What Am I Doing?! - April 2020

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  • Issa19unionIssa19union Posts: 123 New bride

    Wow the dress is beautiful and you most definitely don’t need worry about to loosing weight, it looks perfect on your figure! 

    I would agree with GinandBling, have a try on of a few other dresses just so that you have something to compare it to and put your mind at ease if nothing else x

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride

    GoGoGo

    It feels like a lot is happening now! We have sent off our booking form for the venue, and just need to send the deposit money, and my dress is being collected this morning to be sent to Terrington Burchett for professional cleaning! 

    It's super exciting to actually have a date, even if it is so far away! We've been having a look at styles and themes, and we love the whole rustic look but don't want everything  to revolve around hessian  I dont know what to do colour wise, as I dont want to 'lock in' the bridesmaids to wearing a particular colour, so maybe ill look at more of a broader style and a few colours? 

    Guess this is really happening now!!

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride

    What even is "Us"

    So we've been looking at invites and stuff, although we have about 21 months we will be making them all and potentially doing all the artwork ourselves too. I always thought this would be the fun part, and  i know what want, its just M doesn't exactly agree.

    He wants the invites, and the whole wedding really, to be "us" which i really struggle with. We don't have a singular thing that brought us together (other than a Wetherspoons....maybe not!) so i'm not sure how exactly to work around it. 

    We have a lovely life, with our little dog (she was mine when we met) and we try to go to cute places once a year but aren't exactly huge travel fanatics, we love our food, but not in a gourmet sense, we have our house, and its just a simple house. 

    I just don't really know how to extract things from our lives that will also work on a DIY invite 

    I see some peoples and they have such a clear cut of a theme or style, and we just dont have a clue. i just want it to be simple, classic, and reflect us as a couple, but how can we do that when im struggling to see whats so different about us, we just enjoy the simple things? 

     

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride

    I know exactly what you mean - in fact on paper, OH and I have nothing in common really except that we both enjoy holidays, but even then we aren't massive travelers as with a mortgage and a toddler we can't afford to be :)

    I don't think that not having very specific, obsessive shared interests is that unusual, most of my friends seem to be similar except one couple who both love a particular sport.

    We have just used a design from Vistaprint with our rough wedding colours on (navy, gold, coral, peach).

    Everything about your wedding will be 'you' because you chose it.

    What about cartoon figures of you two and your dog, or a nice photo, or caricatures?

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride
    MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

    I know exactly what you mean - in fact on paper, OH and I have nothing in common really except that we both enjoy holidays, but even then we aren't massive travelers as with a mortgage and a toddler we can't afford to be :)

    I don't think that not having very specific, obsessive shared interests is that unusual, most of my friends seem to be similar except one couple who both love a particular sport.

    We have just used a design from Vistaprint with our rough wedding colours on (navy, gold, coral, peach).

    Everything about your wedding will be 'you' because you chose it.

    What about cartoon figures of you two and your dog, or a nice photo, or caricatures?

    Thank you, thats basically just like us! We are just all the small things we do day in and day out for each other. 

    I love the idea of the cartoons though!! Thats super cute, and i can get M to draw that up :) 

    I think i feel anxious about it because one of my friends is having a wedding where every tiny detail reflects their love for music,  but i suppose thats easier for them as it used to be such a big part of their life together. 

    I've also seen a little timeline of your journey together as a couple, so i might put that to him as well. 

    I think i need to get over this idea of it being "perfect". 

     

     

  • Sian91Sian91 Posts: 829 New bride

    I was the same as you at the start- everything had to be perfect and represent us. But truth be told, I’ve never thought oh this napkin in symbolic of how they always fold the sheets together when I went to weddings...once I let go of ‘perfect’ I began storming through my lists and saving loads of cash when I went for good and nice rather than perfect.

    This way we can afford a honeymoon that definitely is a bit of us! 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride

    I think some weddings can be almost too personal anyway - like I've heard of weddings where they both love heavy metal so only have that music, and everyone else sits around thinking "what a bloody racket!".

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride

    Oh wow that sounds a bit much!! 

    I like that way of thinking Sian91! We are on a budget, so really i think we need to focus on making the things that matter "us" and the rest can just relax a bit! The Honeymoon is definitely the bit were both hoping to make the most of as well! 

     

    I officially just booked the registrar, so we have a 1:30pm wedding! 

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride

    So nothing of any value is going on at the moment, but I had to post because my dress is back from Terrington Burchett and i'm currently sat in my office and work, with it next to my desk just begging to be opened!! 

    I work in an office full of guys, so definitely cant open it up and have a little squeal! I'm so nervous, I hope they managed to bring it up alright. 

    We're still waiting on our booking pack from the Venue, they said it would be with us last week, and they didn't have it done in time for when we went for their open evening, but i'm just telling myself it doesn't really matter, as we have SO MUCHHHH TIME. 

    There have been a few wobblies in the last week, a big family fall out that I think is sorted, although some of the damage runs deep so it may be a while, if ever, before some of us are on speaking terms again. 

    I've also decided to stop over thinking and start a Psychology degree, I've been thinking about it a lot this year, and I figure there's no time like the present, so as of October I will be working full time, studying full time (distance learning) and saving for and planning a wedding..... Nothing like a bit of pressure eh! 

     

  • I had was just one month into a post graduate degree when we got engaged so I've been doing the whole work full time, study and planning all at the same time thing. I won't lie the first few weeks of the engagement were a bit stressful as I had a couple of assignments in and we wanted to book the venue quickly so we got our preferred date,  but now that the venue is sorted it's a lot calmer and the wedding planning has just slipped into our lives without being too stressful. I'd say if you want to do a degree go for it! :) It's definitely doable.

  • Sian91Sian91 Posts: 829 New bride

    Diamonds can only be made under pressure!

    I think you have plenty of time to start working your way through the lists and things to do. My top tip (as I'm almost at the end) is try not to overthink or question yourself- no matter what the reason why you're getting married is because you want to spend the rest of your lives together. 

    Good luck starting your degree!

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride

    Dress Drama

    So, I mentioned last week my dress came back from the specialist cleaners, but I only got a chance to look over it properly at the weekend. 

    So the train and hem has come up BEAUTIFULLY, it's really stunning but there is a new stain on the back of the dress, right at the top of the back by the zipper....and its yellow. 

    From my remedial research, I did find out that this can sometimes happen with alcohol stains, that when they're cleaned it reacts and actually brings them up worse, but YELLOW?! It seems like a really odd place on the dress for it to be an alcohol stain too. 

    I'm a bit gutted because I do love the dress, and everything else came out so well, but I just know i'll feel really worried about it and with the lovely detail on the back I don't want photos of it and all i'll see is this bloody mark. 

    I have emailed them to see if they have any tips for removing it, or to be honest to see why it was sent back with it still on. They did put a note in to explain if they carried on trying to clean the hem then it would've damaged the lace, but this is the opposite end of the dress! 

    Starting to worrying buying a second hand dress was a poor call 

     

     

  • Cecilia13Cecilia13 Posts: 512 New bride

    Is there someone else that you could take it to for advice? It may be that they just missed it, or someone else knows something they don't?

    I'm really worried about that with mine, it's not second hand exactly but it was a sample so it does need a clean, I'm quite nervous about it and keep putting it off!

    Re making the wedding 'you', you could try thinking about your favourite trips, somewhere you particularly liked and take just a small detail or something that you remember or that someone would typically assosciate with that place? For example, lavender if you have been to south of France, olive trees for somewhere Mediterranean, menu inspired by a meal or something you particularly enjoyed together. It doesn't have to be an insanely personal reference but it could be a nod to somewhere or some sort of memory? And your little dog :) 

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride
    Cecilia13 wrote (see post):

    Is there someone else that you could take it to for advice? It may be that they just missed it, or someone else knows something they don't?

    I'm really worried about that with mine, it's not second hand exactly but it was a sample so it does need a clean, I'm quite nervous about it and keep putting it off!

    Re making the wedding 'you', you could try thinking about your favourite trips, somewhere you particularly liked and take just a small detail or something that you remember or that someone would typically assosciate with that place? For example, lavender if you have been to south of France, olive trees for somewhere Mediterranean, menu inspired by a meal or something you particularly enjoyed together. It doesn't have to be an insanely personal reference but it could be a nod to somewhere or some sort of memory? And your little dog :) 

     

    I've dropped them an email, and they've tried to call me but i cant take calls at work so ill have to see what they say at lunch, although i really prefer stuff like this in writing. 

    That's a good shout! I think i feel a bit odd about it because we've done a few small trips, but nothing huge, but we have been to some lovely places i think ill try and work that in some how. I definitely want to try and get my dog in there, i'm thinking probably more on the stationary, or something similar. I so wish she could come to it all, but they don't allow dogs and she get scared really easily so it wouldn't be fair on her. 

    I hope everything comes out well with your dress, i'm sure it'll be fine, the one i had was a sample and it was worn for a wedding, and also a celebration ceremony back in the UK, as their actual wedding was in New York! SO it has had a good lot of wear really. 

     

  • Cecilia13Cecilia13 Posts: 512 New bride
    CoffeeDogAddict wrote (see post):
    Cecilia13 wrote (see post):

    Is there someone else that you could take it to for advice? It may be that they just missed it, or someone else knows something they don't?

    I'm really worried about that with mine, it's not second hand exactly but it was a sample so it does need a clean, I'm quite nervous about it and keep putting it off!

    Re making the wedding 'you', you could try thinking about your favourite trips, somewhere you particularly liked and take just a small detail or something that you remember or that someone would typically assosciate with that place? For example, lavender if you have been to south of France, olive trees for somewhere Mediterranean, menu inspired by a meal or something you particularly enjoyed together. It doesn't have to be an insanely personal reference but it could be a nod to somewhere or some sort of memory? And your little dog :) 

     

    I've dropped them an email, and they've tried to call me but i cant take calls at work so ill have to see what they say at lunch, although i really prefer stuff like this in writing. 

    That's a good shout! I think i feel a bit odd about it because we've done a few small trips, but nothing huge, but we have been to some lovely places i think ill try and work that in some how. I definitely want to try and get my dog in there, i'm thinking probably more on the stationary, or something similar. I so wish she could come to it all, but they don't allow dogs and she get scared really easily so it wouldn't be fair on her. 

    I hope everything comes out well with your dress, i'm sure it'll be fine, the one i had was a sample and it was worn for a wedding, and also a celebration ceremony back in the UK, as their actual wedding was in New York! SO it has had a good lot of wear really. 

     

    I think that's cool that your dress has a story :) . Good luck talking to them at lunch! Fingers crossed they have advice/ knowledge about what to do about it!

    Where have you been on your trips? Even places in the UK, like if you've been to the coast you could add some seaside things, shells, etc, a particular food that's associated with a place you've been, like Bakewell tart for Bakewell, Welsh cakes, candy floss if you've been to a seaside pier type place, thistles for design if Scotland, etc! Tables named after the places you've been? Sorry I can waffle on a bit!

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride

    So I spoke with the cleaners at lunch, and they said they noticed the mark during their booking in process, and they did try to clean it but stopped as they have a duty to ensure the garment isn't damaged.

    I don't wanna be "that guy" but i have photos of that actual area that I took before it was sent off, and I cant see any stain at all, so its a bit gutting but such is life! 

    They told me not to try and do anything at home as it may damage it (its like they were reading my mind!) but did offer to try again, if i send it off at a cost of £20 for another few weeks, and they did say it might ruin the lace. 

    Dilemma. 

    I'm going to think on it for a bit, and maybe take photos myself and see how noticeable it actually is. It might be that it wont be that bad, and our photographers are total babes so they would edit it out if it were awful anyway. 

    Failing all that, my mum said she doesn't care if I want to get another, as it was pretty cheap and we can try and sell it on to someone who is less obsessive than me. 

     

    Thanks to some awesome tips from Cecilia13 im going to spend some time pawing through the history of M & I and see what sort of things will be fun to incorporate into the day 

  • cloudatlascloudatlas Posts: 78

    How bad is it, is it big? You might be able to cover it up with a bit of lace applique or beading as an alternative :)  

  • Issa19unionIssa19union Posts: 123 New bride

    I was going to say as above, could you maybe have abit of beading added to cover it up? Or failing that I’m sure a decent photographer can edit it out so it won’t be visible in pics because I doubt anyone will notice on the day unless it’s really big or bright

    I’m also still studying and working in the midst of planning but in a way it helps you to stay on track because you don’t have much spare time to fall back on

  • MrsS85MrsS85 Posts: 688 New bride

    I definitely think trying your dress on and getting your mum to take some pics and then seeing how much it bothers you is the way forward. Good Luck

  • Cecilia13Cecilia13 Posts: 512 New bride
    CoffeeDogAddict wrote (see post):

    So I spoke with the cleaners at lunch, and they said they noticed the mark during their booking in process, and they did try to clean it but stopped as they have a duty to ensure the garment isn't damaged.

    I don't wanna be "that guy" but i have photos of that actual area that I took before it was sent off, and I cant see any stain at all, so its a bit gutting but such is life! 

    They told me not to try and do anything at home as it may damage it (its like they were reading my mind!) but did offer to try again, if i send it off at a cost of £20 for another few weeks, and they did say it might ruin the lace. 

    Dilemma. 

    I'm going to think on it for a bit, and maybe take photos myself and see how noticeable it actually is. It might be that it wont be that bad, and our photographers are total babes so they would edit it out if it were awful anyway. 

    Failing all that, my mum said she doesn't care if I want to get another, as it was pretty cheap and we can try and sell it on to someone who is less obsessive than me. 

     

    Thanks to some awesome tips from Cecilia13 im going to spend some time pawing through the history of M & I and see what sort of things will be fun to incorporate into the day 

    Taking time seems sensible! Also what other people have suggested about adding something over the stain makes sense, obviously depending on the size of it and detail and everything.

    Glad I could help in some way :)

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride

    Humble Pie

    So it appears I have had my first bridal strop (as opposed to all the other strops i usually have). 

    Last night I checked over my dress again, and boy had I made a mountain out of a molehill. I can fully accept I fucked up. There is a little yellow mark, but its tiny and i mean really small. it doesn't come up in photos at all, and you'd have to be creepily close to see it. 

    I may still at some point go and try other dresses on just to help me confirm the choice, but as it stands i'm pretty pleased. I'm sure at some point I will start to feel like a "bride" should. 

    My best friend gets married in 4 days, so I wont be on here until next week I think. I'm her Best Woman, so it's all systems go now and I really cant wait, shes done such an insane job of planning it all. 

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride

    My Best Friends Wedding

    This weekend was the wedding of my best friend, and the couple that M and I met through! They've been together since they were about 16, and are honestly just the cutest, most solid couple I've met. 

    I was a really sweet affair, with only nearest and dearest at the ceremony, a gorgeous hog roast, a small gig put together with friends and family singing them their favourite songs. Utterly perfect, and very "them". 

    I was the Best Woman, so got to wear a very lovely dress from Coast! It was a really odd experience, as our first event as an engaged couple, and of course with so many of our friends being there there was a lot of "so hows your planning going, whats your colour scheme, what will you be going for your day" which is part hilarious part terrifying. 

    The lovely couple seemed to have a wonderful time, and I cant wait to see what the future brings for them. 

     

     

     

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride

    Photographers

    TheTwoPhotographers

    We actually snapped these guys up a few weeks ago, but I just realised I hadn't put anything up about them, and I have nothing else going on so I might as well! 

    I really liked the idea of a team of two, so that I can get a few getting ready photos, and i'd like M to get that too, he will be with his guys for the morning and they're such a funny bunch it would be a shame to miss out on that. M was very much not keen on this....and adamant he would feel awkward and out of place, so I relented. 

    We met them at a wedding fair (our first one!) where we met another photographer also. I had at this point been briefly looking, as I wanted an idea of what to expect for costs, and figured the good ones will book up early!

    They we're so lovely, chatty and open, just giving us loads of advice about what to look out for in general, like accreditation, insurance, and cover plans in case there's an emergency on the day! things I wouldn't have even thought about to be honest.

    They couldn't have been more helpful in the days after the fair when we had loads of questions, and they were kind enough to extend a discount for booking so soon after meeting at the fair! It meant we were able to go for a package better than we had previously thought we could! 

    When we were deciding if we should book, I realised how calm and serene Karen had made me feel while we were talking, and I figured that alone is worth the money when she will be there the morning of the big day! That and they have a drone, so M was immediately on board, and no longer bothered by having someone hanging around on the morning! 

    Here's their website: https://thetwoweddingphotographers.com

    Here's some of their work: 

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    image
    image
    image

    I think they're really lovely, and the right mix of the type my mum will want on the mantelpiece & I will want on my wall haha. 

     

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride

    Our venue booking pack came today <3 

    We're going to open it tonight and have a look through, but its something exciting in a sea of dull at the moment!

  • Your little dog is so cute, how about invites with dogs on? We met through our pet rats and have invites with rats on (well supposed to be mice in fact). If you can't find any with yorkies on, someone would probably design them for you. Or how about a pic of you and your fiance walking a little dog, viewed from the back?

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,256 New bride
    Mrs Squirrel Manning wrote (see post):

    Your little dog is so cute, how about invites with dogs on? We met through our pet rats and have invites with rats on (well supposed to be mice in fact). If you can't find any with yorkies on, someone would probably design them for you. Or how about a pic of you and your fiance walking a little dog, viewed from the back?

    Aw thank you!! That's a really good idea! I think we've decided were going to just keep them simple with little nods to us and places we've been. 

    I found a stamp on Etsy that was a pug with a flower crown, so I might see if I can get it drawn up with a Yorkie and have that made. It'd be well worth the £15 custom stamp!! 

    That's so cute! Did you design your invites yourself or did you manage to find some that had them already? 

  • First Blip

    So we got our venue pack through and it raised a few questions regarding the catering. We knew from day 1 we wanted a BBQ, and we made sure when we viewed the place we told them this. We had already scoured their booklets and saw they do one in the evening, so when we went for a tour we asked if we could have this in the afternoon instead, and we were assured this wouldn't be an issue as they're very flexible with the catering options, even telling us about a couple a few weeks before that just had a picnic!

    So i emailed the venue to ask as the minimum for the BBQ is 100, if we can have less than that, but still pay for the 100 and get 100 peoples worth of food (both of our families love to eat - this will not be an issue!) and they advised that if we wanted the BBQ in the day it would have to be "bespoke" and therefore significantly more. 

    imsorrywhat

    Not pleased over here. I pushed back a bit and informed them that we booked because of the flexibility of the catering, and that we had discussed it and made the person aware of how important it was to us and we weren't told anything about it being "bespoke" 

    We aren't looking to change from the menu - just have one of their menu options earlier in the day than they advertise. 

    They're apparently looking into it now and will come back to us, but i think i'm going to have to make a visit to them sometime. We just need to know where it all stands because the BBQ is £15pp, whereas what they're suggesting "bespoke" will be will cost £45pp, so as you can imagine it will significantly effect our guest list depending on what they say. 

    I'm not gonna lie i'm not impressed. It seems liken they're already being hard work, and where is this flexibility they mentioned before? Suddenly it feels like were being an inconvenience. 

    I'd love to sack them and start again but the deposit was an obscene amount (i guess that's why they do it!) and if we lose it we lose a huge chunk of our budget. 

    We will see what they say, but they're going to have to make an effort and amp up the service a bit to take this sour note away. 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride

    That's annoying, but from their point of view, if the BBQ is your main meal they are going to have to provide more food than if it is just for your evening food.

    We are having a BBQ in the evening, but I would expect if we were having it for our wedding breakfast that people would eat significantly more than if it was just an evening snack IYSWIM?

  • MrsS85MrsS85 Posts: 688 New bride

    As you made it very clear from the start this is what you wanted,  they could have been more transparent in pointing out it could be done but would incur further charges. But from the venues perspective,they probably budget on making a certain amount of revenue on the catering especially the main meal and as MrsC says guest will probably eat more than they would if it was just the evening food and it may be served in a different way that require more staff.

  • Yeah i totally get both points, but the minimum number for the BBQ is 100 and were only having like 75 guests MAX anyway, so i would've thought that would be extra enough. 

    We have to hit a minimum spend regardless of how we do it, so we have to spend £5,500 on the catering and the drinks for the day, but im just frustrated they now seem to be trying to make sure we get less for our money?  Thats sort of how i see it anyway.

    At the end of the day we will have something, and im sure itll be fine, its just it feels a shame when we were so excited and they seemed so accommodating but its all gone out the window when looking into it in detail. 

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