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What Am I Doing?! - April 2020/2021 (A Tale Of Two Weddings)



  • Sorry about the job. I had the same thing last week, interview and full day of lesson observations/tasks for a job I really thought would be perfect for me and I felt it went so well but didn’t get it. It’s so disappointing and you can’t help beating yourself up, even with good feedback. I really hope you find something soon. 

    You are being so endlessly patient with the bridesmaid dresses, I feel bad that I just basically bought two dresses and handed them to my bridesmaids like ‘this is what you’re wearing’! Hopefully they do like them though, I would have changed them if they’d really hated them but that’s as accommodating as I could afford to be unfortunately so I hope your bridesmaids appreciate what a great bride they’re working with 😀
  • I'm finding the same with low stock levels on bridesmaids dresses, not just on ASOS but everywhere! I've made a list of dresses to show my bridesmaids but half of them are out of stock or low stock. I'm hoping they get more in!
  • Ditto on this - I'm hoping its because new seasons are about to be released for next year's weddings...
  • I read somewhere that most high street stores only get bridesmaids stock in once a year, around April, which feels helpful to precisely nobody! Cant remember where i read it though, and it could all be rubbish! 

    MOH dress has been decided as the pinkish one, so at least all the others can get sent back tomorrow and i can finally get some money back and get the ball rolling with the rest of them! 

    We have a wedmin meeting booked for tomorrow and i keep meaning to do a big list of all the things we need for each area but i just cant bring myself to do it, and trying to get M to actually move forward with suit hunting is like asking a pig to fly! He very proudly stated last night that the Moss Bros website says they can get a suit in in a month, so he doesn't need to rush, and i told him probably rather impolitely that if he left it til after Christmas he would have one very stroppy fiance on his hands. He then suggested he goes with his dad and brother on one of the only 3 days i have left of annual leave that i booked specifically so we could spend some quality time together..... i love him but lord give me patience. 

    I know i have procrastinated a lot during this process and definitely should have started things sooner, but he really excels at doing his utmost to leave things as late as possible, and it worries me how well hes able to tune out my mild nagging already! 

    Absolutely determined to get these bloody invites out before the end of the month, because the backdrop diy is really starting to stress me out, and at this rate everyone will have 2 weeks to RSVP  :D
  • Oh I really hope that isn't the case with high street bridesmaid dresses - I haven't started looking in earnest yet for them and was pinning my hopes on new collections being released rather conveniently over the next couple of months... which coincidentally would have been perfect timing... Talk about blue sky thinking!

    My OH is the same - he keeps proudly telling me that suits don't need nearly the same length of time as a dress (which I understand) but that doesn't mean it should be left to the last possible minute! 
  • Having survived Milton Keynes shopping center AND Ikea yesterday i think i can now very safely say M and I are definitely a good match. We managed the whole day without a single argument! 9am start, home gone 7pm, and A LOT of stress but we did it :D

    Kuoni was such a disappointment. I'm not going to sit an bash anyone because the girl seemed lovely but it was an hour of us sat there while she mostly searched flights, zero help with what hotels are nicer, only to discover she had been doing it all fro the wrong dates (even though we gave her all the dates at the beginning) so all the prices she had quoted were for in term time, and therefore FAR cheaper than it was actually ever going to be for us as were limited to school holidays. Bit frustrating.

    For a week in Sorrento B&B it was coming in at £3200, over the max budget we had given her anyway, and as far as we can tell theres nothing special about the hotel she picked at all, it looks very standard, and she never explained what was included to justify the price at all.

    Our Trailfinders appointment was a bit better, they went over the pros and cons of the different areas we were looking at, but it still came in around £2400 and again theres nothing special about the hotel. No amazing room with sea views, just a standard double room with breakfast.

    I know their job is to just find holidays but neither seemed to listen when we said we were hoping for something a little bit luxury with a nice room and nice views. We just got very standard hotels and then sat debating flight times more than the rest of it.

    I've done a little bit of looking this morning and found some lovely hotels in the same sort of area, some have Jacuzzi in the rooms or on the terrace, for cheaper than we were quoted!!

    I was really hoping we could just go through a company to save the hassle but it looks like if we want what we want were better off just doing it ourselves.

    I think Kuoni was the biggest disappointment, they're meant to specialize in honeymoons and they did nothing to make it feel special, and if what we wanted wasn't going to fit in our budget i'd have thought they could explain that, and try to go through some alternatives but there was none of that. It was all very - this is the price for here at this time with these flights- end of story.

    Ikea was alright except they no longer seem to do fabric by the meter so ill have to look for that elsewhere, and M was adamant that we only need 2 (!) chopping boards to use on our dessert table. We're hoping to have a cake, and about 5-6 other types of treats, and he picked 2 boards smaller than A4 paper. I couldn't be arsed to argue so thats what we have, and ill just add to it later.

    He also said he thinks its absolutely fine to use the venues XL wood4en log slice for our cake, and i think its just going to look like the saddest thing ever. Its huge, and made to fit 4 tier cakes on so its probably a good 1/3 pf a meter across, and were thinking of having one tiny single tier cake for 30 people........ it'll look plonked on and lost! Again, another battle for another day.

    He has booked an appointment at Moss Bros though so im hopeful he finds something there that he likes.

    I have so much DIY to be getting on with and i've just completely lost interest in all of it. I cant be arsed to do anything, but i know im just in a bit of a rough patch. Invites are probably about half way there, just need writing, trimming and sticking now.
  • Those prices are absolutely insane for Italy! Definitely book it yourself separately, it's so much cheaper and you can usually find nicer places.
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 324 New bride
    Sounds like a busy weekend! What a shame about the travel companies. I've never really used one for holidays and feel like they inflate their prices too much for them to be worth it. Also I thought I'd just mention, we're looking at Sri Lanka for our honeymoon (obvs for March 2021) but I keep checking the March 2020 prices to get an idea of what they're like and they're so good. I've been looking on Emirates Holidays and you're looking at around £1,200 per person for a week full board (and flights on Emirates, which is a lovely airline) - just thought I'd let you know! Could be worth checking out for your April dates, they don't seem much higher :)
    Maybe for the wooden log, you could have the cake in the centre and have some of your other treats around the outside? That would look cute!
    Good luck with the invites! Would be great to see them when they're finished :)
  • If you do feel like you want to use a company for booking, I can recommend travel counsellors. They work from home but you message/ call and they do a lot of the legwork for you. The lady I use is fabulous and has become a friend - she’s found us some real gems on tight budgets! Let me know if you want her details. 

    You made me laugh with your battles for another day, I’ve had plenty of those with R! 
  • That's interesting about the travel agents. I always plan our holidays and book everything myself but I thought for the honeymoon I might do a package with an travel agent just for ease. Sounds like it might not be worth it though!
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 276 New bride
    I've never used a travel agent to book a holiday either, I always just book everything myself. H2b thinks my way of doing things is really expensive but that's because I book all the excursions we plan to go on in advance (plus he'd be happy staying in a hostel which is definitely not for me!) I would have expected more from Kuoni though, especially since they make a point of advertising themselves as a luxury brand.

    Could you surround the cake with flowers (real or fake) to stop it looking lost? 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride
    We go to Italy a lot and we always just book it ourselves, never used a travel agent.

    I know what you mean though, we went to First Choice to talk about honeymoons and she didn't have any advice to offer, was just searching their website the same as I could at home, then spent 10 minutes and called another colleague over to try to convince me to go to the one place I had specifically told her we didn't want to go! I think travel agents have had their day to be honest apart from really specialist ones. We've been to 3 now and all they have done is search websites I could search myself, they don't seem to have any specialist knowledge at all in the chain ones. A local chain near us called Baldwins were really helpful though.
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,449 New bride
    edited October 2019
    Thanks for all the tips!

    We've never used a travel agent before but we just thought it would be good to go to experts and see what they suggested, as we are so open on where we go we had hoped they would be able to offer more advise than the internet but apparently not! I know they're generally not exactly value, but we did at least think that they might be able to find us nicer hotels or have exclusives or perks, but there was zilch to justify it all! 

    We will definitely be looking online now, but we're back to debating when to go. We had initially thought we would go to Disneyland Paris right after, and then go to Italy in the May half term, mostly so the weather was a bit better in May, but looking at averages it seems like its still good in April and it seems about £500 odd cheaper per person, but then do we want to miss out on Disneyland, or do we just swap and do that as a general trip away instead of making it a minimoon? 

    Can you tell i overthink?  :D Either way i don't think it really matters, we will still likely do both next year and it doesn't matter if one is a honeymoon and ones a trip or if ones a minimoon and the others a honeymoon, its just a bloody label. 

    I got a message off my mum last night complaining that the rooms at the venue have a check out time of 9am... she isn't even staying in one!!! I don't know why she felt the need to complain and say how stupid it was for after a wedding when she isn't bloody using it! She said its unlikely there's anyone booked in for a wedding on the Monday so why would it matter.....not like its a business they're trying to run! 

    Had a very odd wedding dream last night, but actually about a family friends wedding we have in January! For some reason we left early and then had to go back to sign out... god knows whats going on in my brain! 

    This week i'm going to try and get the bridesmaids to start looking for outfits, finish the next two stages of the invites at least, and see if the last people that need to book a room can do so before the invites go out and they become fair game to everyone. 

    I also completely forgot to mention that i found a garland for the backdrop!! Its beautiful, but i've barely unwrapped it yet for fear of damaging it but ill pop a picture up tonight. 
  • Also thanks for the idea re putting other bits around the cake on the log slice!! Hadn't thought of that at all but it would work really well! 
  • I've seen cakes surrounded by big marshmallows, fruit, etc. and they look great! Also cupcakes is an option.

    I'm an over thinker too. 21 months 'til we get married but I've already thought about EVERY detail, how it's all going to work, etc. etc.!
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 324 New bride
    As you said I don't think it matters which is labelled as which! Although if Italy is cheaper then, why not go for it straight away as a honeymoon? And then go to Disneyland later in the year as a little treat.
    Oh mums can be a special breed can't they? Hang in there!!
    Can't wait to see a pic of the garland! So glad you found one
  • Marshmallows sounds lovely!!

    Thank you! I had a look today and the prices for the hotel we were going to use at Disneyland have gone from £95 per night to £130!! So that's made our decision for us! 

    Had a bit of luck with Facebook marketplace this evening, I got two peg letter boards, 10 led tealights, 9 small blackboards with easels and 10 mini easels for £13!! 

    Very chuffed with that! I'm hoping to use the little blackboards on the dessert table so people know what's what. 

    Also finally got a picture of the garland! Its the next thing on the list so hopefully in a few weeks I'll be able to show it properly.

  • I had a few days off work to be with M during half term and we managed to get quite a lot done! 

    His ring arrived and he loves it so that's a huge relief! He wouldn't let me take a picture though, he's a bit precious about people seeing it! 

    We're also basically done with all the invites FINALLY and just need to pop them in their envelopes. I had a meltdown after I had stuck all the bits in, and the first two types of glue did nothing at all and then the third warped the card a bit but honestly at this stage I just can't be doing anything again! 
    You can see they have taken over the dining table!! 

    We also FINALLY booked our honeymoon!! We were starting to feel a bit despondent, as we had thought a £3,000 budget and 10 days would be "enough" but all the travel agents we spoke to it was all so underwhelming! No one was able to find us anything that felt a bit special that was within budget, so off I went hunting! 

    We had so many back and forths on the place and the type of holiday and we then saw a stunning hotel way under budget in Lanzarote! 

    We have 7 nights all inclusive at a 4* adult only hotel in the fanciest room they had, all under budget! It's two days after the wedding too which I think will be lovely to just get that peace and quiet! 

  • That sounds like a productive few days! Must be a relief to get the invites done, 1 big task out of the way!

    I think we'll be going on our honeymoon a 2-3 days after the wedding too. I think it's good to have a couple of days to relax and to see people who've travelled to attend the wedding. Also you don't want to have to worry about being all packed and ready to go the day after the wedding, it's definitely better to have a bit of time to finalise packing, etc.!

  • Thanks! It definitely feels good, but i think because i ended up leaving the invites that bit later than i had hoped we are going to have to post most of them, which isn't a huge issue but will probably be more than a normal stamp, as when we designed them  it was with the thought that most would be hand delivered! Funny how these little costs add up. 

    M has his first suit shopping session tomorrow and its killing me that i have NO idea what hes going for, other than gray. I know he will look gorgeous no matter what but the control freak in me is definitely struggling. I'm looking forward to having a day to myself though i must admit, i don't often get free reign of the TV!

    My bridesmaids are still no further ahead, one of them found a dress she likes but isn't coming back to me on actually ordering it. I asked again for her size a few days ago as ASOS had a 20% off code and she read it and didn't reply, so that's great.... and another of my bridesmaids has told me shes TTC again so we will sort hers nearer the time, no problem there. Third bridesmaid has still given zero ideas or updates. At a point where i may just pick something out for them again because the constant chasing is such a pain.

    The idea that next week marks 5 months to go is really filling me with dread. Its all the little details and diy bits now and i really wish we had got started on everything a bit sooner. For so long i felt stupid for wanting to do wedding bits or to go shopping to look for things we could use, and now i wish i had just allowed myself to enjoy it a bit more and space it out, to save this feeling of dread. 

    November is a partially free weekend month, but only because i cancelled a trip to see my mum at the Christmas markets because otherwise every weekend would have been hectic. December is shaping up to have every weekend in another part of the country seeing one person or another, January we have two weekends of events, and then it feels like its crunch time! Out of the 22 weekends we have until the wedding, 7 are taken up with events of some form. I think i need to sit and work on an action plan, so i can space out what to do and when so it feels a bit less haphazard, but i cant even muster the brainpower to do that at the moment!
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 214 New bride
    Congrats on booking your honeymoon! I've never been to Lanzerote but the hotel looks gorgeous and it'll be so lovely to relax after all your hard work. Have to say, I think I would have lost my mind with your bridesmaids by now - I think you're totally within your rights to just take control and choose something for them, as they are not making things easy for you in the slightest.
    Totally sympathize re the suit - I would freak out if I didn't know what J was wearing. I bet M will look amazing though, and grey is a great colour.
  • M found his suit! 😍 He looks GORGEOUS! After all those months of him saying I wouldn't see it, he wanted me to have a look to reaffirm his thoughts, but he didn't try on a tie or anything so it wasn't the full look. Feel very mushy and excited now!! 

    We started handing out some invitations and within 4 hours had backlash, which after a lot of consideration today we have relented on. Yeah it sucks but it ultimately came down to one person so we figured we had to pick our battles. 

    It's all veryyyyy slowly getting somewhere! 
  • Oh how exciting! So glad he’s happy with it and that you love it.
    Oh no what happened with the invitations? Hope all okay!!
  • I'm still thinking about this weekend and some of the backlash we got, and i know that decisions have been made and there's nothing we can do, but i'm going to have a little rant anyway. 

    On Saturday M went suit shopping with his dad and brother, and apparently whilst out his dad brought up that they (both his parents) didn't think it was "right" that someone wasn't invited, lets call them B. B is the long term boyfriend of one of Ms cousins, and in the 4 years B has been with Ms cousin, M hadn't ever met him. B had never come to any of the big family events at all. 

    We had a solid rule, that if we hadn't both met them then they weren't invited (bar older relatives with restricted access to going out) and seeing as not even one of us had met him it was an easy no. Issue i suppose was, that B was the only partner of a cousin not invited. Out of the 3 cousins, one got married in August and we had met the partner before their wedding, another we met the partner at Christmas and then theres B, who we then DID meet in august, but after we had already made our guestlist. 

    When we met him it was literally in passing, as they walked past us and the cousin went "B this is K & M" and they carried on walking. We didn't see them again at all for the rest of the wedding so never actually spoke to either of them. As a side note that shouldn't be important but it feels like it is to me - B partakes in a traditional British past time that i DO NOT agree with at all, and it actually makes me so angry that someone who agrees in and takes part in these things will be there. 

    Ms parents stayed for dinner on Saturday night and we had a lovely evening, and them on Sunday we get this long winded message about how "concessions must be made when planning a wedding" and that flipped the switch. Cue us going out for a 45 minute walk because we were both so livid that 1- they couldn't have this conversation with us like adults face to face and 2 - that they think we haven't made concessions so far. 

    We did relent and B is now coming, along with Ms sisters boyfriend (which we never had an issue with, but they weren't dating when we drafted the guest list and we thought he might prefer to come to the evening so he isn't hanging about on his own during the ceremony and photos. Plus they're at Uni ,who knows how serious it is...) but we drafted a very long winded response basically stating that actually, the issue is because to us this isn't making a concession by adding one more person, its adding the 41st person that ACTUALLY we hadn't originally planned to be there. M explained to his parents that i didn't even want a wedding, so to me having the amount of people we are is a huge sacrifice, and they need to appreciate the fact that we could have very easily stuck to our guns and not even invited any of the cousins full stop! 

    It just feels so frustrating, and i know it stems from that side of the family being very traditional and prim and proper, but it just highlights why i really really didn't want to go down this route to begin with. I'm still glad were doing it the way we are, and i know had we eloped there would be a whole host of other dramas and uncomfortable conversations, but its the way that month on month people think thy have the right to make your wedding more of what they want than what you do. I know i'm being really harsh here, his parents are lovely and to them adding this one person saves a whole host of questions and awkwardness, but it just feels like it was always assumed we would have the traditional conveyor belt wedding and they cant comprehend why we would want to deviate from that.  

    We picked our battle and its fine, but i'm still going to sit with my sour grapes for the morning i think. 
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 276 New bride
    I think that's completely reasonable for you to be upset with them. I think parents should only get a say on who gets an invite if they're the ones actually paying for the wedding. They're expecting you to pay about £70 (I'm guessing) for dinner and drinks for someone that you've met in passing once! 
  • Thank you, its validating to know i'm not being unfair. They did offer to pay, but we decided we wouldn't take them up on it as we wanted to make the point that it wasn't due to cost, it was the other factors at play. That and Ms parents have offered to pay for Ms sisters bridesmaids dress, which is basically the same cost anyway. 

    Thank you @MrsW2020 ! I should pop a picture up on here actually. They were a real labour of love, and i wouldn't really ever recommend cutting and making your own pocketfolds, but so far people have seemed impressed! 

    Got an update on my wedding band yesterday, its still going to be an other 2 weeks, but then i should be able to pick it up with my resized engagement ring. I feel so naked without my engagement ring, but i think it'll feel special to be able to pick them both up together. 
  • My Finished Invitations

  • They look amazing. I love the bright colours!!
  • They're lovely, so pretty!
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 276 New bride
    They look fab! Worth all the effort! :smile:
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