What Am I Doing?! - April 2020

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  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    Thank you @GinAndBling i really appreciate it <3 I think my general anxiety is just clinging onto the dress issue because its something tangible. I have been reminding myself it was a much more expensive dress than i could have got otherwise, its perfect for dancing (which i want to do lots of) and its a little different to what i think people will expect. 
    I'm going to take my shoes and just try to allow myself to feel fancy for a bit  :D 
    I'll try and get pictures!! 
  • MrsA-NToBeMrsA-NToBe Posts: 205 New bride
    I'm sorry you feel like this, but the important thing is that you feel happy in your dress, it doesn't matter what you think other people may think, as we're normally always wrong when we do this! 
    In regard to getting other quotes, there is a lot to be said for trusting who is doing the work for you, especially on your dress! I wouldn't imagine that there would be that much of a difference between what they'll charge you and what someone else would, especially with you knowing them! And even if it is a tad more, sometimes it's worth paying it for peace of mind. 
    Hopefully Saturday goes really well and you come back feeling relieved! 
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 805 New bride
    edited 16 May
    The dress really is lovely, and I think you do need to get into it again as GinAndBling says and play around in it.

    In regards to the alterations, cost is often related to where you are geographically. I got quotes in my area (London/Essex) and was also being told £600+ which was the same I paid for the dress! I asked my mum to get quotes in her county and we managed to get everything done for £200+, so definitely worth shopping around. Although I do understand it is preferable to get someone you trust to do it!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    edited 16 May
    @MrsA-NToBe thank you, its so easy to be so hard on ourselves isn't it. I'm also going to try and factor in how close she is. The only other places i've found would involve a 30ish min drive each time so i figure what id save in petrol will add up too!

    Thanks @OmRum, i'm hoping because its in a small town it wont be too horrendous, but she does also sort of have the monopoly on the area! I think if it comes in a similar cost to the dress i will have to take a moment to look as you say. fingers crossed! 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    I've had quite extensive work done on my dress and it has cost £250 for all of it. What are you thinking of having done?
    For what it's worth you look amazing in your dress and it's gorgeous, and I've only seen the pic from before you lost a stone!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    @MrsCToBee Im thiking of having some straps added, and maybe a layer or two taken out of the layers and used to make a train, a bit like the below: 




    I'm not 100% on the train, i always wanted even just a little one and as im feeling self conscious about how from the side the dress looks SO poofy i thought it might be a way to tackle both areas but i'll see what they say. 

    I do like the idea of the straps though, or do you think with such a busy skirt its all a bit much? 
  • Cecilia13Cecilia13 Posts: 512 New bride
    I think the straps would look lovely, I love the way they cross on the back!
    Personally, I would leave the skirt as it because it is absolutely beautiful, but of course you need to feel comfortable so do whatever you need! I think the skirt has perfect proportions though.
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    Thank you @Cecilia13, I'm thinking i might get the straps done first, and then see how i feel about the skirt a little nearer the time, as its a huge change to make when im not 100%! Plus the train effect is easily fixed with a pretty veil. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    The straps will look nice but it doesn't need them. I can't see it costing that much - I'm having 2 new lace straps made for my dress & attached all within the £250 cost and that also includes hemming a scalloped lace hem, taking in and adding a bustle, as well as repairing the corset back panel.
    I think the skirt is lovely as is and wouldn't mess with it personally.
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    So appointment all done and dusted and she is an absolute STAR! Definitely glad I went even though I felt like a lemon. She can do the skirt and add straps for £80! But because I'm starting to realise what a liability I am I'm not going to decide until the end of the year, as she only wants it in January. 

    I do think I might go for the straps, but I'm not so sure about the skirt. 

    I just feel the the straps add a fun modern twist, and it will help alleviate a little bit of fear with wardrobe malfunctions 🙈

    Put the dress back on in my mum's spare room and definitely feel a million miles better for it. I think the front will need some tweaks too because the fabric on the inside comes out a bit (the top seam doesn't lie against my skin essentially, it's sort of folded over) but I am pleased with it and IDAGF if anyone thinks it's a bit much. 

    (Posting this so when I have dress wobble 15million I can re read it and remember I DO LOVE IT! 😂) 

    Hope you're all having a fab weekend!
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    Glad you're feeling better about it! x
  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,311 New bride
    Yay so glad you feel better about the dress and the price isn’t too high! X
    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Glad you're feeling better about your dress! :smiley: I'd definitely leave any major alterations until much closer to the time, you may feel completely different about the straps/train by January if you keep losing weight. Although I do think the straps are a nice idea - I have straps too and they've made me feel a lot more comfortable, especially being a DD lady haha. xx
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    Thanks everyone! It's such a relief that her prices in general are really reasonable, i was so worried that even just general alterations would end up spiralling. Its quite hard to judge whats a decent price for alterations when its not something you've ever had to pay for before (although that's the same with all things wedding related really!)   

    I cant believe how quickly the time seems to have gone now! I remember getting all giddy because we were 18 months out, and then a year, and this last month has flown by! With summer booking up with trips and events, and Christmas always a write off, i'm starting to realise i really need to stop procrastinating with things! I always felt really awkward like it was so far out i couldn't get excited and i shouldn't be buying stuff but i feel like thats starting to shift now and i dont feel bad for talking to people about it or getting excited about it all. 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    We saw a florist on the 27th April that we really liked, it seemed like a perfect fit, but since then its been really hard work. 

    They had mentioned they were really busy with shows and shoots in the week or so after, so i left it 2 weeks before chasing them for the quote based on what we had discussed at the meeting. I got an email back within the hour saying they were so sorry and would come back to us the following day, and then nothing. I left it another week......still nothing, and chased again this morning. 

    I finally got an email back a few hours later, apologising and they've attached their general price list. I don't know if its me but it seems a little disappointing. Firstly, they could have sent that ages ago, its just a PDF attachment that gives their starting prices and secondly, i feel a bit like, what was the point in us going if we aren't going to get a tailored quote? Based on their prices it could range anywhere from £380 to £500...so whilst they are both around what we had hoped, obviously one is at the top of our budget. Its also just the after care, i don't know i just feel a bit sad that it feels like we aren't important enough for them to take the time to send over something personal, after 3 weeks of chasing we just get a 1 line stock response. 

    Do i just need to get over myself? 
  • MrsA-NToBeMrsA-NToBe Posts: 205 New bride
    I don’t think so, the whole reason you go for a meeting is to get a personalised quote, being given a stock answer isn’t helpful. Is it time to try and find someone else? 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    I don’t think so, the whole reason you go for a meeting is to get a personalised quote, being given a stock answer isn’t helpful. Is it time to try and find someone else? 
    I think it may be yeah, I have emailed around a few others to see if we can get the ball rolling.
    Its so frustrating to be back at square one with it all, i really thought we had it sorted. All my married friends have said the florist was the hardest part to sort though, purely because so many of them just don't really respond well/promptly. 
  • MrsA-NToBeMrsA-NToBe Posts: 205 New bride
    I'm with you... it's disheartening when you get on with them so well. Especially when it's in person! 
    I think I was lucky that our florist is a work colleagues wife, that way I didn't have to go down the traditional route. Hopefully you get more from the others you've emailed. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    I think expecting a personalised quote is normal after a one to one meeting - otherwise what is the point?
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    edited 28 May
    So after a chat with M we are no further forward really. He is adamant we need to give the florists a break, and i'm adamant that if they aren't able to respond to us in a timely manner (even if they have stuff going on) then its a sign they're either taking on too much work, or they just can't manage the work load they have. Either way it isn't exactly great. 

    I do feel a little bit over a barrel though, with my options being 1- Go with the slow florists 2- DIY everything. I know I can DIY it and i'd have help, but it also means the hassle of going through all the flowers available and trying to recreate the wildflower look myself, which isn't as easy as being able to go onto triangle nursery and buy one of their premade boxes. I'd just rather limit my week of stresses - i know i just don't always manage it well. 

    Still, we at least have a few options that are within budget so i'm going to stop caring for a little bit. 

    I know it sounds so silly because we still have ages left, but i seem to be continually surprised that time is actually passing, and i'm very aware that i should probably start making more of an effort with it all soon. Although, even with 2 planners and a million checklists, i'm still not entirely sure there's really that much to do....(lets all laugh about this in 6 months when i'm ripping my hair out with details) but i think until we get to the point where details matter its not too bad. 

    I'm also fully aware i'm procrastinating HARD, and now very likely to end up in the category of "Brides that left DIY to the last minute". I think its mostly because i still don't really feel like the weddings happening.... Did anyone else have that? 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    We've been engaged one whole year!
    I have no idea where all the time has gone, it feels like i blinked and its just gone!

    We had another chat about the wedding, plans, money ect over the weekend and we ironed out a few things i think. 

    We've decided with the florist situation we will give them 2 more weeks (so 6 in total) and then they're basically out the running. It shows how much customer service impacts a business though! We absolutely adored them after the meeting, and they could have sent us any quote in the 2 weeks after and we would have just gone with it because they made such a good impression, but as M put it, they're on a scale now and the longer it takes them, the lower the quote needs to be for us to accept it. 

    I'm really focusing at the moment on what the point of it all is. I'm so easily led so can quickly forget that it doesn't matter what cake we have or what the reception decor is like. I never wanted the big thing anyway so i dont know why i get so caught up in it all! 

    We have our menu tasting tomorrow so im hoping it all goes well and the BBQ food is decent, or it looks like we will be swapping to a roast. I prefer the bbq purely from a logistical sense too, it wont matter if people pull out because it isn't plated so it just means there will be more on a few tables, and knowing both our families there wont be leftovers! Feels a bit harder to convince the venue to serve any extra plates of food to people if theres no shows or last min declines. 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    edited 30 May
    Menu Tasting


    Our tasting went SO WELL! It was really lovely, we got to sit in the ceremony room, just the two of us, and they served everything like that will on the day which was much more exciting than i anticipated! Its really helped to bring it all together and picture the day itself. 

    There was so much food as well I was really surprised! As someone who really hates leaving things i wasn't sure what we were expected to actually eat, but we had enough food for 4 people! We demolished all the canapes and when the coordinator came back she seemed a bit shocked, but it meant half way through the mains i was so full! They said theres often more than enough and they have leftovers usually, which i dislike but id rather that than people go hungry. 

    There are a few things were going to tweak, but here's what we went for: 

    Canapes:
    -Mini Cottage Pies with Mustard Mash
    -Vine Ripened Tomato & Basil Bruschetta (V)
    -Herb and Lemon Gravlax Bruschetta with Dill Creme Fraiche
    -Wild Mushroom Arancini Balls with Truffle Oil (V)
    -Pulled Pork with Spiced Apple Chutney in Filo Baskets
    -Mini Honey & Mustard Glazed Sausages with Toasted Sesame Seeds

    Mains
    BBQ Style platter with:
    -Jamaican Jerk Chicken Kebab - we are swapping the flavouring to a BBQ chicken, as we just found the jerk a little "meh"

    -Beef Burger Sliders - these were absolutely lush and had a really nice sweetcorn relish that i could devour! 

    -Beef Skirt Steak - this was very "meh" to me, and for £2 extra per head didn't seem worth it. Also raised a point of some people like it pink, some not. Were going to just swap it out for some fancy sausages instead. 

    Sides
    - Tuscan bean salad - was lovely but didn't go with the rest of our choices - going to go for a leafy salad instead. 

    - Potato salad with salsa verde - reallllly lovely! 

    -Mediterranean Veg Couscous - another lovely refreshing side and we thought it added a bit more oomph to the mains. 

    Trio Dessert
    - Chocolate Brownie - it was lovely no doubt but SO dense and realllly a bit much even for my huge sweet tooth - were going to swap in a lemon posset instead. 

    - Strawberry & Cream Scones - My absolute favourite and they were so well done, with fresh strawberries sliced in them too! 

    - Chocolate Orange Mousse - we didn't actually ask for this, they got our order wrong and it was meant to be a lemon cheesecake but we really loved it so were keeping it! It comes in its own little chocolate pot so its really easy to eat. 

    Vegetarian Option
    We initially selected just a veggie burger because we thought it was all we could have, but they said yesterday they could do a mini platter, so it would look the same as the meat mains which i thought was a lovely touch! The last thing we want is anyone feeling like an afterthought or left out. They will have:

    - Veggie Mini slider (burger)

    -  Halloumi and Veg kebab

    - Veggie Sausage 

    We just need to make sure the sides are all veggie friendly too and were good to go! We do have a few guests with various allergies but we will have to address that nearer the time i think. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    That all sounds absolutely delicious! Great move swapping the beef for sausages too, everyone loves a banger!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    Thanks @MrsCToBee, initially we were a bit worried it was too plain and boring but all the flavours are great so we figured a good basic is way better than a lacklustre extra. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    Thanks @MrsCToBee, initially we were a bit worried it was too plain and boring but all the flavours are great so we figured a good basic is way better than a lacklustre extra. 
    Thanks @MrsCToBee, initially we were a bit worried it was too plain and boring but all the flavours are great so we figured a good basic is way better than a lacklustre extra. 
    Doesn't sound plain and boring at all, it all sounds delicious - anyway., you can't go too niche when catering for large crowds!
  • MrsA-NToBeMrsA-NToBe Posts: 205 New bride
    Looks and sounds really nice and is not the normal typical roast etc wedding food, which is a definite plus!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    We had another florist appointment at the weekend which went really well! She had taken the time to make up a Pinterest board to go through, and went into such detail it was really impressive. 

    She also said if the quote comes in too high to just let her know, as she would always rather swap out flowers where she can and make adjustments instead of us cutting things out which is really comforting. 

    I know its all business but she does seem invested in making sure everything is right and we don't end up cutting things out that we may regret just because of pricing. 

    She also said we will definitely have our quote by Sunday which is really comforting! We STILL haven't heard anything from the other florists, and i understand its the busy time of year i really do, but 5 weeks is a long time, and i cant help but think if they'd got it to us sooner then it wouldn't have quite been the wedding season yet... 

    We have also decided on the wedding website were going to use, so its Ms job to format that and get it all up and running.

    We've still got to decide on a videographer (if were going to bite the bullet and do it) but we're just waiting for her to release footage of a recent wedding at our venue. 

    Also need to look into a cake but this isn't urgent or a big deal for us at all as it will be a cute little 1 tier standard kind of cake. We don't even really care what flavour it is!

    Next on the list is trying to get an idea for Decor, im struggling a bit with the ceremony room because an arch just isnt going to work like i thought it would, and the point to hang things from feels a bit low, its just under halfway down the wall. Its quite fun being on to these things though, and i have found my anxiety settling a bit. 

    I am still feeling a little sad about my "bridal experience" because no one close to me is particularly bothered about doing anything to make me feel a bit special, but its ok because honestly i'll probably just arrange some things that make me feel nice. Out of all of my 3 bridesmaids, i planned hen do's for two of them and a 30th birthday trip away for another one, but none of them have shown any interest in planning a hen do for me at all. One (whos hen i planned) even said "if you don't plan your hen soon you'll end up not having one".  I'm thinking a few spa days (one with mums one with younger family probably, FSIL ect) and nice meals out, that'll do me just fine. 

    M on the other hand is getting quite nervous/excited for his stag! His brother is meant to be planning it but seeing as he's now buying a house and he isn't the most organised at the best of times i think it'll be a team effort. Some of his friends keep joking about drinks and a strip club.....as if its never been done before  :D They live in a busy city too so it isn't like they cant go to a strip club whenever they want! 

    It is lovely just switching the focus on those who do want to celebrate and enjoy the time with us, that's all that matters at the end of the day. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    We had another florist appointment at the weekend which went really well! She had taken the time to make up a Pinterest board to go through, and went into such detail it was really impressive. 

    She also said if the quote comes in too high to just let her know, as she would always rather swap out flowers where she can and make adjustments instead of us cutting things out which is really comforting. 

    I know its all business but she does seem invested in making sure everything is right and we don't end up cutting things out that we may regret just because of pricing. 

    She also said we will definitely have our quote by Sunday which is really comforting! We STILL haven't heard anything from the other florists, and i understand its the busy time of year i really do, but 5 weeks is a long time, and i cant help but think if they'd got it to us sooner then it wouldn't have quite been the wedding season yet... 

    We have also decided on the wedding website were going to use, so its Ms job to format that and get it all up and running.

    We've still got to decide on a videographer (if were going to bite the bullet and do it) but we're just waiting for her to release footage of a recent wedding at our venue. 

    Also need to look into a cake but this isn't urgent or a big deal for us at all as it will be a cute little 1 tier standard kind of cake. We don't even really care what flavour it is!

    Next on the list is trying to get an idea for Decor, im struggling a bit with the ceremony room because an arch just isnt going to work like i thought it would, and the point to hang things from feels a bit low, its just under halfway down the wall. Its quite fun being on to these things though, and i have found my anxiety settling a bit. 

    I am still feeling a little sad about my "bridal experience" because no one close to me is particularly bothered about doing anything to make me feel a bit special, but its ok because honestly i'll probably just arrange some things that make me feel nice. Out of all of my 3 bridesmaids, i planned hen do's for two of them and a 30th birthday trip away for another one, but none of them have shown any interest in planning a hen do for me at all. One (whos hen i planned) even said "if you don't plan your hen soon you'll end up not having one".  I'm thinking a few spa days (one with mums one with younger family probably, FSIL ect) and nice meals out, that'll do me just fine. 

    M on the other hand is getting quite nervous/excited for his stag! His brother is meant to be planning it but seeing as he's now buying a house and he isn't the most organised at the best of times i think it'll be a team effort. Some of his friends keep joking about drinks and a strip club.....as if its never been done before  :D They live in a busy city too so it isn't like they cant go to a strip club whenever they want! 

    It is lovely just switching the focus on those who do want to celebrate and enjoy the time with us, that's all that matters at the end of the day. 
    I'm going to get all indignant now - it is the bridesmaid's job to organise the hen do, and you need to make that clear! Send them a group message along the lines of "Just wondering how far you have got with planning my hen and whether you have any dates in mind - best man has asked me to check so he doesn't schedule the stag the same weekend??" to make it clear they need to pull their finger out. 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,249 New bride
    Thanks @MrsCToBee i like that phrasing! To be honest though i don't know how much i can be bothered. My sister is the MOH so i know it falls to her, and i honestly never expected her to do it because its just not her thing. She hates going out, events, large groups of people, people she doesn't know, so its her worst nightmare. I did think my other friend would take over as last year when i did hers she kept going "i cant wait til i get to plan yours"... so i don't know what changed. 

    After the comments from my other bridesmaid i think id rather just sort my own things with people that want to actually be there and enjoy it. She made out like it was such effort that i don't see the point in spending anything (time/money/effort) on an event where people don't really actually want to be there (by people i mean her really). To be honest i don't really have many friends, so most of the people that i would invite are people i know through her anyway so i'm just not that bothered. 

    My other BMs aren't really in a position either, ones a uni student and the others just had her first baby and is a MOH in September to someone so they just all have a lot going on. 

    It's hard, when i was in a bridal party i had a hard time with it and always felt like it was thankless, but that's mostly down to the bride i guess. I wouldn't ever want anyone to be in a position where they feel stressed out or put out because of my wedding, its just more the sad realisation that i put so much into my relationships with other people but no one seems that willing to do anything nice for me. That's a whole different issue that isn't really wedding related though. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    Thanks @MrsCToBee i like that phrasing! To be honest though i don't know how much i can be bothered. My sister is the MOH so i know it falls to her, and i honestly never expected her to do it because its just not her thing. She hates going out, events, large groups of people, people she doesn't know, so its her worst nightmare. I did think my other friend would take over as last year when i did hers she kept going "i cant wait til i get to plan yours"... so i don't know what changed. 

    After the comments from my other bridesmaid i think id rather just sort my own things with people that want to actually be there and enjoy it. She made out like it was such effort that i don't see the point in spending anything (time/money/effort) on an event where people don't really actually want to be there (by people i mean her really). To be honest i don't really have many friends, so most of the people that i would invite are people i know through her anyway so i'm just not that bothered. 

    My other BMs aren't really in a position either, ones a uni student and the others just had her first baby and is a MOH in September to someone so they just all have a lot going on. 

    It's hard, when i was in a bridal party i had a hard time with it and always felt like it was thankless, but that's mostly down to the bride i guess. I wouldn't ever want anyone to be in a position where they feel stressed out or put out because of my wedding, its just more the sad realisation that i put so much into my relationships with other people but no one seems that willing to do anything nice for me. That's a whole different issue that isn't really wedding related though. 
    I get that, I also have an issue where I do more for other people than they are ever willing to do in return, and am actually actively trying to be meaner!!
    But by accepting the role of bridesmaid, they accepted the expectation to arrange a hen. I'm sure between 4 of them they could arrange just an afternoon tea or a meal or something, it doesn't have to be an all expenses paid trip to Vegas or anything! It sounds to me from an outsider's point of view that you are being so careful not to put on them that they think you aren't bothered. Stop being so nice.
    That said, it's still quite a while until your wedding, my hen wasn't arranged until relatively recently so they may plan to arrange something later - they have plenty of time that between 4 people it really shouldn't be stressful for them.
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