What Am I Doing?! - April 2020

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  • annipooannipoo Posts: 158 New bride
    Do you feel happier about your dress seeing it on again and seeing it accessorised as it'll look on the day? 
  • Just catching up with everything, dress looks beautiful and I love it with the jacket and belt! 

    Im sorry your bridesmaids are frustrating you, honestly I’d just tell them ‘this is the dress’ or at least ‘these are your 3 options, I won’t be ordering the other one as I don’t like the colour sorry’. 

    I know what what you mean about not having gone with what you really wanted all along and wishing for a reset. Honestly I’m only medium happy with everything from the invitations to the colour scheme to the planned table decorations. I’ve had to go with what worked best in budget (e.g. bridesmaid dresses were such a bargain and once those were bought they kind of decided the pale grey/silver/neutrals colour scheme rather than the rich berry tones I really wanted) or what was most practical or worked best for the people helping us out with various aspects. Plus I’m gutted to not have a live band nor a photo booth both of which I REALLY wanted. I just remind myself it’s going to be an amazing day anyway and I’ll be too busy getting married to sweat the small stuff on the day. I think because I planned my absolute perfect wedding with my ex, literally everything was what I had thought about, daydreamed of and hoped for - and ultimately none of it meant anything in the end! I don’t know if that experience has permanently killed my capacity to get invested in stationary or cake details, in a way it’s sad as I’m maybe missing out on lots of the excitement but I also avoid a lot of stress this way! 
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 104 New bride
    Your dress looks gorgeous and I definitely think better without the veil as then you can really show it off! Although possibly I’m biased because I don’t want a veil..
    Sorry your bridesmaids aren’t making things easy for you... I definitely think you should stand your ground on at least the colour! I love the floral dresses in particular :)
  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 807 New bride
    You're dress is stunning, you must be so pleased with it!

    Just to go back to the multiway bridesmaids dresses: this was a route I decided to go down because two out of my three were pregnant or had recently given birth so it seemed the best way to make last minute adjustments for their changing bodies. One of the ladies was concerned about being bigger on top and the support, but we solved it by sewing the sashes into place on the day to give her the extra support she wanted, which worked fine. I also added sparkly belts and provided seasonal faux fur wraps and cardigans for comfort, so they're easy to accessorise to create a unique look.

    Regardless, you should go with the ones you really like! Just use their line "why dont [we] just order it and we can see what its like"!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,253 New bride
    Thanks for all the love and help!! I've pretty much decided re bridesmaids dresses now that it will be the multiway ones, UNLESS any of the 3 i've ordered for my MOH this week make her feel fantastic, and if that's the case ill pick out a dress for each of the others to tie in with hers. 

    I do feel so much more confident about the dress now, it still feels a bit odd and i think i feel a bit strange just because its quite dramatic, but that's purely because in my daily life my hair sits in a bun (often unbrushed), i wear jeans, a tshirt (sometimes Ms tshirts) and trainers. I don't even wear much make up anymore so its just a bit different to how i'm used to seeing myself. All that said, it isn't that i don't feel like myself, i used to be very girly and glam and honestly, its just that the recent ups and downs of my mental health that made it too exhausting to bother anymore, so its nice to see i can still do "pretty". When i saw it with the jacket on i got a real pang of "i cant wait for M to see me" which felt lovely. 

    We're just under the 6 month mark now which has me questioning time and space. How does time manage make each day drag so much, but you blink and its bloody October! If anyone knows where i can find the pause button for this year id appreciate it!

    I really need to finish the invites, and i have tomorrow off for an interview so i'm going to try and distract myself by getting as much of them done as i can, other than that its time to keep nagging M about his suit, make the ceremony backdrop, sort bridesmaids dresses, and then i think its mostly the little things that you think you just have loads of time for, like making playlists, writing place names, finalising decor, sorting vows, deciding on hairstyles ect. 


  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 102 New bride
    Great you've decided on the bridesmaids dresses! Let us know how you get on.
    You look lovely in your dress! I love that you had that little pang - so exciting :blush: 
    Good luck for your interview! And with the invites
  • MrsW2020MrsW2020 Posts: 222 New bride
    Good luck for your interview tomorrow!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,253 New bride
    Thanks @AmyFSToBe ; & @MrsW2020 it went pretty well and apparently its down to me and one other so im crossing everything!

    I managed to get all the pocket fold templates cut out, and i sat and printed a bunch of the inserts. I've been doing a few at a time so the poor printer doesn't explode and they seem to be coming out alright.

    Today we paid off the 50% estimated catering bill which is sad but also exciting! I know i'm often too pedantic for my own good but they have done 50% and a little bit (it definitely isn't VAT as that's included) but our logic is the final count will be down to the pence and that's the invoice we will call them out on if need be. If we end up with less people then it should mean less of a financial output 6 weeks before which would be nice.

    Tomorrow i'm taking my Aunt to the venue, shes the ones who's an absolute rock star and has lent me Hobbycraft to do my invites, and generally has just been my savior since childhood. I really hope she likes it, although i know she will just be happy that i'm happy.

    Dresses for my MOH have all arrived but i'm not going over until Friday, and shes started to feel a bit less unwell now so hopefully it wont feel as awful for her, she really has had it rough.

    I'm off now to start folding and gluing 40 bits of card :D
  • Didn't get the job :( Very gutted because it would have been so so much better but what can you do. Apparently it was very close but that doesn't exactly make me feel much better about it. 

    Off to my sisters tonight to try on the 3 dresses and hopefully one is a winner, but at least if they aren't then we have more of an idea of how to move forward.

    I have to drop my engagement ring off tomorrow so they can measure up my wedding band with it as they make it which is exciting! And M's band has been posted off so should be with us in the next few days. 

    Things definitely feel like they're getting there. The visit to the venue with my Aunt was really lovely and she absolutely loves it, which is some nice validation! Her wedding to my uncle wasn't what they had really wanted, it was very parent lead so she is such an advocate of always asking me "is this what you both want" around any idea or decision made. Its a small gesture but goes such a long way. She really helped with backing up my ideas that we just don't need that much decor, so i think all in all we've settled on the ideas we had generally so i'm going to make a master list to help keep it all on track. 

    The invites are slowly ticking along, i just need to sit and fold, glue and then just cut all the inserts to size and they're good to go! 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    Didn't get the job :( Very gutted because it would have been so so much better but what can you do. Apparently it was very close but that doesn't exactly make me feel much better about it. 

    Off to my sisters tonight to try on the 3 dresses and hopefully one is a winner, but at least if they aren't then we have more of an idea of how to move forward.

    I have to drop my engagement ring off tomorrow so they can measure up my wedding band with it as they make it which is exciting! And M's band has been posted off so should be with us in the next few days. 

    Things definitely feel like they're getting there. The visit to the venue with my Aunt was really lovely and she absolutely loves it, which is some nice validation! Her wedding to my uncle wasn't what they had really wanted, it was very parent lead so she is such an advocate of always asking me "is this what you both want" around any idea or decision made. Its a small gesture but goes such a long way. She really helped with backing up my ideas that we just don't need that much decor, so i think all in all we've settled on the ideas we had generally so i'm going to make a master list to help keep it all on track. 

    The invites are slowly ticking along, i just need to sit and fold, glue and then just cut all the inserts to size and they're good to go! 
    It's a shame but there will be other jobs - and better not to go and work somewhere if they don't really get you, in my experience :)

    Good luck with the dresses :)

    How exciting about the rings - I still love mine, I tried it on all the time before we were married, saddo that I am!

    Glad visit went well, less is often more with decor, and it's a complete waste of money if you don't need it  - glad your aunt has reassured you.

    Happy gluing - I've got 60 thank you cards to write this weekend :(
  • MrsW2020MrsW2020 Posts: 222 New bride
    Oh no, sorry about the job! Have you got any other interviews coming up?

    How did the dress try on session go?
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,253 New bride
    edited 14 October
    No more interviews at the moment - it was the first one i had in about 18 months of looking :( I'm applying again for things now, but it seems pretty thin on the ground. Without going into a whole new saga, im getting to the point im going to end up being signed off, so crossing everything that i find something before that happens!

    MOH dresses went alright, 1 of the 3 is so far a winner but we have ordered it in a different colour to see if she prefers that. ASOS seem to have so little stock at the moment! Neither items are in the sale but both potentials (each colour) is now totally sold out, and sizes were so limited we had to go one down in one colour and 3 up in another! It will need altering to a degree anyway, so it isn't a huge issue, just seems shocking coming into party season!

    This is the dress thats winning so far: 

    Image result for ASOS DESIGN Curve Fallen Shoulder Prom Dress with Tie Detail

    and then i have ordered it in this pattern too:
    Image result for ASOS DESIGN Curve Fallen Shoulder Prom Dress with Tie Detail floral

    just in case! 

    and as a total back up we might try :smile:
    Image result for ASOS DESIGN Curve Fallen Shoulder Prom Dress with Tie Detail uk24
    but i know one of the things she liked about the others was the floaty skirt. 

    The sequin one was an even worse colour in real life, it really wasn't flattering on her at all, and its so far from any colours were using it just seemed like it would be silly to use it, so at least now i can tell the others it was tried and its a total no go. Also the sleeves themselves aren't lined, so it felt pretty scratchy. 

    Plan is once her dress is sorted i'll send it to the others and ask them to pick something that ties in, and then its going to pretty much be up to them. And if they don't do it because they cant be arsed then they will get whatever i put them in! 

    My MOH kept apologising for her size and it absolutely breaks my heart. Our mum is very unsupportive and we grew up in a household of disordered eating and crash diets. Lately my mum has lost a lot of weight on Slimming World and due to this has been casting off her old clothes to my sister, saying "i'm too small for these now they don't fit me so you should have them" and she fixates on what size my sister is, like it means anything. My mums away again now but her take on the dresses was "she will look great once shes got a tan and has make up on" and my sister has NEVER worn fake tan...in her entire life....shes the textbook definition of gothic beauty! 

    So, after snapping at my mum a bit and trying to make sure my sister knows that her size has zero bearing on her awesomeness - i think were getting there!

    Off honeymoon shopping at the weekend and hitting Ikea for all the bits i've seen in the last year, so its likely to be a stressful, expensive, but productive weekend ahead! 




  • Second version of the dress has already arrived woohoo!! MOH is off work currently as she isn't well, but has said she doesn't want to try it on yet. I get it, its boring and not fun for her, but when i asked for her to do it this week (before she goes back to work) and ideally asap (because ill need to drive to hers to collect whichever one isn't right) she seemed a bit put out. 

    She seems to either not be that fussed, or just have no comprehension that i've had to pay for 4 dresses for her (at £241!!! ) and currently i have zero pennies back from it, and i wont get any until about a week after they're sent back so the sooner the better! Having to remind myself that not everyone would be as excited as i am to get a free dress that i get to pick :D


  • It sounds like you're being really patient re. the bridesmaid dresses! This seems to be a really difficult area for lots of brides. It's good that you're letting the bridesmaids choose something to go with the MOH's dress once that's sorted. Then if they don't sort something they can't complain about what you choose if you have to step in!
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 158 New bride
    That's a shame about the job but the right one will come along at some point. In the words of probably everyone's granny "what's for you won't go by you". It's always worthwhile asking for feedback from the interview (if you can face that feeling of being criticised) so you know what to work on for future interviews. 

    I'm glad to see you're starting to get somewhere with the bridesmaid dresses. Fingers crossed your MOH likes at least one of them and you can move forward with your planning.

    I found that story about how critical your mum is really upsetting. I really hate it when people with kids go on stupid fad diets because it just sets such a bad example for their children to have really unhealthy attitudes to food, weight and body image. It's just sad that even as adults you and your sister are still having to deal with that same shit, rather than having a mum that's supportive. You should just adopt your super aunt instead, she sounds awesome! 
  • Sorry about the job. I had the same thing last week, interview and full day of lesson observations/tasks for a job I really thought would be perfect for me and I felt it went so well but didn’t get it. It’s so disappointing and you can’t help beating yourself up, even with good feedback. I really hope you find something soon. 

    You are being so endlessly patient with the bridesmaid dresses, I feel bad that I just basically bought two dresses and handed them to my bridesmaids like ‘this is what you’re wearing’! Hopefully they do like them though, I would have changed them if they’d really hated them but that’s as accommodating as I could afford to be unfortunately so I hope your bridesmaids appreciate what a great bride they’re working with 😀
  • I'm finding the same with low stock levels on bridesmaids dresses, not just on ASOS but everywhere! I've made a list of dresses to show my bridesmaids but half of them are out of stock or low stock. I'm hoping they get more in!
  • Ditto on this - I'm hoping its because new seasons are about to be released for next year's weddings...
  • I read somewhere that most high street stores only get bridesmaids stock in once a year, around April, which feels helpful to precisely nobody! Cant remember where i read it though, and it could all be rubbish! 

    MOH dress has been decided as the pinkish one, so at least all the others can get sent back tomorrow and i can finally get some money back and get the ball rolling with the rest of them! 

    We have a wedmin meeting booked for tomorrow and i keep meaning to do a big list of all the things we need for each area but i just cant bring myself to do it, and trying to get M to actually move forward with suit hunting is like asking a pig to fly! He very proudly stated last night that the Moss Bros website says they can get a suit in in a month, so he doesn't need to rush, and i told him probably rather impolitely that if he left it til after Christmas he would have one very stroppy fiance on his hands. He then suggested he goes with his dad and brother on one of the only 3 days i have left of annual leave that i booked specifically so we could spend some quality time together..... i love him but lord give me patience. 

    I know i have procrastinated a lot during this process and definitely should have started things sooner, but he really excels at doing his utmost to leave things as late as possible, and it worries me how well hes able to tune out my mild nagging already! 

    Absolutely determined to get these bloody invites out before the end of the month, because the backdrop diy is really starting to stress me out, and at this rate everyone will have 2 weeks to RSVP  :D
  • Oh I really hope that isn't the case with high street bridesmaid dresses - I haven't started looking in earnest yet for them and was pinning my hopes on new collections being released rather conveniently over the next couple of months... which coincidentally would have been perfect timing... Talk about blue sky thinking!

    My OH is the same - he keeps proudly telling me that suits don't need nearly the same length of time as a dress (which I understand) but that doesn't mean it should be left to the last possible minute! 
  • Having survived Milton Keynes shopping center AND Ikea yesterday i think i can now very safely say M and I are definitely a good match. We managed the whole day without a single argument! 9am start, home gone 7pm, and A LOT of stress but we did it :D

    Kuoni was such a disappointment. I'm not going to sit an bash anyone because the girl seemed lovely but it was an hour of us sat there while she mostly searched flights, zero help with what hotels are nicer, only to discover she had been doing it all fro the wrong dates (even though we gave her all the dates at the beginning) so all the prices she had quoted were for in term time, and therefore FAR cheaper than it was actually ever going to be for us as were limited to school holidays. Bit frustrating.

    For a week in Sorrento B&B it was coming in at £3200, over the max budget we had given her anyway, and as far as we can tell theres nothing special about the hotel she picked at all, it looks very standard, and she never explained what was included to justify the price at all.

    Our Trailfinders appointment was a bit better, they went over the pros and cons of the different areas we were looking at, but it still came in around £2400 and again theres nothing special about the hotel. No amazing room with sea views, just a standard double room with breakfast.

    I know their job is to just find holidays but neither seemed to listen when we said we were hoping for something a little bit luxury with a nice room and nice views. We just got very standard hotels and then sat debating flight times more than the rest of it.

    I've done a little bit of looking this morning and found some lovely hotels in the same sort of area, some have Jacuzzi in the rooms or on the terrace, for cheaper than we were quoted!!

    I was really hoping we could just go through a company to save the hassle but it looks like if we want what we want were better off just doing it ourselves.

    I think Kuoni was the biggest disappointment, they're meant to specialize in honeymoons and they did nothing to make it feel special, and if what we wanted wasn't going to fit in our budget i'd have thought they could explain that, and try to go through some alternatives but there was none of that. It was all very - this is the price for here at this time with these flights- end of story.

    Ikea was alright except they no longer seem to do fabric by the meter so ill have to look for that elsewhere, and M was adamant that we only need 2 (!) chopping boards to use on our dessert table. We're hoping to have a cake, and about 5-6 other types of treats, and he picked 2 boards smaller than A4 paper. I couldn't be arsed to argue so thats what we have, and ill just add to it later.

    He also said he thinks its absolutely fine to use the venues XL wood4en log slice for our cake, and i think its just going to look like the saddest thing ever. Its huge, and made to fit 4 tier cakes on so its probably a good 1/3 pf a meter across, and were thinking of having one tiny single tier cake for 30 people........ it'll look plonked on and lost! Again, another battle for another day.

    He has booked an appointment at Moss Bros though so im hopeful he finds something there that he likes.

    I have so much DIY to be getting on with and i've just completely lost interest in all of it. I cant be arsed to do anything, but i know im just in a bit of a rough patch. Invites are probably about half way there, just need writing, trimming and sticking now.
  • Those prices are absolutely insane for Italy! Definitely book it yourself separately, it's so much cheaper and you can usually find nicer places.
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 102 New bride
    Sounds like a busy weekend! What a shame about the travel companies. I've never really used one for holidays and feel like they inflate their prices too much for them to be worth it. Also I thought I'd just mention, we're looking at Sri Lanka for our honeymoon (obvs for March 2021) but I keep checking the March 2020 prices to get an idea of what they're like and they're so good. I've been looking on Emirates Holidays and you're looking at around £1,200 per person for a week full board (and flights on Emirates, which is a lovely airline) - just thought I'd let you know! Could be worth checking out for your April dates, they don't seem much higher :)
    Maybe for the wooden log, you could have the cake in the centre and have some of your other treats around the outside? That would look cute!
    Good luck with the invites! Would be great to see them when they're finished :)
  • If you do feel like you want to use a company for booking, I can recommend travel counsellors. They work from home but you message/ call and they do a lot of the legwork for you. The lady I use is fabulous and has become a friend - she’s found us some real gems on tight budgets! Let me know if you want her details. 

    You made me laugh with your battles for another day, I’ve had plenty of those with R! 
  • That's interesting about the travel agents. I always plan our holidays and book everything myself but I thought for the honeymoon I might do a package with an travel agent just for ease. Sounds like it might not be worth it though!
  • MrsW2020MrsW2020 Posts: 222 New bride
    Me and mum booked a holiday last year and we went into a travel agent on the high street (Thomas cook actually 😬) thinking we would get a better deal, but all they did was go on websites we could get on ourselves and print out some quotes. We ended up booking online but through a live chat agent on a travel company’s website, and she was able to give us a discount and threw in a couple extras for when we got to the hotel. Might be worth seeing if that’s an option?
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 158 New bride
    I've never used a travel agent to book a holiday either, I always just book everything myself. H2b thinks my way of doing things is really expensive but that's because I book all the excursions we plan to go on in advance (plus he'd be happy staying in a hostel which is definitely not for me!) I would have expected more from Kuoni though, especially since they make a point of advertising themselves as a luxury brand.

    Could you surround the cake with flowers (real or fake) to stop it looking lost? 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    We go to Italy a lot and we always just book it ourselves, never used a travel agent.

    I know what you mean though, we went to First Choice to talk about honeymoons and she didn't have any advice to offer, was just searching their website the same as I could at home, then spent 10 minutes and called another colleague over to try to convince me to go to the one place I had specifically told her we didn't want to go! I think travel agents have had their day to be honest apart from really specialist ones. We've been to 3 now and all they have done is search websites I could search myself, they don't seem to have any specialist knowledge at all in the chain ones. A local chain near us called Baldwins were really helpful though.
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,253 New bride
    edited 21 October
    Thanks for all the tips!

    We've never used a travel agent before but we just thought it would be good to go to experts and see what they suggested, as we are so open on where we go we had hoped they would be able to offer more advise than the internet but apparently not! I know they're generally not exactly value, but we did at least think that they might be able to find us nicer hotels or have exclusives or perks, but there was zilch to justify it all! 

    We will definitely be looking online now, but we're back to debating when to go. We had initially thought we would go to Disneyland Paris right after, and then go to Italy in the May half term, mostly so the weather was a bit better in May, but looking at averages it seems like its still good in April and it seems about £500 odd cheaper per person, but then do we want to miss out on Disneyland, or do we just swap and do that as a general trip away instead of making it a minimoon? 

    Can you tell i overthink?  :D Either way i don't think it really matters, we will still likely do both next year and it doesn't matter if one is a honeymoon and ones a trip or if ones a minimoon and the others a honeymoon, its just a bloody label. 

    I got a message off my mum last night complaining that the rooms at the venue have a check out time of 9am... she isn't even staying in one!!! I don't know why she felt the need to complain and say how stupid it was for after a wedding when she isn't bloody using it! She said its unlikely there's anyone booked in for a wedding on the Monday so why would it matter.....not like its a business they're trying to run! 

    Had a very odd wedding dream last night, but actually about a family friends wedding we have in January! For some reason we left early and then had to go back to sign out... god knows whats going on in my brain! 

    This week i'm going to try and get the bridesmaids to start looking for outfits, finish the next two stages of the invites at least, and see if the last people that need to book a room can do so before the invites go out and they become fair game to everyone. 

    I also completely forgot to mention that i found a garland for the backdrop!! Its beautiful, but i've barely unwrapped it yet for fear of damaging it but ill pop a picture up tonight. 
  • Also thanks for the idea re putting other bits around the cake on the log slice!! Hadn't thought of that at all but it would work really well! 
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