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What Am I Doing?! - April 2020/2021 (A Tale Of Two Weddings)



  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 223 New bride
    Those are all such lovely ideas! Table names are such a good way of making things personal too - and I don't think it matters if it's a theme lots of people go for as you will always make it relevent to you. For example, could you do cities/countries/areas that you guys have visited? Maybe you could print a photo of the two of you in each place to pop on the table with the date you were there written on it? You guys got engaged in Amsterdam right? Maybe that could be your head table, if you're having one.
  • Thats a really cute idea @MrsH2020!! We were going to have Gin bottles with the numbers painted on them, but i could have instax style photos printed and stick those on, makes it a quicker job and saves me having to worry about getting the label off perfectly! You're a star <3
  • Mini Update

    I have booked a trial with my hairdresser for Jan 18th which seems really early, but i'm not going to complain. I think the more free time i give myself closer to the wedding the better. I've also got a date in for a trial with my make up artist for March 7th, which is my Hen Do! I had originally wanted them both on the same day, and i wanted to organise a trial for that day too so i could see it all together  but its fine, it doesn't matter enough to try and make it all work. 

    @MrsH2020 for the fab idea! The fabric for the backdrop should be here this week so in our Christmas break we are going to get that all finished. M proudly reminded me that when we got out house on 20th Dec 2 years ago we managed to paint 4 rooms and move in in 6 days so hes of the firm belief we can get most things ticked off in this time!

    I also dropped my dress off to be cleaned and i'm crossing everything the woman doesn't ruin it! In hindsight i shouldn't have left it with her, but i got it out the bag and she went "is it meant to be that weird off colour? It looks smokey" i tried to explain that's its colour, and she went on about "having stuff to get rid of it" so i'm hoping she actually listened to my insistence.
    About an hour after i dropped it off i got a call with "there's a huge tear in it, i mean huge, its massive, in all the layers" which has set off alarm bells because when i took it to the seamstress before we gathered up every individual panel of the tulle and didn't see anything, and nothing was noticed when i tried it on in October either, and its just been in its bag since then. I'm hoping shes either mistaken the gap for the zip as a rip, but i'm waiting to see at the weekend when i can go and collect it.

    It's funny, the thought of her ruining my dress immediately made me feel defensive and annoyed, not at the cost or anything, but at the fact i wouldn't be able to get my exact dress anywhere else as the bodice was a sample custom, so at least that shows the dress doubts have gone!! :D

    Next on the list is the groomsmen bits, and i've started trying to book in things for the new year like the alterations for the bridesmaids dresses that need them, and my hair cut and colour!

    I also found out yesterday that my Dad and step mum are coming over in January and will be here til the end of May! Feels so so strange to think about, but i'm pleased they wont be leaving while were on honeymoon. I had thought they would only be here for a few weeks but id be so busy i wouldn't get to see them much. I haven't seen my step mum, or spoken to her, in around 25 years i think. My dad came back for two weeks in early 2018, and then once earlier for a few weeks in around 2011 but they're the only times i've seen him in 15 years.. I'm nervous with how itll be but only because there's this assumed familiarity with him being my dad, but i actually don't know him. i have no idea what he likes, dislikes, whats normal for him, how he will be, but i suppose i can only take it a step at a time. 

    Its got me a little worried about any drama at the wedding, but luckily my bridesmaids have already said they'll keep an eye on people and handle as necessary. 

    Feels like all the little logistical bits coming onto the forefront now which is odd, it always felt so far away. I think its these little things of how it all ticks over are going to feel more important to me than the little bits of decor. My main focus is how to have a lovely morning getting ready, whilst keeping my mum at bay! I'm hoping i can work it so i turn up at 9 and start getting bits sorted, bridesmaids can be getting their hair done then, then maybe my mum turns up 11ish or so, later if possible, and has her hair and makeup done last. he less time that woman has to predrink and panic the better! 
  • GallaGalla Posts: 112 New bride
    Hello! I’ve just read through your full story. Took me a few days but I got their in the end! 

    We’ve been engaged 5 years already, but only now in a position to start organising so it’s been helpful to read your arrangements from the start.

    Dying to see this dress though! 
  • Aw thank you @Galla that's impressive!! Sorry for all the waffle haha. Hope your planning is going well! 

    I did a little DIY today but sods law the iron started to steam as I moved it away and it's scorched the edge of the bag. It doesn't look too bad in photos but it's quite obvious in person as it's pretty brown, any tips on what to do to cover it up? I'm not a fan of diamontes. 

    I've also had a chance to go through bits and get my head around what we've got left and it isn't quite as daunting as I thought so that's positive.

    I'm still really struggling with a song to go down the aisle to. I don't want anything typical but I just can't really find anything from artists I usually like. 

  • ClareBClareB Posts: 88 New bride
    Bag looks great - it's impossible to see the scorch mark in the picture. Is it on the seam? If so, you could try painting / colouring with a marker just along the edge? Otherwise can you use a ribbon or some kind of trim to cover it?

    What kind of music do you like?
  • I think it looks fine! But understand it may be more visible in person. Unfortunately don't know what to suggest to cover it, a ribbon as Clare suggested could be good!
    We have picked 'I Get to Love You' by Ruelle - the words are perfect! Not sure if that's your style though?
  • A couple of songs we found were:
    To build a home - The Cinematic Orchestra
    I get to love you - Ruelle
    Better - SYML
    Marry me - Train
    Turning page - Sleeping at last
  • Thanks for all the suggestions!  I love I Get To Love You by Ruelle but Ms cousin's wife had it in August and they make up 60+% of our guest list so I feel like it would be awkward 🙈 I'll check out the others though!! 
  • I'm so sad. Picked up my dress and the damage they're on about - I don't recall ever seeing. It seems pretty obvious and it's the front left side of the dress, starting about 5" from the waistband, so it's pretty prominent. 

    In sure the seamstress can fix it, but I still feel gutted. Also feel like I'm going mad because the shop says it was like that, but they didn't notice it on its sign inspection....and isn't that the point of them? I don't know, I'm not trying to blame them or anything but I can't see it in the photos from October at Wed2B. 

  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 361 New bride
    edited December 2019
    Oh god that's so annoying!! You definitely can't see any damage in the photos from October. Were they defensive about it at all/could it have been them?
    Also if they didn't spot it in the sign inspection, they're liable for it. 100%!!
  • @AmyFSToBe they didn't really make a big deal of it at all and it was only when I got it home and looked back at the pictures from before I realised it definitely wasn't there before.

    I'm going to go back later today (with my mum because she's a Pitbull with things like this) and see what they say.  They definitely aren't accepting responsibility so far though. I know I should have made more of a fuss when they first mentioned it but they seemed so sure so I had to check, bit I know I'm right now. 

    Fingers crossed this doesn't get too messy 
  • @AmyFSToBe they didn't really make a big deal of it at all and it was only when I got it home and looked back at the pictures from before I realised it definitely wasn't there before.

    I'm going to go back later today (with my mum because she's a Pitbull with things like this) and see what they say.  They definitely aren't accepting responsibility so far though. I know I should have made more of a fuss when they first mentioned it but they seemed so sure so I had to check, bit I know I'm right now. 

    Fingers crossed this doesn't get too messy 
  • GallaGalla Posts: 112 New bride
    Yay I see you in your dress 😍 it’s absolutely stunning. 

    I can’t see any damage in the wed2b pic either, I’d be a bit suspicious of that. In your bottom pic it’s quite noticeable, surely you would have seen that. 

    I think your seamstress should be able to fix it but suppose it will take the shine off a bit until it is done 😔
  • So i'm back from speaking with the cleaner and she couldn't give less of a shit. She is adamant it was always like that, despite the fact she acknowledges neither her or i saw it when we did the initial inspection. She said when i was there she just did a "glance" over to look at the main areas including the bodice, which the rip is like 5" from but she apparently still didn't see it.

    When my mum said we think it wasn't seen because it wasn't there, she got SO defensive and started going "i'm the boss here, i wouldn't sabotage someones dress" and when we tried to explain we weren't saying that, she just got so arsey blaming me saying it was my fault.

    I didn't expect any different from her to be honest, she comes across rude and like he has an attitude problem, i just wish id never left it there.

    Now i'm not too sure, do i leave a review? Not one necessarily slating her or blaming her, but that just explains that as she doesn't actually fully inspect the item until the client has gone, it creates this grey area, and to advise people to take photos and videos of the item before they take it in?

    At the end of the day, if the dress had been properly inspected when it was booked in (and the forms were signed) then we wouldn't be in this situation, i would at least know for sure whether it was previous damage, or if it was from its time there.

    I'm now waiting to hear back from my seamstress to see what she thinks from photos at least. My fear is its so close to the bodice and its so huge, its about my arm span across, i could climb through the gap!! I have no doubt shes amazing, but its not going to be easy (or potentially affordable) to stitch it back together in a way that isn't glaringly obvious.
  • You know, what makes me so sad about this is not a single bridesmaid has responded to me about it. I'm upset and panicking and not a single one replied to my messages. 

    My own sister and maid of honour read the messages and didn't reply. She recently had a pet health scare and I was messaging her and doing whatever I could to help and comfort her.... and I just don't get it back. But it's fine, because she's on twitter listing her favourite movies of the decade...
  • That's really bad of them, such a poor attitude. I don't think it would hurt to leave a review just to give other brides the heads up to inspect it properly and take photos etc!
    Keeping my fingers crossed your seamstress comes back with good news - about the repair and the price!
    That's really frustrating about your bridesmaids/sister..
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 223 New bride
    So sorry about this! I can't see it at all on the pics above, but it sounds as though it is pretty noticeable in real life. I can't believe the cleaner was so arsey with you - the way I see it, either a) it was there all along and she missed it when doing her inspection, which preusmably is the point of doing an inspection or b) it wasn't there when she inspected it, meaning the damage has been caused by them. Either way, they're in the wrong and I am angry on your behalf. However, seamstresses can do amazing things, and actually I think sometimes larger, clean rips are easier to fix well than small, fiddly ones. And the dress is A-mazing! Also LOVE that jacket over the top - so so classy and elegant.
  • GallaGalla Posts: 112 New bride
    I think her defensiveness says it all tbh. You weren’t accusing her of deliberately sabotaging it, it was probably an accident but she should have owned up. I don’t think there’s a way she could have done it and not noticed! I’d leave a review, just offering an improvement suggestion that they do what you said above, check it over in the customers presence, both sign a form stating the condition, and check it again on leaving. 

    Fingers crossed your seamstress can work her magic and it’s not too painful on your budget. They can do amazing things these days, very talented people! 
  • GallaGalla Posts: 112 New bride
    On the bridesmaid/maid of honour side. Reading your thread, I know your sister has her health issues, is she really up to being maid of honour? If she has so much of her own stuff going on? I know you’ve asked her now, but is there one of the other bridesmaids who you can rely on for more of any responsibilities? 

    My sister will be my moh too, but I know she’s a bit flaky so I’ll be asking one of my bridesmaids who I know is good at this shit to push her in the right direction with things. 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,475 New bride
    Thanks everyone! Ive fired off a pretty comprehensive email explaining my case and we will see. I still don't expect it to go anywhere but i feel better getting my point across at least, even just so she realizes that her booking in process is currently flawed.

    Still waiting to hear back from the seamstress but i have a lot of faith in her, shes pretty masterful! I still just feel a bit sad that the nicest thing i own has been damaged, and that i cant really sell it on now, but i don't know that i was going to anyway, i just felt wasteful keeping it.

    Anyway, all by the by and all i can do now is wait and see what all comes back to me. I really appreciate all your kind words and support, it does settle my mind and bring me back down to earth :) 
    Galla you're right there, i know she has a lot going on, i think its more that i feel generally like i'm just getting a bit tired of things being one sided, not even just wedding related things but just the fact i'm always there for her at the drop of a hat and i never get support in return. I just need to learn from it and set boundaries so i'm not giving more than i can comfortable without damaging my own sanity, that's on me and no one else is to blame for that really. Cant blame other people for not behaving how you want them to when they never have (although ill probably still try)

    We have managed very little wedding related things in our time off all in all. i started some DIY but lost the will to live, M spent the two weeks on his new laptop. We still have February halfterm when M is off so honestly most of it will end up being left for then (just because im being harsh and if he didn't want to do it he shouldn't have said he would and then just procrastinate! He willllllll do it by April!!)

    I have had some more hilarity with recent editions of "its your wedding but...." which is my new little mental library of stupid shit people do and say about our wedding:

    - My mum saying her sister (who im not really close to) needs to be with us in the morning getting ready in the suite, because she cant possibly do her make up on her own so my mum needs to do it. This aunt is also bringing 3 other guests, maybe 4, so they'll all need to be accounted for FROM 9AM somewhere and looked after (all older or disabled) until the festivities being at 1pm...... in a room that will already have bride, 4 bridesmaids, mum, super aunt, two hairdressers and a make up artist. A room that has 6 seats at any one time. She couldn't comprehend when i recommend her sister visits the Debenhams 5 minutes from her house in the morning instead...

    - Also my mum asking EVERY TIME I SAW HER over Christmas how to RSVP. Because she lost the invite, and hadn't ever read it. She keeps asking for the link, i tell her it isn't a link, its an email to us, she doesn't have the address because she lost it, so i told her to just email my normal email, fine. Nope, still cant do it, How do you do it again? Can you send me the link? Can you get me another invite? NO MUM I CANT IT TOOK ME 3 MONTHS TO MAKE BUT THANKS FOR LOOKING AFTER IT SO WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    And to top it off, also my mum againnnnn, saying i just need to uninvite/remove/not cater for her aunt (my great aunt) because shes convinced she will not be with us by then... talk about being morbid.

    She also then battled me on
    Mum: its 4 months away, its in April
    Me: April is the 4th month but that doesn't mean we have 4 months, we have all of January, all of Feb, all of march and then 5 days in April
    Mum: That doesn't seem right to me, you've got April too.

    I love her, but christ she just need to take 5 and have a think before she talks sometimes. Shes completely the type of woman to argue black is white once shes got herself convinced its true.
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,475 New bride
    Got a lovely eye roll from my nan last night when we said we were using gin bottles as centerpieces. Feel quite proud actually! My nan is actually such hard work so I completely couldn't give a shit 😂 my mum said it was because we were "boasting" about how many bottles we had (hardly boasting and we did highlight it was over two years) and my mum was sat there going "oh we've got loads of Jack Daniels ones I can get out the recycling if you want" 🙈 so don't know why I got the shifty side eye but who cares!

    Our rsvp deadline is Sunday and we still have about 50 outstanding! I really don't understand why it's so hard for people, it's not even like we have a long and complicated form they need to fill in they just need to drop us an email! 

    I had one aunt rsvp with her own reply card, and seeing as my mum got confused about not having one I think our attempt to make it easier to rsvp by email just backfired, and we would have had more if it was more traditional. 

    I just think no matter how you do it youll have people drag their feet.

    Off to the last wedding before ours on Saturday and I'm quite excited! 

    We had a really lovely chilled new year and it really did feel a bit special  to be able to say were getting married this year! 
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 223 New bride
    Oh my gosh I totally feel you on the number of months thing. We are 8 October and people keep saying, oh you've still got 10 months... NO we have nine months and 8 days. It's still a long time, so it doesn't really matter but it's started to bug me way more than it should. At the start of September, are people going to be saying "oh you have two months still"? Actually it's the same thing that gets me when people turn, say, 30, and talk about then being in their 30th year, Nope, you're in your 31st year actually! (christ, sorry for the completely random tangent!)
    We have got off quite lightly with family wedding chat over christmas. The only thing that is making me feel a tad awkward is that J's sister in law (who made our lovely save the dates, but who I had to be quite firm with on our differing styles) keeps offering to make us things that I just don't want, such as embossing Mr and Mrs on everything. I know a lot of people love this, and there is nothing wrong with it at all, but it is just not us - I don't know how to keep saying no thank you without offending her!
    Fingers crossed your seamstress can work magic on your dress!!!
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,475 New bride
    So my seamstress still hasn't replied (I know I'm being impatient) but I sent the photos and things to a few others locally to see what they say and so far it isn't as positive as I had assumed.... 

    Current suggestions are removing the whole panel or doing something to remove part of it, which I feel then compromises the style and flow of it. 

    If it can't be sewn together I can't help but feel like anything else is going to just make it look odd 😔
  • If they remove the whole panel will they replace it with the same fabric or just leave it missing? I actually think that it would look better than sewing it back together if they replace the panel.
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,475 New bride
    edited 3 January
    @cluelessbride01 i think they would need to replace it, otherwise it would just look so flat compared to the rest of it. In theory it shouldn't be too hard to match the tulle, and they can use the horsehair trim from the original part as that wasn't damaged. 

    I feel in a bit of a limbo, not really knowing whats going to work out next and there's part of me that wonders if i'm just better cutting my losses, and saving myself all the worry in the lead up to. I just know if i go down the repair route i'll be anxious the whole time until its finished and i can actually see if its worked. 

    Everything is feeling overwhelming and i just cant face all the hassle right now :( 

    So my seamstress just got back to me and said "oh dear they've made a right mess of it" but she has also suggested removing the layer, but not replacing it. 
    I'm really unsure about removing the layer, as they sit in vertical columns so that whole section would be uneven and unbalanced, where the dress initially (although it looks all over the place) is actually pretty symmetrical. 
    Why is nothing ever easy?
  • GallaGalla Posts: 112 New bride
    What about removing one from each side, so it is still symmetrical? Would that work?
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,475 New bride
    @Galla it might do,  i'll have to have a look with the seamstress next weekend. 

    Hopefully that will provide some clarity on my options. At this rate im starting to think its a sign...
  • ClareBClareB Posts: 88 New bride
    Try to put it out of your mind until you see the seamstress - she can show you what she has in mind and you'll understand your options much better I'm sure.

    Definitely don't see this as a sign - it's annoying and upsetting but it doesn't mean anything other than your cleaner made a mistake! 
  • I'm sorry this has happened to you! If I were you if I loved the dress I'd probably try to find a reasonably priced backup dress just in case and still get the repairs done, but obviously this will cost more!

    Didn't you say earlier in the thread though that you've had lots of dress wobbles? If you don't really love the dress could you just cut your losses and find a new one?

    I think this would really take the shine off and you won't be as excited to wear it. If you really love the dress and can't imagine getting married in anything else this won't matter so much, but my own opinion is that there are hundreds of nice dresses out there and you could find an alternative if you don't love it anyway.

    That's just me though, I never had that 'the one' moment, there were lots of dresses I liked. If you did have that moment it might be worth trying a repair.
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