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What Am I Doing?! - April 2020/2021 (A Tale Of Two Weddings)

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  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,515 New bride
    Sorry I've been so absent! We were all planned and sorting cute little details and goody bags and then BoJo had to open his big mouth on Friday... 

    We were initially a bit fed up to be honest, but at the end of the day were no worse off than when we first booked the Ceremony, as receptions hadn't been allowed then anyway.

    We're back to the original plan of having each side of the family over for a BBQ/meal either the same week or the weekend and honestly I'm completely ok with this, and actually quite excited to buy a bunch of decorations online and just have at it! We bought a nice gazebo to put in the garden (we needed one anyway so it was a good excuse) and we will just figure out those details in the days that follow 😂 nothing like a bit of pressure! 

    The pub we had booked with are still saying it can go ahead, even though the actual booking form says "Wedding reception" (which we never actually called it) so that might be a bit awkward to try and get our deposit back. I feel bad because they have been really good but the new/old/clarified rules on it are pretty black and white now, and we personally feel like any way around it is a loophole that just doesn't suit comfortably with us. 

    I did bugger all of any value to the minimony at the weekend and painted the kitchen tiles instead, so this week I HAVE to practice my make up and hair, I still need to find a lipstick I like (I never wear it so it's hard to pick) and we need to sort out outfits, and I need to put the sticky boob's to the test properly, don't need that malfunction on the day! 

    Rings still fit, outfits are mostly arranged, shoes need wearing in, I got my hair done so I'm finally blonde again, I need to sort my nails because *of course* three nails across both hands broke last week when they have been the perfect length and super strong for weeks now...the only last bit really good s how to film it but I don't think we will know until the day. We have one tall and one short tripod, but we would just be using phones as the Go Pro we have has a rubbish mic. We don't want anything fancy at all, just basically so I can send it to my dad as I know he's gutted to not be there with us. When he left he gave me a little bag with a silver sixpence he's had in his room all this time, and some earrings and a card that says to open it on the morning of! It's really sweet. We have had a lot of issues but honestly this is the most effort he's made in the last decade so I'll take it. 

    I feel like I'm forgetting so much but equally, it's such a simple day there's really not much to it! Now we are just having the Ceremony and then maybe popping to a park for some photos and then that's it, off home! We moved our dinner reservation forward to 5 so we can freshen up in-between but then have the whole evening at home to just hang out and drink a bunch! Were thinking of just having a nice little day out on the Tuesday as I've booked it off too, maybe go for a hike or find a new nature reserve to check out and take a picnic along. 

    I'm really excited about going away. My aunt and the family just came back from two weeks in Cornwall and she said it was actually really well managed in most areas, and it's easy to avoid the places that aren't! She said the car parks in St Ives gave the warning so they just went back to their rental instead. I don't actually think we will go anywhere or do anything that out and about, n maybe a daily trip for a pastie and that's it! 

    I just keep getting these pangs of the relief thinking about when it's done, it feels so oddly emotional. When we initially decided this was right for us we definitely played it down, barely told anyone, I wasn't going to change my name and we weren't going to put it on social media or anything but i think the more we've talked about it and the closer it's got we really have stopped giving a damn about what everyone might think. As we've gradually told more people we've had such lovely responses and everyone's been so excited for us. It feels nice to not feel like it's something we need to be shy about anymore 🥰

    I still worry a lot about April, just the nature of having anxiety at the best of times anyway, but for the first time since March I feel like I can see a light, and a little pocket of happiness on its way ❤️
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,515 New bride
    Oh I forgot! I bought this headband at the beginning of lockdown on AliExpress and tried it with my dress after I'd had my hair done, what do you think? I quite like it, helps break up the look a bit and adds to the whole boho vibe! (Sorry for the messy room) 



    And this is a lipstick I've tried so far, im leaning towards thinking a matte finish doesn't suit me, what do you all think? I literally never wear lipstick but I'd like to, just to feel a bit more put together. I think maybe trying something with a slight shimmer to it and a bit less flat may work.  (Also probably doesn't help I don't have any other make up on so I look ill with clown lips 🤣)

  • MrsE2be2020MrsE2be2020 Posts: 70 New bride
    edited 4 August
    I'm so sorry that Bojo changed things and with such short notice, but I am so pleased to read that you are able to do the ceremony and are having a plan to celebrate with your families.

    The headband is beautiful and personally I like a matte lip as I find it lasts longer but that shade looks lovely on you, very english rose :)
  • I'm glad you're not too down about the last-minute change to what's allowed at wedding receptions, I did think of you when I heard!
    The headband is lovely and goes perfectly with the dress! I like the lip colour but I also prefer a less matte finish - not that I wear lipstick very often! 
    Hopefully you have nice weather on the day and for the BBQs, your plans sound lovely. Will you have anyone with you at the ceremony? 
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 395 New bride
    Oh I'm so pleased your plans haven't been too derailed and sounds like you're in a really good headspace about everything! 5 days until you're a Mrs 🤗
    Also how nice of your dad to do that, and as you said, it's a lovely gesture and hopefully the start of building back that relationship.
    Headband and lipstick colour look great!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,515 New bride
    edited 5 August
    Thanks all! @Northern_bride for our Ceremony we can have 12 people, so we have my mum, stepdad and sister, M's parents and two siblings, then my aunt, uncle and cousins who are like my other set of parents 😂 it's a complicated dynamic but it works! 

    My mum has been kicking off about the whole reception thing, she started badmouthing the pub until I reminded her WE cancelled it (the pub was happy to go ahead) and then she didn't want to badmouth us so she's gone off on these rants on social media about how unfair it is for couples etc but she keeps calling it our wedding, and saying "my daughters Wedding reception has been cancelled" I keep trying to remind her to separate them and that this isn't our wedding, it's a day we are getting married, because now we've got extended family and other guests wondering why they thought it was just a quick Ceremony and now they're hearing it is a Wedding and reception, and does this mean it's our April reception that's cancelled 🙄 it's so hard because I know she's struggling a lot right now but her mental health is really getting hard to manage. 

    We found out today that all guests will have to wear a mask during the ceremony (we don't have to) and I made the mistake of saying it was a bit annoying as had they told us on Monday we would have bought it forward to Friday but it was too late now, and she went off saying it wasn't too late and if it's not convenient for people then tough, until I had to remind her I'm working full time and can't just get a day off that short notice! She had actually forgotten that I'm working, she said she thought because it was the school holidays I wasn't (I don't work in a school nor do I have children).  She has it in her head that were all on some jolly at the moment and don't have to work at all because she also had a go at my sister for being in a meeting when she wanted to talk to her! I know it's because she isn't well but I'm struggling to know how to deal with it on top of everything else. 

    Sorry for the rant!

    I don't know how things are going to go or what's going to happen, but hopefully I can at least get a few days of calm after all this 🤞

    It looks like we will only be doing a BBQ for the in-laws and my aunt's side as my mum and stepdad are going away the day after the wedding (they were meant to go in July but held off because we booked this) so I suppose that's some pressure off too. 

    Right now I'm so excited for 4:15pm Friday afternoon when I can pour a very large strawberry Bailey's 😂
  • MabelcatBMabelcatB Posts: 45 New bride
    Oh no, I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. Fingers crossed for a few days of calm after this then! The Baileys sounds like a great way to unwind too :)

    The lipstick and headband look fab -they go so well with the dress!
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 328 New bride
    Phew, what a relief that you're ok with cancelling the "reception". That was nice of your dad. I think dads sometimes have a weird way of letting you know they care and then it makes it even more of a surprise when they actually do something sweet! The hairband looks lovely and gives you more of a bridal look but without being OTT. 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,515 New bride
    Thanks so much! Starting to feel a bit excited now, although I don’t want to get too into is as honestly the day itself will be really quiet! So far it looks like this

    11:40am - Arrive and have our interview
    12pm - Ceremony 
    12:30pm - Hopefully photos in their courtyard, if not then a quick drive to a nearby park 
    1/1:30pm - Go home, just the two of us
    (lots of time to kill) 
    4pm - Head our for our meal just the two of us
    6:30pm - Head home and probably just get drunk 

    theres part art of me that *is* wondering if we move things and have my family over for a quick diy lunch, and then have Ms side over from like 6/7pm and have a bbq.... but I don’t know, we’re dead excited about the meal out because we love it there but I worry the day will just involve a lot of us just sitting around wondering what to do, and it feeling just a bit like any other day. 

    Ms brother is planning on driving the few hours back to his straight after the ceremony, and my parents are going away indefinitely (probably a month or so?) the following day so it feels a bit sad to not have *some* time with them. Not sure M will b keen on another plan change two days before but I’m sure we can pull it off if we want to! 

  • I just wanted to wish you all the best for today, I hope that you are able to enjoy it after everything that has happened in the lead up and know that you and M are now husband and wife! You have got absolutely stunning weather for it x
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 395 New bride
    Happy (Part 1) Wedding Day! Hope you have a fabulous day and update us when you can!! xx
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 240 New bride
    Finally managed to log back in here and catch up with everything! Today's the day! Hope it all goes well for you and you have a lovely, relaxed wedding day no 1 :)
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 328 New bride
    Happy getting married day! I hope you and M have a lovely time. xxx
  • Happy wedding day (P1) x x x x 
  • MabelcatBMabelcatB Posts: 45 New bride
    Hope you had a lovely day! Congratulations! xx
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,515 New bride
    edited 14 August
    Thank you all for the well wishes!! I will do a full post this week or so but just wanted to pop on and say it was such a lovely day, if a bit too hot! 

    We had a really lovely day, and although nothing feels that different today it's so lovely to know we made it! 


  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 395 New bride
    Congratulations! You look gorgeous and I love how M's tie matches your dress. Can't wait to hear more, but enjoy your time as husband and wife (!!) 🎉 Have a fab honeymoon too, such gorgeous weather for it (sorry completely forgot when you're off!) x
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 328 New bride
    Aww, what a lovely picture. Congratulations! :)

    I was thinking the same about M's tie being such a good match, haha and you were worrying about it! 
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 240 New bride
    Gorgeous pic - congratulations!!! You did it! x
  • Congratulations!! You look so beautiful :) I'm really glad you had a lovely day after all the stressful times! x
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,515 New bride
    I wrote out a whole thing and then got stuck in a call at work and the draft didn't save! 🙈 I think I will write up a report on it too so I can one day (hopefully) look back and read about both days in the same bit. I'll post in here about it too, as there's some things I don't particularly want to think back on when reading the report, but hopefully it isn't too repetitive.

    On the Saturday we decided we did want to find a way to celebrate with our parents at least, so we set to work on a little plan for each side to come over on the day. My parents were due to go away the following day so if we didn't make it work then I don't know the next time we would see them to celebrate. It was quite a hectic weekend getting the gazebo sorted, the house and garden in a bit more order and creating all the platters and stuff so each household had a totally separate set of things, to try and keep it as safe as possible. 

    As expected, I discovered it really doesn't matter how much time I have to plan and prepare, I will do it all in the 48 hours before 😂

    And we still had some *minor* family upset when the brother announced that he would be leaving right after the ceremony, and not even staying for a coffee with his parents. Turns out he went on a trip to Disneyland last week with the GF despite having a huge PhD headline so had to rush back to try and get that in order. To be honest I'm just so grateful he came, it was a 4 hour round trip for a 10 minute Ceremony and it meant the absolute world to M to have him there, but it did upset the in-laws. We also heard nothing from the GF at all, no message of congratulations or best wishes, and we even heard from the sisters uni boyfriend who we met maybe twice now! I know you can't hold people to your own standards, but it still feels like a bit of a lack of effort. They're apparently coming over on the 29th for a BBQ instead but I'm quite apprehensive about having to talk to her again. 

    Anyway, I digress. I'll go into the nitty gritty on the report but I just feel so happy I could burst. The whole day was so lovely and surreal, and the absolute outpouring of love and congratulations from everyone has been overwhelming. It's also bought a huge level of calm, which is something I hoped for but honestly never expected. 

    It's no news to anyone how neurotic I am about everything, but I just feel such peace and acceptance with everything now. I'm not even thinking about April, what will be will be, if this is all we get i will still be the happiest I have ever been, and if we get more and it works it's a bonus. It's like finally everything has slotted into place and I don't feel that dread and anxiety anymore. 
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 395 New bride
    Oh this makes me SO happy to read - you deserve it! 🤗

  • Oh I am soooo pleased for you and cannot wait to read about your day. Many many congratulations to you and M the latest Mr & Mrs x
  • Congratulations! So happy to read that after everything, you had such a lovely day! 
  • Emma822Emma822 Posts: 26 New bride
    Congratulations!!! I’m so pleased you feel so loved, and it’s so wonderful that you are feeling more chilled about what’s to come next. You get to do it with your husband by your side, eek! How exciting! Congrats again 😁😁
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,515 New bride
    Thank you all so much!! I don't think I'll post too many pics on the report, just M is quite conscious of privacy but I'll stick a few up here and delete them in a few days. 

    It's just all insane, I'm still absolutely floating and can't get over it. The nightmare engagement, the family stresses, the upset and all the panic,it was all absolutely worth it to feel this happy. I just wouldn't change a thing now. It was all so worth it ❤️


  • annipooannipoo Posts: 328 New bride
    I'm loving your report so far. I laughed at your bra issues and got a bit teary eyed at one point because I'm an absolute sap! I have noticed though that there's been no mention of your mum causing drama. Yay! I love the pics you've shared, in the two pictures were you're walking and holding hands you both just look so, so happy. Congrats again! xxx
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 240 New bride
    Oh I love this! congrats again! what lovely photos and I love the way M is looking at you. You look totally gorgeous and I'm so glad it all paid off. I feel a tiny bit emotional too as I think you're the only person on here now from when I started my thread well over a year ago and it's amazing to see you actually marry your lovely (handsome!) man after everything you've been through along the way. Like you said, April will be a wonderful bonus but this is the really important bit - savour every second xx
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,515 New bride
    Thanks all!! It's so sweet you're all so caring and supportive, it really means a lot and you've been absolute saviours every time I've had a wobble.
    It's all still sinking in but im definitely still on cloud 9! We're off on our minimoon in a few days so I'm basically already in holiday mode 😊
    Before we head off we have a meeting with our celebrant so she can get to know us and start on our Ceremony script for April and then we're well and truly putting all that in a box until the end of the year and then we can start to think about it again. The relief!! 

    I'll probably be quite quiet on here for a while but I'll still be checking in to see how everyone else is getting on ❤️
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 395 New bride
    All those pics are so lovely. Have the most amazing time on your minimoon, you so deserve it!!
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