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What Am I Doing?! - April 2020/2021 (A Tale Of Two Weddings)



  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 370 New bride
    Absolutely seconding @MrsJM2b2021's kind offer! We are all happy to help :) x
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,485 New bride
    Oh @MrsJM2b2021 & @AmyFSToBe how sweet of you both, thank you!!

    M actually surprised me with a booking this morning <3 it's the week after but that's absolutely fine by me, gives up plenty of time to get sorted and calm. Were heading here!

    Yesterday my little yorkie had a bit of a scare, she got some food stuck and couldn't breathe, couldn't cough it up or get it out at all, just one of those split second things. We called a local vets who were amazing and talked me through what to do to get her airways clear but afterwards i was a bit of a mess. I ended up just spilling the beans on how overwhelming everything felt and how crap it was to just not even have small things to be excited about. I  get so guilty about spending money too so i was trying to do absolute cheap as chips and felt silly spending money, whereas hes the one that looks at the actual value of what the experience is for us. We figured even if it has to be pushed back or anything then we can use it for my birthday in March, so we wont lose out.

    I'm really lucky to have him, he is so rational and balanced when i'm haywire.

    I ordered a storage box for my dress as well today so fingers crossed i can make it fit! Even the XL ones on amazon were all about the same depth, and the price shot up from around £30 to £170 for the super deep ones and i really cant justify that! As sad as it feels its good to face it now, and i can start working on getting things back into order.

    After the August date (i still don't know what to call it  :D Legal wedding feels like a mouthful, wedding feels like an exaggeration, maybe Part 1!) We were thinking of having a different side of the family over each afternoon/evening for a bbq/takeaway/afternoon tea type thing in the garden (only 1 household at a time of course) so i'm starting to feel excited about little things for those, maybe getting some cupcakes made, a few little decoration bits, that kind of thing. Mostly because its a nice excuse to see people and have anb afternoon with family at the moment, but i think it does mean a lot to our parents, and Ms side have been so incredible i cant fault them, and my side have been their own kind of supportive (as much as they can manage!) but they have been nice about the fact were doing it, we haven't (yet) had any sarcastic comments or negativity (to our faces anyway!) so it would be nice to have a little thank you for them.

    I'm trying to work out how best to tell other family members and our friends now. Its that fine line of letting them know because it isn't the kind of thing you can easily keep secret, but also not making it seem like its a big deal.

    Thank you for being so wonderful! <3

  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 370 New bride
    Oh how sweet of him! The place he booked looks gorgeous and perfect for some time away.
    Haha I like Part 1 - makes it known there's still another part to come! That's such a nice idea, not too overwhelming for you and a chance to celebrate with everyone in a relaxed way. Ooh can't wait to see what little bits you can pick up for decor and all the delicious food! Will you buy a special outfit/dress/jumpsuit for your legal ceremony/Part 1? Any inspo already??
    I think a very simple drop-into-conversation "we're doing a small legal ceremony in August but the celebration of our marriage with all our loved ones is to come in April!" is fine :)
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 226 New bride
    edited 29 June
    Sorry you've been having a tough time! This has been just such a rollercoaster for you, and who could even have imagined the past few months, so I think you're doing bloody brilliantly, and how exciting to have something to look forward to in August. The wagon looks amazing too - we are thinking of trying to book somewhere for a couple of nights away in August/September and it's reminded me to check out canopy and stars.
    It's so hard to know how to think about the August date - I guess I'd say try to think of it as an 'extra' celebration/event in addition to everything you will have in April, rather than taking anything away from that day to come, and of course one where you guys will be legally married by the end!
    I second @AmyFSToBe - are you planning a special outfit for that day? How fun to be able to start thinking and planning that!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,485 New bride
    I've got a few ideas for an outfit but the more I think about it the more I'm leaning towards one particular dress. 

    I was originally thinking it's a great excuse to wear a dress totally different to my current one, and I found a lovely Lipsy cowl neck one, but it will need alterations which honestly I can't be bothered with 😂 and as beautiful as it is, it feels quite fancy for what were going for really.

    M once against being the absolute star than he is told me to treat myself to this dress I saw and love, AND I can wear it again 

    It will hopefully be here this week, but out doesn't work or suit then I'll probably just wear the jumpsuit I wore for my hen do!

    I do want some new shoes though, so I need to try and figure out what style and colour that I can wear again normally afterwards, probably just some from ASOS or New Look I reckon. 

    The next 6 weeks I'm going to have to be much more careful with my lockdown diet 🙈 Im not actually sure my ring still fits! I got half a size down from my engagement ring (god knows why!) And I have most definitely not stayed the same weight through all this 😂. At least I have less of a reason to sit and eat all my feelings now. 

    Were off to give notice this afternoon, it's an hour round trip because there's one office in our area thats open and of course it's the furthest away. It seems so pointless to have to go and do it again when the details haven't changed but hopefully it'll be a quick one, and it's nicer knowing what to expect. 

    I'm waiting for a call back from the registry office today as well to make the payment, and want to check what the Ceremony will actually look like. I've seen guidance that said it basically needs to be kept to the bare minimum and as short as possible, but we weren't planning on doing any readings this time anyway. We will be walking down the aisle together, but again I think we may need to be in the room first and then guests filter in so we aren't walking past them all. In theory we should only need to pick a few songs for the entrance/Signing and the exit! Although at this stage I couldn't care, they can play anything and I'll be happy haha. 

    My cousin has said he will get a few photos for is which is really nice, and I'll ask someone to film it on their phone I think just so we have it, but then that's it! 

    I think I'm more excited about 3 days sat in a hot tub drinking everything I can 😂🥂
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 370 New bride
    Oh that dress is gorgeous!! Also it'll be lovely and floaty in the (hopefully hot) August weather! I got some shoes off New Look recently and they are having a great sale.
    Haha have you got your ring at home to try and see? Fingers crossed it fits fine, I'm sure it will!
    Hope giving notice and the call from the registrar all goes well, so many different things to think about with social distancing etc! Hot tub and bubbly almost sounds like the best bit 😂😉
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,485 New bride
    edited 30 June
    Ok so everything’s paid for now, but they don’t seem to be that on the ball for letting people know what’s happening or how things will be done! 

    Only after paying, when I asked, they advised we can only have 12 guests including the photographer 😳 this isn’t a huge problem it isn’t like we’re inviting everyone, but it’s literally 1 person over which makes it really awkward to have to turn around and tell 1 person they can’t come. Unfortunately, the 1 person it would need to be is quite difficult and although she is really lovely, she takes everything personally and has stopped her boyfriend (Ms brother) from going to a friends wedding before when she wasn’t invited even though she had never met them. 

    Im sure she will be ok with it but there’s been a lot of upset with them within the family recently so it’s going to be hard to make sure it doesn’t look like we’re excluding her for the sake of it, it’s just she’s literally the only non blood relative we would have there. 

    Told a few friends and they’ve all been good, although Ms friends went “oh look like you’ll need witnesses, we’ll be there!” And didn’t understand why we can’t have the whole 30 that keeps being talked about, which is such a shame but there’s nothing we can do. I still haven’t told my dad but I’ll cross that bridge soon I’m sure. I’ve had to explain to my mum about 100 times why we can’t break the rules and why we can’t do this or that, she was saying she wants my step dad to walk with me and thought the fact it’s a wedding should override the pandemic. I know she means well but it’s exhausting, I might just get screenshots of the current regulations and just send those every time I get asked “but can’t we just...”😂 

    My my new dress is on its way! I’ve already been looking at shoes but I haven’t got a clue where to start, I thought something a light blue might be nice but I want a low heel and closed toe and that seems to be hard to find in a style that isn’t dowdy.  I bought myself a new bikini to wear on the honeymoon too along with the bits I already had so I am starting to feel that tiny spark of excitement! I’m not going to get my hopes up too much but I’m crossing everything I can! 

    Heres my small list of things I think we need to sort: 
    - Ceremony planning, picking vows etc - 2 weeks to get back to them.
    - Tie for M
    - Dress & shoes for me & jewellery 
    - Cute collar for for dog (for the bbqs afterwards)
    - Cupcakes/cake/treats for bbqs afterwards
    - Decorations for house and garden 
    - Thank you cards for those attending
    - Reserved seating cards for ceremony so each house knows where’s safe to sit
    - Practice hair and make up
    - Send meal and parking information 
    - Rope someone into filming it for us
    - Work out what family on what days, and what food for each!

    That’s all I can think of at the moment but if there’s anything I’ve missed let me know!
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 370 New bride
    Firstly, your new thread title is so CUTE.
    I've seen a lot of registry offices that are only doing 6 (couple, 2 x registrars, 2 x witnesses) so at least 12 is a bit better - and you have an easy answer for the Nan question now? Frustrating they didn't say anything before though.
    Eesh how annoying about M's brother's GF. People really can't just be selfless for a day can they? Good luck!! Hopefully M is dealing with breaking that news so you don't have to worry about it?
    I am all for the screenshots, or just a 'right, we're not talking about this anymore" 😂
    So exciting looking at that list!! I have been hunting for blue shoes as well so I will keep an eye out for any that look nice. Maybe think about what you want to do with your nails? A shame salons aren't open yet (although they could be by then) but I'm sure you can do it yourself. Got to get ready for all those hand shots as a MARRIED woman!!!!
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 370 New bride
    I knew I had a whole bunch of blue shoes saved!
    New Look - technically green, but still kinda blue haha
  • Emma822Emma822 Posts: 22 New bride
    edited 30 June
    I’m sorry that you’re having such a rubbish time, but I bet that those few days away will be so lovely... and you’ll BE MARRIED!!! How bloody exciting!
    I love the idea of ‘Part 1’ and ‘Part 2’, or even ‘the small wedding’ and ‘the big wedding’! It’s so cool too, because if you wanted to have a ceremony next year, one of your besties could do it, and make it super personal and/or funny.
    I’m so excited to hear all about your next few weeks and all of the bbqs you’ll have to celebrate! 💖
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,485 New bride
    @AmyFSToBe you are the absolute best HypeWoman ever thank you so so much!! 
    Yeah M is taking the lead on that so that's nice, and most people seem to have calmed down with all the opinions now so it's been a calmer day! 

    Those shoes are gorgeous thank you!! My dress should be here any day now so I'll get ordering once I'm 100% (although I think I'm already really set on it, unless it makes me look awful)

    I do my own gel nails usually so I was thinking of maybe doing a super pale pinky sparkle? Or I could do blue too, but I'm a fan of a subtle sparkle so I think it'll have to have a layer of that at least! 

    Thank you so much @Emma822 ! I think I'll include the full run down on both parts when I write up how each day went too, you never know it might be helpful for someone else! 

    I think we will end up using a lot of the same decorations but we will start looking at that this week I think. 

    Off to pick up my original dress soon! Actually kind of glad to be having it back, I can try it on and take some time to really think about what look I want to go for in April now. 
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 370 New bride
    Hahah I will gladly take the title of HypeWoman! Oh great, so glad people have calmed down a bit.
    Can't wait until you get the dress! I'm sure it's going to look stunning.
    Oh that's so good you can do your gels at home - I think either colour would look lovely!
  • GallaGalla Posts: 112 New bride

    I havent been able to login for months and still cant on my iphone or ipad, its working on my laptop now though (YAYW ignoring my emails asking them to fix it!!) but I have been reading your updates and thinking of you. 

    I'm glad things are working out for you! Wedding part 1 will be beautiful and fun, and you can celebrate with your husband on your weekend away. Then party time next year for part 2! You get to have 2 weddings!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,485 New bride
    The dress is here 🎉 I'm sat by the window above our front door so raced down the stairs as soon as a i saw the postie walk by 😂

    So I like 99% love it, but I worry the little bit across the deep v looks funny, it's like it's pulling on one side? To be honest it looks like that in the website photos too so I think I just need to get over it, because it's really beautiful and I actually felt really excited in it ❤️

    And this shows the bit that looks pulled.. sorry about the chest close up! 

    I've bought a test pair of those boob lift sticker things 🙈 depending on their success I might look at a super deep v bra but its not something I'll ever wear again so I'll see what works I guess. 

    We also heard back from our favourite celebrant and she's still free for our new date, although as it's a bank holiday she's a bit more expensive but having her plus this legal Ceremony only works out around £200 mor expensive which I don't think is awful considering. If we had opted for a 2+2 legal wedding it would have been way cheaper, but not what we wanted. 

    I think I should look at getting a nice necklace, maybe one I could also wear for WP2 as I'd never got around to sorting that.

  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 370 New bride
    The dress is gorgeous!! And I literally would never seen that tiny pull if you hadn't mentioned it (tbh I still can't really) so do not worry about it. The socks really round off the look ;)
    I think a necklace would look lovely - maybe a longer delicate one? What sort of style are you thinking?
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 310 New bride
    I've not been able to get on here for ages so had so much to catch up on! How exciting to have a small ceremony this year, that's we were hoping to do (that plan died on it's arse) and I'd taken to referring to the legal ceremony as either "the marriage" or "the garden wedding" and the big day next year is "the wedding".

    Your dress is lovely and very you! It took me ages to figure out what you meant by it pulling to one side so definitely not noticeable at all. I completely agree with Amy that a long delicate necklace would look great with that neckline. 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,485 New bride
    edited 4 July
    Thanks both! I actually just found a necklace that I like for WP2 but I'm going to try it with my WP1 dress as well because it matches my earrings well, and although it's not delicate I think it might still work because it's got that kind of long look. I've found a few backups just in case. 

    This is the one I've bought

    And these are a few others I think might be nice if need be:

    I might also just go for a solitaire on a longer chain if I really struggle, something classic and that I can wear again
  • MrsW2020MrsW2020 Posts: 27 New bride
    So glad you've been able to sort out a legal ceremony for this year! Not long to wait now :blush:

    That dress is gorgeous and I don't think you can go wrong with any of those necklace choices! I do love the one you've ordered though :love:
  • MrsJM2b2021MrsJM2b2021 Posts: 41 New bride
    Ahhh I thought I'd replied after you booked your honeymoon, I must have forgotten to press send! It looks lovely, and Cornwall is one of my favourite places in the country! 

    I also second everyones opinion on your dress. Its so beautiful! And in all honesty I'm still not sure what bit you think is pulled?! 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,485 New bride
    Thank you! Still working on some shoes but hopefully I'll get something ordered this week :) 5 weeks to go today! 

    We've got a zoom meeting with a celebrant later for April, it'll be nice to have a little moment to get excited about that later!

    We had a really stressful and hectic weekend but last night sat and had dinner at the table, no distractions and we both opened up quite a lot about how we're feeling about all this. M was so supportive and honest about his fears too, and although we don't think its necessary really, because I'm so anxious about things for April going wrong again and I just have this general dread that it's just not meant to happen for us, we made a few other plans just in case. 

    At the moment I feel like it doesn't matter how close we get, it could just be taken away at any second. I think it's just unfortunate that those feelings tie in with general issues I struggled with anyway, so it just really exasperated it back in march.

    I've seen a lot of posts on groups this weekends fro couples who went ahead and got married within the restrictions, but they all seem to have flouted the current regulations in England of the 6 people outside or two households. I don't mean to sound like a bore but it feels quite difficult when I'm really not willing to do that. We don't have the space in the house to socially distance with more than one other group of around 4/5 and outside I don't want it to be glaringly obvious that were doing whatever we want, that's not how I want to look back on the day.

    Sorry for the rant, but it feels so frustrating. I know some of it is just stupid, and it's ridiculous that we can have the guests in the same room for a Ceremony but not a meal, and that we can sit surrounded by strangers in a restaurant but can't book separate tables for family, but I just do t want anyone to be able to look at our day and feel like we had to do something wrong for it to go ahead.

    Were still trying to navigate all the issues with guest numbers and how to do some appropriate celebrations afterwards and how to split it all, but it's definitely not easy! I was hoping to look at posts from this weekend as some inspiration but it would appear not! 

    I'm half tempted to try and move the time back, it's at 12 which feels like a bit of a rush now and as it stands we don't know if we will actually be able to do anything with anyone afterwards (how do you pick which side you celebrate with right away,it's so political!)  But equally don't want to tempt fate and give it more time to go wrong 🙈

    I hope one day I'm less neurotic about life! 😂😆
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 226 New bride
    Firstly, I love that dress - what a fab find!
    Secondly, totally get the feeling that it all might get taken away at any moment - I struggle with feeling a lot like that generally in life... as though my life is just too good and it surely can't last. I'm not sure if that's exactly what you mean, but I definitely feel you, and having all this angst with the wedding certainly doesn't help! But that's great that you guys had a chance to just tune in to each other and chat about it all.
    I agree that you don't want to look back on the day and feel like you broke the rules. It's so damn hard. Personally I think some of the rules are ludicrous - why is 30 people inside ok (I know it's less for you), but not even half of that allowed outside where it is actually much safer!? I don't think that we should be meeting in groups of 15 right now, but it just seems such a disconnect that 30 are allowed for the ceremony when it's still groups of six in all other scenarios.
    Is there a way that you can organise even just a socially distanced drink outside straight after the ceremony with all 12? Or even just you guys and parents from each side, which I know would be more than two households but would at least be closer to six in numbers? Or is there a way that you can book two tables of six at a restaurant for afterwards, and ask for those tables to next to each other (surely safer than having strangers at the table next to you!) Sorry if none of this is workable, but I feel there should be a solution of some kind in there somewhere - I hope you can find a way around without flouting all the rules!

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,485 New bride
    Thank you so much! You hit the nail on the head, it's exactly how I feel with it just all being taken away, it's hard at the best of times. I hope you've been managing ok with all the craziness. 

    Yeah that's exactly it, I don't really want anything big and I still feel uncomfortable in groups, and I wholeheartedly want safety to be at the forefront but it does seem silly that theyve all been in the same room so what difference does it make? I think I'll try and contact a few more pubs but so far they've all said they can't accommodate it. 

    We did think what we might try and work is going to my parents garden before the ceremony (it would mean being ready by about 9:30am so not a relaxing morning!) And having a little toast (booze free due to driving) and then heading over to the Ceremony, then afterwards having Ms family come to ours for some food, and then just having mine over the following day. 

    I don't want to rely too much on going to a pub or somewhere else in case that gets pulled out too but I suppose this has definitely proven we can plan and re plan quickly! 

    Ultimately I don't think any of it matters too much, everyone will understand, I just feel like going straight home would be a bit flat, but we can work around whatever is allowed. Who knows what they might say in the July announcement! 
  • GallaGalla Posts: 112 New bride
    I think its way too easy to overthink this stuff right now. Just because things are changing and lockdown is easing realllllllly quickly. I'd maybe hang off a few weeks and see what other changes Boris brings in before then before you make a decision on what to do.

    I love all those necklaces but my fav is the last one! Beautiful
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 370 New bride
    That first necklace is exactly like the earrings I like too! Where is the necklace from?
    Sorry to hear that your weekend was a bit crazy but sounds like a lovely chance to spend time together and have a conversation about everything. I echo Galla - maybe wait a few weeks before putting pressure on yourself to decide? Your plan sounds good though!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,485 New bride
    Yeah you're both right! I suppose whatever happens it isn't like anyone particularly needs much notice, it won't be anything fancy or far away! 

    The necklace is from Etsy, the seller has some other beautiful ones too! It only comes as a set but I thought for the price it wasn't a bad deal at all. This is the link:

    Just ordered some shoes to try in the Dorothy Perkins sale, couldn't resist a bargain and again I think I was just over thinking it and focusing on it way more than I needed to! Anything to distract from the current events. They were only £12.50!

    We've also ordered a tie for M but I'll have to wait until it arrives for a picture, it was from an Instagram sample sale and they only had one distant picture of it but we had seen it before so knew it was nice! 

    I think that's basically everything we needed to do now! We will look at cupcakes and decor when we know a bit more of what's happening but that's either a local baker or its it's a quick trip to Aldi!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,485 New bride
    Shoes arrived! And so did the boob things so I tested them out and I think we have a solution! All for £2.99 on eBay, very happy! 

    I think the shoes work! I know they might look a little dowdy because tyre really plain but I didn't know what else would go. I should maybe have chosen a less matte look but that's getting a bit too into it I think. Because I have issues with my feet from years of running and dancing I need closed toe and a block heel is always a safe bet 😂

    Just waiting on the tie and necklace to arrive and then we're all good! 

    I had a big bust up with my mum yesterday, I won't go into details because it's exhausting but basically she wants us to break the regulations to have a party (which I don't even want anyway) and then she apologized for steamrollering me and making me tell her I wish we never got engaged, and then she carried on telling me she's going to try and book us into pubs we don't even like, when we've already sent enquiries and funnily enough it doesn't matter if it's for a wedding, it's still not allowed 🙄 she even started the message with "forgive me for trying to hijack your day" and then later on "while I'm pissing you off already..." So she knows it's not helpful! She is just really struggling to understand were fitting a wedding into a pandemic, not having a wedding and there just so happens to be a pandemic happening.

    She was also mega supportive in telling me that April might not happen so I need to feel special in August because it might be all we get, and if April doesn't happen we have to just get over it and accept we will lose thousands of pounds...

    Family eh?
  • MrsE2be2020MrsE2be2020 Posts: 52 New bride
    I think it all looks great together and the shoes dont look dowdy they look very classy  :)
    But if it is bothering you how about getting some sort of clip on shoe accessory, there are loads online and not all big crystal things, like this

    I feel your pain about the family drama, I heard about one this week my aunt accidentally messaged my mum and their other sister rather than just the other sister to say she felt like boycotting my wedding because I didn't invite my cousins, who i dont have a relationship with, and are not even her children! My mum wasn't going to tell me but when she did i said that its her choice and im not going to loose sleep over it!
    It must be so much harder with it being your mum being a pain and she is fully aware of it, so massive hugs. I personally have just been very straight with everyone that this is mine and H2B's wedding and we are paying for it so we are doing it our way. 
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 370 New bride
    You look lovely and I love the shoes!! Also with the embroidery on your dress, I think it's nice to have a plainer colour shoe so that the attention isn't taken away from the detail :blush:
    So sorry to hear about your mum - before I started planning I never truly realised how horrendous wedding planning is in terms of unwanted opinions/unnecessary drama, but it's so true that it happens. Just hold strong, it's your and M's day (no one else's!) so only your decisions matter. Sending you big hugs and lots of strength! xx
  • Northern_brideNorthern_bride Posts: 221 New bride
    The dress is so pretty and like Amy said, I think plain shoes work best with the detail on the dress. I love a block heel too!

    Sorry about your mum, I would hate it if anyone tried to take over our plans, I'm very stubborn! 
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 310 New bride
    The shoes look fab with the dress!

    I'm so sorry your mum's still being difficult. I think you might need to put her back on the information diet and just be really blunt with your responses to her. If she sends a text full of nonsense just reply "no" then mute your notifications so you don't even need to think about her!

    You're absolutely right sticking to your guns over the social distancing, the global pandemic and health of everyone takes priority over any of our weddings. It sucks but some things are just more important! 
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