put some treats in that will alllllll go in the bin, and even the card ones seem quite a lot for something that gets chucked! I'm not exactly an eco warrior but i really do feel a need to try and avoid adding to the waste if possible. Due to this i think were going to go for small paper bags, with maybe a sticker to seal but i do need to check they're actually recyclable first! 

    Has anyone found they've been a little more conscious of the impact of things when planning or am i just being really weird? 

  • Hello!

    New reader here!  Just read through your whole thread, there's a lot to catch up on!  Our wedding is June 2020, and we've been engaged since June 2017, so I know how you feel when people say 'it's ages away', but we also needed to budget and save!  It's good to have the time to just have space away from wedding planning when needed though, which we wouldn't get if rushing it all through in 9 months, regardless of budget.

    Firstly, congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  I know it's hard, but please don't worry about what xyz are doing or spending... only shallow people would be making comparisons.  My bestie is getting married this May; I don't give a hoot about their colour scheme/food choices/decorations... I just can't wait to watch a lovely man promise to love and cherish my best friend for life, and make their family complete.  That's how your guests will feel at your wedding, and if you think they won't, don't invite them :):smile:

    Secondly, shoes!! I have a similar problem, I have very wide but small feet so feel limited in choice.  I want to be pretty but comfy.. the search continues...

    Thirdly... I'm loving that your super aunt and cousin want to help out so much, you're very lucky!

    Finally... I think your dog is adorable xxx

    PS, I feel for you with the work trousers malarkey, I've been wearing leggings under my work uniform trousers for the last month as they have holes in but the company are reluctant to replace :s:s

  • Also, I forgot to mention, we're also conscious of the environmental impact of the wedding, and as we're marrying in Zakynthos, we're not doing wedding favours but sponsoring some turtles instead!

    It's ridiculous the amount of unneccesary plastic involved in weddings!
  • @abiscott you deserve a medal for reading through all my ramblings!! thank you for sticking it out, i promise i'm trying to be less negative these days (Its been a whole few days, go me!)

    You're completely right, i just need to stop thinking the worst in it all i guess. 

    I love that you're getting married in Zakynthos, that sounds absolutely dreamlike! Have you got a planning thread? 
  • Your ramblings have been lovely to read!  It's refreshing for someone to be so honest, that wedding planning is not actually all sparkle and glitter. 

    I shall do a planning thread....when I actually do more planning than just putting the deposit down ;)
  • We bought a thing! 

    We decided way back when that we wanted to incorporate a Wagon Wheel into the decor somehow, as our first break away together was in this gorgeous wagon, where the whole end was a wheel with glass panels (were going back to their sister site for our mini moon). 
    Image result for the wagon in the woods

    So i thought the easiest way is probably the table plan. I looked and looked, and bearing in mind it would need to be able to fit onto an easel of some form, the genuine traditional ones didn't look like they would work, they're just too big and heavy (much to Ms dismay - he really wanted a big proper one) but i found this in B&M and my mum is in there on a daily basis these days so she managed to find it! 

    Yes it isn't exactly traditional looking but were probably going to sand it a bit and stain it a bit darker, and it saves so much logistical hassle of getting it there, putting it up, and storing it after, plus it was only £9.99!

    I'm sure once M gets over the fact it isn't an actual massive wheel he will be happy too  :D

    Once i've picked it up and actually know what size it is we will figure out how to do it, i think either with string wound through with the details on card hanging off, or i might look into some perspex panels to put in between each spoke with vinyl names on, but that's a decision for a much later date. 

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