What Am I Doing?! - April/December2020



  • MrsW2020MrsW2020 Posts: 259 New bride
    So exciting! Well done on your productive weekend! 

    Let us know how the venue meeting goes!
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,954 New bride
    God ive gone from being on here all day every to hardly ever!! My new job has me really busy and really quite tired when i get home, it's been a struggle to feel motivated to do any planning, not ideal now that I'm really feeling the pressure more. 

    I've still barely done anything for the meeting on monday but we have officially closed the curtain on any more RSVPs, and i have managed to fire off a lot of the emails i needed to for bits for monday.

    After my hair trial im trying to decide if i want to go for the ivory flower pins, some wildflower ones ive found on Etsy or just have my florist make something up like I had originally planned. 

    These are the wildflower ones 

    And I had the idea of something like this if I did real flowers but obviously with ones to match :) 

    I also managed to get to an alterations appointment with Ms sister and she looks so lovely in her dress I felt a bit emotional! She's been so wonderful, and she's been the one with the most on in her life too. 

    I got a minor update on my dress, in that it's going to need to be hand sewn as they think using a machine might risk a heavy stitch and pulling the rest. I'm fine with it, it just means £££££ more than I had put aside. Good thing we put in a buffer on the budget! No estimated date for my next fitting though which makes me anxious, all my weekends seem to be booked up and getting hectic now. 

    *Still* no movement on ties, although M has found ones he likes they're £25 each which feels like a lot when there's 6 of them 😬

    Also trying to work out what to do the night before and where to stay. Ms family have said he can stay there but it means being in a small single bed 😂 at 6ft4 it's a squeeze! I'm in the same boat though, I'd now end up in the small room with no heating so I guess we will have to figure it out. Seems sad for one of us to get the short straw, but I'm keen on being apart, purely because I know I'll spend the morning stressing and getting all his bits together otherwise and it won't be chill at all. 

    Also feels a bit lame that if I stay at our house I'll probably be on my own, and even if I got a hotel room (also pointless as it would be a 5 min walk from my mum's) I'd be in it alone. Things arent that great with my sister at the moment and the only other bridesmaid that is in a position to stay isn't keen because it's just taking up more of her time. Need to think it over a bit more I guess. 

    Also still haven't decided on a song for the aisle, I don't know why I'm making such a big deal about it 🙈 I just want something that means something but still fits in. 

    I'm sure I'll get there and it will all be worth it 🥂
    I love the idea of fresh flowers.

    I don't know if this will reassure you, but I stayed at my house alone the night before the wedding (well my 4 year old was there but he sleeps 7pm-7am) and it was actually nice to be able to have that hour on my own in the morning to chill a bit before everyone started arriving (well it would have been if I wasn't manically trying to find another MUA, but you see what I mean!).
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,954 New bride
    This is the tie for the groomsmen
    Pure Silk Floral Tie  Pocket Square Set

    and then the silver for M

    Pure Silk Floral Tie  Pocket Square Set

    I think the thing is we really like the pattern on it, its subtle enough but still noticeable, and its actially floral wheras we have struggled to find other ties that have a floral pattern in a similar way, most tend to be paisley which im just not 100% sold on.


    No idea if this is any good but it's £7.99 - they do it silver, and a few other colours. If the other colours are no good could M have the £25 one in blush pink and the other guys have this £7.99 silver one?
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,954 New bride
    Just seen that you ordered ties, ignore me!
  • Thanks @MrsCToBee I love that tie! I think I'll suggest it for my dad actually because he hasn't got a clue where to start 🙈 

    Venue meeting went well although there's still a few little bug bears, like whenever they contact us via email they only ever address it to me and never include M, and even though there isnt a wedding they day after ours they still want everything taken down at 12am, and theyll charge us for storage past 11am the following day. Silly things really but it just shows theyre very black and white and arent fussed about going the extra mile at all.

    We had our final invoice through today so im going to go over it with a fine tooth comb, although they only give you 48 hours to go back to them with any changes, and then even though its not actually due for another two weeks theyve said we will be charged £25 for any change made after the invoice is sent, seems a bit militant! Now i can see why they want to get people in for the final meeting early!

    Tomorrow is 2 months, and i really cant lie its just insane where the time has gone. Im really really feeling the pressure and i think im mostly in disbelief its so soon, as stupid as it sounds i just cant comprehend it, we no longer have the luxury of time for decision making and im really feeling it.

    Over the next few days im going to do a fairly comprehensive list so ill post it up, partly for reference for everyone else and partly so you can help me with what ive forgotten!

    Hoping i manage to get my brain together soon, i dont feel like i can hold a single thought at any one time now!
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 194 New bride
    edited 4 February
    48 hours to review and make changes?! That's crazy. Pop me a message if you have any questions about anything, I do this for work (I'm a corporate event planner) so I look through contracts/invoices every day haha. Happy to help!

    It is coming up soon but you do have time!! Definitely making a list will be a good place to start and I'm sure everyone on here can chip in if you've missed anything.
  • Thank you thats really kind of you! I dont think theres anything that will be too out of place, its more the numbers and that theyve put in the right numbers for vegeterians and dietary requirement meals. I really dont want to trip up so close to having everything with them sorted.

    Starting to get excited about the honeymoon too! Weve booked in a day to go shopping to pick up some bits which i really cant wait for. The only other time weve had a sunny holiday i was 12 weeks post shoulder surgery and so anxious abouit everything with barely any strnegth in one side, so although it was fun it was generally an anxious time. Im basically counting down until i can lie in the hot tub in our room drinking prosecco all day!! HEAVEN

  • It's a shame the way the venue are acting. They should be making you feel special and like they'll go out of their way to make your day the best it can be. Charging you to change the invoice!

    That's a good idea to make a big list if you're feeling the pressure. Maybe allocate certain tasks to specific weeks/deadlines?

    Yes - focus on the honeymoon and how relaxing it'll be, whenever you're feeling especially stressed! 
  • MrsW2020MrsW2020 Posts: 259 New bride
    The venue sounds super strict and cleaning the room by 12 seems a bit unnecessary when they don’t have an event the next day! You’ve been so organised though I’m sure this last two months will go well! Where are you going on honeymoon again?
  • ClareBClareB Posts: 77 New bride
    I have the same feeling of it suddenly being so soon - we're getting married a few weeks after you. For so long I felt like we had months to go and were super organised and now I'm not so sure and I feel like I've left things too late! I'm looking forward to your list and will add anything else I can think of!

    We're having the opposite issue with our venue - they haven't even finalised their menu for this year yet and we have our tasting in 2 weeks. I've also had to ask when we'd have our meeting to discuss everything! I want to get excited about the details but they seem a bit slow to get things sorted and things just feel a bit up in the air.
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,374 New bride
    edited 5 February
    Today can fuck off. 

    The ties arrive, week half of them. Speak to customer service and apparently they went out of stock and I didn't get a notification, your charged for all 6 though. I can't find them anywhere now, looked on eBay and googled loads but although places say they're in stock when you click the link they're not. 

    Also got an email informing us that during our stay on it honeymoon, all sea view rooms will be overlooking roadworks taking place on the prominade. We have no idea how extensive these works are and wether the hotel will just be loud and frustrating, but at the very least the extra ££ we spent on the sea view deluxe room was pointless. We are going through bare what our options are, because while I know we may be able to get some money back or move room it feels so fucking unfair that the one thing we both could really look forward to is now tainted too. It may end up being one of those bloody things where we go and it's just constant noise, and considering we picked a hotel we would want to spend the majority of the time in, it's hard to know if we take the risk or what we do.

    Literally all the things about this wedding that I've ever been excited about have been tainted. The lovely venue - buggered up pricing and cost us £2000 more. My dress - ripped by a knob that I'm going to have to take to court, and now the hotel. 

    We just can't have anything nice.

    (Sorry for all the swearing)
  • MrsW2020MrsW2020 Posts: 259 New bride
    Oh I’m so sorry this just seems so unfair when you’ve had some rubbish luck already. 

    Honestly in your position I think I would do my best to change the hotel if it all possible. Like you say you needed something to look forward to and if your going to spend the next two months worrying about the building works you won’t be able to do that, even if they’re not actually that bad when you get there. It’s just rubbish, I hope you can get something sorted x
  • GallaGalla Posts: 71 New bride
    What rotten luck! Swear away, you need it! 

    I agree with MrsW, I’d try get a different hotel away from the roadworks. 

    Fingers crossed for u
  • Oh what a totally sh***y day!

    I agree with the ladies above with looking for an alternative hotel- you don’t need to spend the next two months worrying about if the hotel will be a nightmare, and worst case scenario the roadworks being disruptive and putting a dampener on your honeymoon.

    Sending you lots of crossed fingers for those ties coming back into stock too!

    And don’t forget, be kind to yourself - wedding planning is stressful, and stuff always goes wrong, but at the end of the day you will be married to the man you love. xx
  • Thanks for the support everyone 💕💕 we managed to get the hotel sorted and have to say Jet2 were really good, we've been moved to a Junior Suite, and for £250ish back! 

    I'm going to reach out to my seamstress today, I know there's probably no major rush but she's had it 4 weeks now and I know she did nothing for the first two because when I was there for a bridesmaids fitting she said they had decided to hand Dee it, so that will be two weeks on Tuesday so I'm hoping she's done something since then. I have 8 weeks and figure I'll need two fittings at least, one to figure out the changes to be made and one to try it all on and check afterwards. 

    We've got our ceremony planning meeting a week on Monday and we still have no music picked, no readings, no readers asked, and no vows. Looks like we better get a move on! 

  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 194 New bride
    Glad you got that sorted!! Why don't you treat yourself to a nice meal or an evening out together with some of that money? Nice to have some relaxing time as a couple amidst all the wedding madness!
    Sounds like a good idea to reach out now, hopefully she'll get back to you soon
    Oh no haha! Good luck. Let us know what you settle on.

  • Were going to have a nice take out tomorrow and have decided to book our favourite (bit expensive) restaurant for the Thursday before the wedding for just us. M is a bit worried it will be hectic but I think the few hours of quiet private time willl be good for us, and I'd we don't book it in I know it just won't happen. 

    Dress fitting is going to be the same time as my MOH on the 22nd so at least I know now :) 

    We sat down yesterday and cracked out the ceremony stuff, well all apart from my aisle song which I'm still really struggling with, but I have a (not so short) shortlist so I'll whittle it down soon. We've picked Ain't no Mountain High Enough for out exit song, and I wasn't sure at first but Im warming to it, we do just want a fun atmosphere. Were also hoping for Ms mum to do the dinosaur reading and my aunt to do another but we're still picking out of two, I'll share a little later when I'm not doing it all off my phone haha. 

    My family is being really hard at the moment. My dad has been back for about a month and I've seen him twice, and I found out he's been hanging out with my sister a fair bit and just neither of them thought to see if I wanted to join at all 😔 then when he did invite me over it's on Valentine's Day... not like we make a huge deal of it but still, kind of a given we might have plans. 

    My sister FINALLLLLLLY answered about her hair and then I felt bad for asking because I think she's self conscious. I feel like I'm on egg shells around her so I'm just avoiding most things related to her at the moment. 

    And now my mum's getting really passionate about confetti. We don't care, weren't going to have it because it's expensive and its basically for a photo and we couldn't justify it, well she offered to pay so fine, but she's absolutely adamant we HAVE to have cones. I explained I don't want to, we already have a great tray and all the weddings we've been to you too it out into your hand anyway so whats the point and she said she didn't want anyone's "sweaty" hands to touch it 🙄 and then "what if there's a big gust of wind" like for Christ sake. I know it shouldn't matter but as someone who works in the environmental non profit sector I'm hugely aware of all the waste already and I reallllly dont see the issue I'm just having it in a tray and people grab a handful, worked fine at weddings we've been to! She basically then said she will sort out her and her mum & sisters to which I laughed, because what's the point in 4 people having confetti and no one else? Just unnecessary hard work and then she says I'm the one getting stressed out by it. Are all mum's this hard to get to understand what you do and don't want? 
  • ClareBClareB Posts: 77 New bride
    I can totally relate on both the mother and sister issues. I'm struggling to get my two bridesmaids together and my sister (a BM) is saying she'll just decide on a hair style on the morning of the wedding... I've not wanted to force anything on them but I'm tired of making suggestions for all sorts of things and getting minimal responses. I think maybe if you can sort things out in the background as much as possible then it avoids having to chase her for her input.

    My mum is a teacher, our wedding is a Saturday and she is still complaining it's not in school holidays, despite us setting the date over a year ago. She keeps telling me the church is plain (it's a lovely Victorian church), suggesting hymns I've never heard of, complaining about logistics - I think she thought she'd get to plan the wedding and she hasn't, so it just ends up feeling like she's putting a downer on almost everything I tell her because it's not what she imagined. I know you have a complicated relationship with your mum but she might be feeling a bit the same. I think the answer is to take a deep breath and change the conversation topic if you can - if there are things you really aren't bothered about, maybe ask her to help with those, otherwise share minimal details and thank her for any suggestions she makes (and then ignore them if you want to).
  • I think you need to pick your battles with your sister if you know she's hard work anyway. She has her dress, that's all that really matters. If she doesn't want to pick a hairstyle yet it doesn't really matter, she'll still get it done on the day!
  • @cluelessbride01 yeah i know, i have been trying to as much as i can its just my hairdresser wanted an idea of whether it would be an up do, plait, or just a blow dry as my sisters hair is quite long so she needs to factor in the time at least. I wasn't asking her for a specific style or anything, just a ballpark idea of what she may want. Just didn't think it would be so hard to get even such a small brief idea from her.

    We had a pretty successful meeting with the registrars yesterday, picked all the music, readings and details! Luckily the price hasn't gone up either which is handy, as it would have been in effect from the 1st April so we would have *just* got caught by it.

    We've gone for "A Lovely Love Story" and "Always Love Each Other" as our readings, and the music is:
    -Entrance: How Long Will I Love You - Ellie Goulding (i know its done a lot but M really likes it and i just over complicated it)
    - Signing the Register: Memories/Canon In D Mix, Better Half Of Me  (Tom Walker) and Better Together (Jack Johnson)
    - Exit - Ain't No Mountain High Enough

    They seemed pretty happy with out choices and that we weren't going to try and slip in any religious stuff haha.

    They have also said we can have more time to work on our own vows if we want to, as we had both just picked from the book but explained it was due to a time constraint, so they've told us we can just email them over a few weeks before and it will be ok, which is really comforting.

    In other minor wedding news M got his shoes, some lovely black ones from TK Maxx, i got a grey sparkly shrug from Monsoon sale as a bit of a cover up for the evening, and M also was a super sweetheart and bought me my earrings. I had been looking at some for ages on Swarovski but couldn't justify the price, and on a trip on Saturday we had a look and he got caught by a sales person who was doing a promo, there were lucky dip postcards with offers and he managed to pick a £10 off one!! Made it much more palatable price wise and it turned out they had one pair left, so it felt like fate!

    I have another fitting on Saturday and hopefully they have fixed the damage by then, so i'm really nervous to see how its come out. Once i get the bill for that too i can get started with all the small claims stuff, at the moment it just feels like its hanging over me. I know i need to prioritize, but its likely to have doubled my alterations expected cost now that its had to be done by hand.

    Last bit i can remember is i had some info on my Hen Do, which is going to be in London! Were doing cocktail making, a nice meal out, then Pong, the ping pong bar (which i love but im awful at) and then a place i cant remember the name, Piano Bar or something, where its a huge live band and everything is played on request, so you can pick whatever you like to dance along to, played live! Sounds really fun, but im struggling to find an outfit at all :# i just dont like anything and i dont have Go to shops really for nice outfits. Im sure ill figure it out soon enough though.

    M is off on his stag do saturday and sunday so ill have a weekend allll to myself :D
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 180 New bride
    Glad to hear you've been making lots of progress, and your song choices sound lovely! I've been battling with the fact that my aisle song choice is very common too, but at the end of the day, if you guys love it, that's all that actually matters. Plus even if it seems everyone on earth has the same song, that's because you're deep in wedding world - I bet most of your guests wouldn't consider it to be done a lot! I want Can't Help Falling in Love, which I had no idea was such a popular aisle song until I joined wedding groups - it's always just been my favourite romantic song! But I asked a few friends and not one of them had been to a wedding where it was used, so I'm sure it's the same for the Ellie Goulding song!
    Re your sister's hairstyle - if it were me I think I'd just decide for her at this stage, at least whether it's going to be up or down, so your hairdresser can plan for it. Hopefully she'll be happy to have a bit more input on the day, but I think it's totally fair enough for you to decide if she is having an updo or down, and just let her know so she can have a think about the details ready for the day.
    And how sweet of M to buy you your earrings :)
  • I've heard 1000 years from Twilight at about a million weddings but I haven't heard can't help falling in love or Ellie Goulding yet.  :)
  • Thanks everyone :D having a fab day today, saw my dress again and they've done such an incredible job fixing it!! There's still a little bit more to do but she's honestly just a superstar! It just looks like a seam, and when the dress is on you can't even see it!! 🥰 

    Im super excited it's back to how it was, but just hoping the rest of the alterations go alright!!

    It needs to be taken in at the sides, and the back was a little lose but she said she thinks when the sides come in that should fix it but we will have to see, and she's going to try and fix a little curl at the front of the bodice but fingers crossed were in the home stretch with it all!! 

    M is off on his stag do and I think he's having a good time so I'm really pleased for him! Its so lovely to see all his mates really pull together ☺️

    I've ordered some bits for my hen do and have £130 worth of bits in my basket waiting in case the first lot isnt right haha. 

    I'm struggling a little with cakes again, I saw someone posted a picture of one of the M&S cakes all cut and the icing was so thick I'm not sure it's going to be worth it, but I have seen Morrisons do them too, I just can't find any store in a 10mile radius that do the click and collect for it! 

    Other than that everything is ticking along as normal really, more family dramas but what's new! Trying to take a new focus and attitude to it all haha. 

    Heres a few pics of other things Ike the earrings and stuff :) 

    Our confetti 

    Final tie choices

  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 194 New bride
    Oh that's such good news! I think I saw you post about it in the Bridechilla group too, so glad they managed to repair it so beautifully!
    About the cakes, are you set on having a 'proper' wedding cake? We're going to order a whole bunch of stuff from M&S for a dessert/cake table and they have some lovely looking ones (passionfruit cake, cookies and cream cake, red velvet, and then the standard ones as well of course)
    You're sounding really positive so hopefully you can let any family drama just go straight over your head - sometimes it's just not worth fighting it!
    PS: love those earrings!!

  • Your dress looks amazing! I'm so glad they're doing a good job for you ☺️ I received some Swarovski earrings a couple of years ago when I was a bridesmaid and I wear them all the time, they're such good quality! I love the shape of yours. If you're not bothered about having a traditionally shaped cake, the Costco sheets cakes are delicious! Or you could check out the reviews of M&S, Waitrose etc. cakes.
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 232 New bride
    Your seamstress has done an excellent job! In that close up picture you wouldn't know it was a repair if you hadn't said. Has she been able to give you an estimate yet or do you need to wait until she's finished?

    You're sounding really positive and it looks like everything's coming along nicely. Great tie choices!! 
  • Your dress looks amazing. You honestly cannot see anything repair related. I'm so relieved for you!!
  • GallaGalla Posts: 71 New bride
    SO pleased your dress has turned out amazing, I know you were worried and I was so angry for you back then! 

    I second what someone said above about Swarovski earrings - I got a pair to be a bridesmaid last April and I’m still wearing them today - think I’ve only taken them off once or twice since! 
  • Thank you everyone!! I'm so so excited about it all again which just feels lovely. 

    Cake wise were not set on a "proper" cake as such, but I was hoping to find something iced so that I can put our figurines on safely. We may end up going back with the M&S ones to be honest and just having the one, it's just me being fussy and I prefer the look of something a bit more modern but im sure I'll make a decision soon 😬

    Our photographers visited the venue today for a look around as they haven't been there before, and we have a meeting with them on Tuesday so I need to start working on the shot list! We've also got out florist over at the weekend so go over things, I'm so excited about the flowers, I just hope it looks alright and comes out how I see it in my head.

    Paid the FINAL invoice for the catering yesterday - bloody scary! The bank account is looking a lot lighter but it's nice to be able to tick off such a biggie. 

    Just done bits like ordering the Instax film and some photobooth props, trying to get a necklace that matches my earrings on eBay because I AM NOT paying £180 haha. I'm not too worried if I don't get one because I don't think it needs it, but I might get something a bit fun for when I take the jacket off later in the day, that's a bit more statement style. 

    Also ordered some place cards, went for some hummingbirds that sit on the wine glasses and I'll try my hand at writing the names, only £3.98 on Amazon for 100! Were procrastinating hard at the moment with the table plan. It's always touchy I know but with my family it feels like I'll never be able to get it right. 

    Things are a bit contentious with all the family at the moment and I've decided I'm going to ask my stepdad to also walk me down the aisle. Very apprehensive because I know my dad will be a bit hurt, but I'm also hurt that he's been spending loads of time with my sister and never thought to see if I wanted to join them so....

    I'm super aware now that with every day that passes that I don't tick something off it just means even more to do the next day 🙈 im definitely going to need to pull a finger out.

  • Think I've found my hen do outfit!! And also my wedding nails 🥰

    Sorry it's not that clear I'm just no good at taking photos.

    On a hilarious note I ordered the vinyls for our gin bottles centerpieces and didn't notice I had completely miss spelled one of them 😂 so that's on order again! 
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