What Am I Doing?! - April 2020

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  • I've seen cakes surrounded by big marshmallows, fruit, etc. and they look great! Also cupcakes is an option.

    I'm an over thinker too. 21 months 'til we get married but I've already thought about EVERY detail, how it's all going to work, etc. etc.!
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 102 New bride
    As you said I don't think it matters which is labelled as which! Although if Italy is cheaper then, why not go for it straight away as a honeymoon? And then go to Disneyland later in the year as a little treat.
    Oh mums can be a special breed can't they? Hang in there!!
    Can't wait to see a pic of the garland! So glad you found one
  • Marshmallows sounds lovely!!

    Thank you! I had a look today and the prices for the hotel we were going to use at Disneyland have gone from £95 per night to £130!! So that's made our decision for us! 

    Had a bit of luck with Facebook marketplace this evening, I got two peg letter boards, 10 led tealights, 9 small blackboards with easels and 10 mini easels for £13!! 

    Very chuffed with that! I'm hoping to use the little blackboards on the dessert table so people know what's what. 

    Also finally got a picture of the garland! Its the next thing on the list so hopefully in a few weeks I'll be able to show it properly.

  • I had a few days off work to be with M during half term and we managed to get quite a lot done! 

    His ring arrived and he loves it so that's a huge relief! He wouldn't let me take a picture though, he's a bit precious about people seeing it! 

    We're also basically done with all the invites FINALLY and just need to pop them in their envelopes. I had a meltdown after I had stuck all the bits in, and the first two types of glue did nothing at all and then the third warped the card a bit but honestly at this stage I just can't be doing anything again! 
    You can see they have taken over the dining table!! 


    We also FINALLY booked our honeymoon!! We were starting to feel a bit despondent, as we had thought a £3,000 budget and 10 days would be "enough" but all the travel agents we spoke to it was all so underwhelming! No one was able to find us anything that felt a bit special that was within budget, so off I went hunting! 

    We had so many back and forths on the place and the type of holiday and we then saw a stunning hotel way under budget in Lanzarote! 

    We have 7 nights all inclusive at a 4* adult only hotel in the fanciest room they had, all under budget! It's two days after the wedding too which I think will be lovely to just get that peace and quiet! 



  • That sounds like a productive few days! Must be a relief to get the invites done, 1 big task out of the way!

    I think we'll be going on our honeymoon a 2-3 days after the wedding too. I think it's good to have a couple of days to relax and to see people who've travelled to attend the wedding. Also you don't want to have to worry about being all packed and ready to go the day after the wedding, it's definitely better to have a bit of time to finalise packing, etc.!

  • MrsW2020MrsW2020 Posts: 222 New bride
    Congrats on getting the invites done! I bet you’re so relieved they’re finished!

    That hotel looks absolutely stunning! Great choice 😍
  • Thanks! It definitely feels good, but i think because i ended up leaving the invites that bit later than i had hoped we are going to have to post most of them, which isn't a huge issue but will probably be more than a normal stamp, as when we designed them  it was with the thought that most would be hand delivered! Funny how these little costs add up. 

    M has his first suit shopping session tomorrow and its killing me that i have NO idea what hes going for, other than gray. I know he will look gorgeous no matter what but the control freak in me is definitely struggling. I'm looking forward to having a day to myself though i must admit, i don't often get free reign of the TV!

    My bridesmaids are still no further ahead, one of them found a dress she likes but isn't coming back to me on actually ordering it. I asked again for her size a few days ago as ASOS had a 20% off code and she read it and didn't reply, so that's great.... and another of my bridesmaids has told me shes TTC again so we will sort hers nearer the time, no problem there. Third bridesmaid has still given zero ideas or updates. At a point where i may just pick something out for them again because the constant chasing is such a pain.

    The idea that next week marks 5 months to go is really filling me with dread. Its all the little details and diy bits now and i really wish we had got started on everything a bit sooner. For so long i felt stupid for wanting to do wedding bits or to go shopping to look for things we could use, and now i wish i had just allowed myself to enjoy it a bit more and space it out, to save this feeling of dread. 

    November is a partially free weekend month, but only because i cancelled a trip to see my mum at the Christmas markets because otherwise every weekend would have been hectic. December is shaping up to have every weekend in another part of the country seeing one person or another, January we have two weekends of events, and then it feels like its crunch time! Out of the 22 weekends we have until the wedding, 7 are taken up with events of some form. I think i need to sit and work on an action plan, so i can space out what to do and when so it feels a bit less haphazard, but i cant even muster the brainpower to do that at the moment!
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 104 New bride
    Congrats on booking your honeymoon! I've never been to Lanzerote but the hotel looks gorgeous and it'll be so lovely to relax after all your hard work. Have to say, I think I would have lost my mind with your bridesmaids by now - I think you're totally within your rights to just take control and choose something for them, as they are not making things easy for you in the slightest.
    Totally sympathize re the suit - I would freak out if I didn't know what J was wearing. I bet M will look amazing though, and grey is a great colour.
  • M found his suit! 😍 He looks GORGEOUS! After all those months of him saying I wouldn't see it, he wanted me to have a look to reaffirm his thoughts, but he didn't try on a tie or anything so it wasn't the full look. Feel very mushy and excited now!! 

    We started handing out some invitations and within 4 hours had backlash, which after a lot of consideration today we have relented on. Yeah it sucks but it ultimately came down to one person so we figured we had to pick our battles. 

    It's all veryyyyy slowly getting somewhere! 
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 102 New bride
    Oh how exciting! So glad he’s happy with it and that you love it.
    Oh no what happened with the invitations? Hope all okay!!
  • I'm still thinking about this weekend and some of the backlash we got, and i know that decisions have been made and there's nothing we can do, but i'm going to have a little rant anyway. 

    On Saturday M went suit shopping with his dad and brother, and apparently whilst out his dad brought up that they (both his parents) didn't think it was "right" that someone wasn't invited, lets call them B. B is the long term boyfriend of one of Ms cousins, and in the 4 years B has been with Ms cousin, M hadn't ever met him. B had never come to any of the big family events at all. 

    We had a solid rule, that if we hadn't both met them then they weren't invited (bar older relatives with restricted access to going out) and seeing as not even one of us had met him it was an easy no. Issue i suppose was, that B was the only partner of a cousin not invited. Out of the 3 cousins, one got married in August and we had met the partner before their wedding, another we met the partner at Christmas and then theres B, who we then DID meet in august, but after we had already made our guestlist. 

    When we met him it was literally in passing, as they walked past us and the cousin went "B this is K & M" and they carried on walking. We didn't see them again at all for the rest of the wedding so never actually spoke to either of them. As a side note that shouldn't be important but it feels like it is to me - B partakes in a traditional British past time that i DO NOT agree with at all, and it actually makes me so angry that someone who agrees in and takes part in these things will be there. 

    Ms parents stayed for dinner on Saturday night and we had a lovely evening, and them on Sunday we get this long winded message about how "concessions must be made when planning a wedding" and that flipped the switch. Cue us going out for a 45 minute walk because we were both so livid that 1- they couldn't have this conversation with us like adults face to face and 2 - that they think we haven't made concessions so far. 

    We did relent and B is now coming, along with Ms sisters boyfriend (which we never had an issue with, but they weren't dating when we drafted the guest list and we thought he might prefer to come to the evening so he isn't hanging about on his own during the ceremony and photos. Plus they're at Uni ,who knows how serious it is...) but we drafted a very long winded response basically stating that actually, the issue is because to us this isn't making a concession by adding one more person, its adding the 41st person that ACTUALLY we hadn't originally planned to be there. M explained to his parents that i didn't even want a wedding, so to me having the amount of people we are is a huge sacrifice, and they need to appreciate the fact that we could have very easily stuck to our guns and not even invited any of the cousins full stop! 

    It just feels so frustrating, and i know it stems from that side of the family being very traditional and prim and proper, but it just highlights why i really really didn't want to go down this route to begin with. I'm still glad were doing it the way we are, and i know had we eloped there would be a whole host of other dramas and uncomfortable conversations, but its the way that month on month people think thy have the right to make your wedding more of what they want than what you do. I know i'm being really harsh here, his parents are lovely and to them adding this one person saves a whole host of questions and awkwardness, but it just feels like it was always assumed we would have the traditional conveyor belt wedding and they cant comprehend why we would want to deviate from that.  

    We picked our battle and its fine, but i'm still going to sit with my sour grapes for the morning i think. 
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 158 New bride
    I think that's completely reasonable for you to be upset with them. I think parents should only get a say on who gets an invite if they're the ones actually paying for the wedding. They're expecting you to pay about £70 (I'm guessing) for dinner and drinks for someone that you've met in passing once! 
  • MrsW2020MrsW2020 Posts: 222 New bride
    That’s so frustrating. Have they offered to pay for him seeing as it was effectively their decision to invite him? 

    Also, I think I saw your invites on a Facebook group over the weekend! They looked stunning, you should be so proud of the hard work you put into them! 
  • Thank you, its validating to know i'm not being unfair. They did offer to pay, but we decided we wouldn't take them up on it as we wanted to make the point that it wasn't due to cost, it was the other factors at play. That and Ms parents have offered to pay for Ms sisters bridesmaids dress, which is basically the same cost anyway. 

    Thank you @MrsW2020 ! I should pop a picture up on here actually. They were a real labour of love, and i wouldn't really ever recommend cutting and making your own pocketfolds, but so far people have seemed impressed! 

    Got an update on my wedding band yesterday, its still going to be an other 2 weeks, but then i should be able to pick it up with my resized engagement ring. I feel so naked without my engagement ring, but i think it'll feel special to be able to pick them both up together. 
  • My Finished Invitations





  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 102 New bride
    They look amazing. I love the bright colours!!
  • They're lovely, so pretty!
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 158 New bride
    They look fab! Worth all the effort! :smile:
  • Thanks everyone! I'm so pleased they're done, and they should all be either in the post or hand delivered by Sunday! We've already given out the close ones for people we have seen but it'll be nice to have the RSVPs trickling in. 

    Next few things on my mind is the ceremony backdrop, groomsmen attire, and my "look". I cant decide on jewellery or hairstyles at all and i know i have ages, but it would be nice to start to try to envision it all together. 

    I've been trying to up my skincare lately to help with my large pores, uneven tone and hormonal acne, but while its working in some areas it just doesn't seem to do much in others and i'm feeling a bit self conscious about it all now. I used to have quite oily skin and my new routine has got that under control everywhere except my nose, and when i put foundation on i can see the brush marks and it doesn't sink it, it just sits on the surface pooling. I know i have a good make up artist, but i was hoping all my efforts might have reduced it a bit! I have quite red blotchy skin so the last thing i want is to look like Rudolph on the day! 

    I'm having the monthly panic now we hit the 5 month mark, and seem to flit between "were fine there's loads of time" to "5 months is nothing and i don't even know what i have to do". 
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 104 New bride
    Firstly, your invitations are STUNNING! I also like the fact that you are sending them five months out - I keep hearing/reading that invites don't need to go out until two or three months before the wedding, but I feel super uncomfortable about leaving it this late as I just know that most people won't bother getting on with booking travel/accommodation/time off work until the invite comes through...
    Also, I totally feel you with the skincare - I also get hormonal acne that flares up once a month no matter what I do, and then never really goes away and leaves marks that stick around for months and months. I keep saying that I'll work at sorting it out before the wedding, but my skincare regime is already pretty extensive so I'm not sure what else to do. If you do find anything else that works I will be so excited to hear about it!
  • @MrsH2020 i have been using Niacinamide from The Ordinary for about two weeks now and i think i'm lucky enough to have got away without much of a "purge" and *fingers crossed* so far i haven't had anywhere near the amount of painful cystic type spots. I just use it once a day, along with some other products from The Ordinary and once every few days i use a Glycolic Acid tonic, and so far so good, other than my super oily nose haha. I've also heard really good things about salicylic acid and Mario Badescu Drying Lotion, although the latter is a bit more expensive people seem to swear by it and its next on my list if Niacinimide doesn't work out long term. 
  • @MrsH2020 i have been using Niacinamide from The Ordinary for about two weeks now and i think i'm lucky enough to have got away without much of a "purge" and *fingers crossed* so far i haven't had anywhere near the amount of painful cystic type spots. I just use it once a day, along with some other products from The Ordinary and once every few days i use a Glycolic Acid tonic, and so far so good, other than my super oily nose haha. I've also heard really good things about salicylic acid and Mario Badescu Drying Lotion, although the latter is a bit more expensive people seem to swear by it and its next on my list if Niacinimide doesn't work out long term. 
    Mario Badescu Drying Lotion is everything.
    Honestly, I break out a lot and it dries spots so quickly and without leaving any blemishes. 
    Just don't shake the bottle!
    If you look out on Beauty Bay over the festive period they do a lot of the  Mario Badescu gift sets for really good prices and its all so lush and gentle. 
  • @BohoDreaming Amazing thank you so much for the tip!!
  • I knew it was all going too well!!

    My hair and make up artist has just cancelled. Shes due 10 days after my date and i'm so anxious about these things i just said id rather find someone else if shes ok with that. Id be worrying in the week leading up to, and she said they have already had some complications so the last thing she needs is more stress 10 days before! 

    I found finding someone i liked really hard, but thankfully have all the previous quotes and people i had shortlisted so i guess its back to the drawing board, this may be my first experience of vendors already being booked! 
  • Oh no! I had my makeup artist cancel on me a couple of months ago because she had decided to no longer do wedding make-up (which makes me slightly annoyed as to why she accepted the booking in the first place...) Some of the makeup artists on my shortlist were already booked up, but they were able to give me recommendations of others and I found a makeup artist that I really like the look of, perhaps more so than the first one, so sending you lots of luck that you find a replacement who you like! 🍀
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 104 New bride
    @MrsH2020 i have been using Niacinamide from The Ordinary for about two weeks now and i think i'm lucky enough to have got away without much of a "purge" and *fingers crossed* so far i haven't had anywhere near the amount of painful cystic type spots. I just use it once a day, along with some other products from The Ordinary and once every few days i use a Glycolic Acid tonic, and so far so good, other than my super oily nose haha. I've also heard really good things about salicylic acid and Mario Badescu Drying Lotion, although the latter is a bit more expensive people seem to swear by it and its next on my list if Niacinimide doesn't work out long term. 
    Mario Badescu Drying Lotion is everything.
    Honestly, I break out a lot and it dries spots so quickly and without leaving any blemishes. 
    Just don't shake the bottle!
    If you look out on Beauty Bay over the festive period they do a lot of the  Mario Badescu gift sets for really good prices and its all so lush and gentle. 
    Thanks so much for the recommendations ladies!
    So sorry about your MUA @[email protected] - that's really frustrating, but definitely better to have one that you don't have any concerns about in the run-up. Good luck with finding another!
  • GinAndBlingGinAndBling Posts: 1,311 New bride
    edited 8 November
    Just catching up on your thread. What a pain about the MUA. I think I've just commented on your FB post in the bridechilla group! x 
    Our planning thread: We're completely winging it.
    Our report: A fun, classic May day in navy and blush
    My weightloss thread: Diet denial! 
  • Just catching up on everything, LOVE the invites 😍 they look fab! 

    I swear by the ordinary, I have tried so many expensive brands and nothing worked until I tried the ordinary. The salicylic acid is amazing but I can't seem to get it anywhere ATM so use the niacinamide twice a day - stay with it, it takes a few weeks 👍 their masks are also really good, the salicylic and the AHA one - Def worth a try! 

    Hope you can get the hair and make up sorted soon 🤞🤞
  • I've gone a bit stir crazy this weekend looking at hair and make up artists, and i remember why i hated it so much the first time round! So many are just caked on super glam looks, and the artists that aren't are just so expensive. I know i'm going to have to bite the bullet and pay more, but i'm starting to feel a bit conflicted about what i pay for for other people. I had budgeted previously for my trial, my hair and make up, hair and make up for both my mum and my sister but with no trial, and then hair for my other 3 bridesmaids. 

    Looking at the other people i can find now, that comes in at close to £700 on average, and when i said to my mum how much more expensive it was, her response was "were worth it" like i can just crap out the money no issue. I feel really bad, because she has actually given us some money towards it all, so she basically said "i thought id alleviated the money worries" (it wasn't a huge amount, but it was generous) but she didn't seem to understand that the money she gave us isn't like "free" money we can spend on whatever, its needed to help with other things that have come up that we have less control over. She is mostly insinuating that they want trials and should have to pay for any of it because of the money shes given us, but she just doesn't get that all it means is that its taking away from somewhere else, and it doesn't make it any easier because its still an extra £250 odd to find from somewhere for the total pot. 

    I know i can be an over-thinking hard ass and a bit blunt in how i see things, but i'm getting frustrated that i'm paying for their hair and make up at roughly £180 each inc trials, i'm buying my sisters dress, shoes, and accessories, i'm inviting people my mum so desperately wanted there, and actually, i don't feel like i've had much actual support from anyone other than M and my aunt. 

    We had Ms mum kicking off a bit about the room, and why does it have to be the specific room we asked (we tried to arrange it so people we knew were nearer to us) although i know shes had a hard week, but it just feels so annoying. They aren't even the ones staying in the room they've booked so why does it matter? 

    The only person who sent a nice message after getting their invite was my aunt, and we had even hand delivered one to one of my bridesmaids and not a single peep, not even  a cursory "its so exciting your invitations are out". I KNOW no one cares about our wedding as much as we do, but right now i hardly really care anymore, and no one else seems to care whatsoever, other than however it works for their own agenda. 

    I'm sure i'll get out of my funk soon. I'm handing in my notice at work today so i think its just everything feeling overwhelming and a bit lonely. 
  • @CoffeeDogAddict Have you considered a make up master class thing at MAC or somewhere with your bridesmaids where you do a look, buy the make up for that look and they show you step by step how?
    That's what we did for my friends wedding and had a lovely day out together, she brought us some make up (which came in at like 250 for 3 of us) and learned a new skill to do our own make up that day?

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