What Am I Doing?! - April 2020

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  • Win!

    So my mega cheap (£4) bridal belt off Amazon arrived yesterday! It's not the best by any means, but it'll give me an idea if i want to look into adding a bit of sparkle to it. I don't think its too bad for such a low price!

    image

     

    And our local comic book store had loads of comics where the covers had been ripped off during delivery so they weren't able to sell them & have given me a box to decoupage with!  I'm not entirely sure what we will do with them just yet, and its loadssss of copies of the same edition, but it means we can use loads of different images from it at least. There's even a few full page spreads of Cat Woman & Batman, even one of him proposing!  What are the odds haha. 

    Feels nice to finally have something that's a bit of a wedding project 

    image

  • SO MUCH EXCITEMENT

    So yesterday I saw that a bridal shop i had earmarked are closing down! They're going onto a new venture, so it isn't sad for them, and it means they're having a HUGE clearing out sale! 

    I figured this was as good a time as any to book an appointment and see whats going on. I figured at least then if i do fall in love with another dress, i wont be full price! And who knows, it may just reinforce my love for my current dress instead. I've promised M i wont buy anything unless it absolutely sets my soul on fire. I think hes worried by the time we get married ill have a whole wardrobe full of dresses i've changed my mind on 

    The shop is Woburn Bridal (https://www.woburnbridal.com/) if you're in the Herts/Beds/Bucks/Cambs area its not too far and they have some really gorgeous stuff. 

    I've also decided while i'm in that neck of the woods (i'm only 30 mins out but shh) i'll head to Wed2B as well, why not! 

    I think i might go alone really, but i haven't decided. i just feel guilty dragging someone around all day, and i don't know how its going to make me feel, so i don't really want that to effect anyone.

    In other exciting news tomorrow we're off to the Milton Keynes Wedding Show in the CentreMK. Its freeeeee and on all weekend, so again if you're bored and local it looks like a good one. If you've been there before its in the huge space by John Lewis where they have all the Christmas fairs up later in the year.  Plus if you register that you're going they enter you into a comp to win £100 towards the wedding, which i wont say no to! They apparently have about 100 suppliers there, so hopefully it'll be good to have a look around, maybe get some ideas and just generally do something a bit fun. 

    (http://www.centralexhibitions.co.uk/wedding-shows/milton-keynes-wedding-show-the-big-one-21st-23rd-september-2018-thecentremk/

     

    Have a great weekend everyone! 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,919 New bride
    CoffeeDogAddict wrote (see post):

    Win!

    So my mega cheap (£4) bridal belt off Amazon arrived yesterday! It's not the best by any means, but it'll give me an idea if i want to look into adding a bit of sparkle to it. I don't think its too bad for such a low price!

    image

     

    And our local comic book store had loads of comics where the covers had been ripped off during delivery so they weren't able to sell them & have given me a box to decoupage with!  I'm not entirely sure what we will do with them just yet, and its loadssss of copies of the same edition, but it means we can use loads of different images from it at least. There's even a few full page spreads of Cat Woman & Batman, even one of him proposing!  What are the odds haha. 

    Feels nice to finally have something that's a bit of a wedding project 

    image

    I wore that exact belt as a bridesmaid last month - it was nice, but it constantly caught in the lace of the dress and the bodices of our dresses all have really bad pulls all over, which means they probably can't be worn again - just a heads up in case you are planning a lace dress. 

    Happy shopping! I just took my mum, and got my dress in a sample sale, there are definite bargains to be had out there :)

     

  • MrsCToBee wrote (see post):
    I wore that exact belt as a bridesmaid last month - it was nice, but it constantly caught in the lace of the dress and the bodices of our dresses all have really bad pulls all over, which means they probably can't be worn again - just a heads up in case you are planning a lace dress.
    Happy shopping! I just took my mum, and got my dress in a sample sale, there are definite bargains to be had out there :)

    Thanks for the heads up! I don't think ill use it for the day, it doesn't feel very "me" but i couldn't justify much more when i'm not even sure if ill keep it! 

    Ohh nice! my mum is in the middle of nowhere at the moment so wont be able to come back. She lives on a narrow boat and can be all over the UK haha. Ill probably end up bombarding her with photos though :D 

     

  • This weekend was such a disaster.

    On Saturday everything that could go wrong did...including setting our grill/oven on fire, cutting my hand and the dog throwing up on the ONE area of sofa that didn't have its cover properly on. 

    By the time we made it to the wedding fair i was in need of a lie down, and although it was lovely, after 20 mins alone going to all the dress stands for information and to have a look i had a full anxiety attack and spent the next 2 days intermittently crying for reasons even i cant verbalise properly. 

    I don't think wedding fairs are for me, i don't think weddings are much for me either. 

    I tried to talk to a friend about it and got the response "I wouldn't go to wedding fairs until you were confident you wanted to make decisions" which honestly i just find unhelpful.

    We we there to get ideas to help form decisions. We found a florist we love, but shes said not to get back to her til after Brexit when she will be able to give firmer quotes.

    I want to take a step back from it all really because it all feels stressful and pointless, and i know i'm doing that to myself but honestly, the really sad part is this forum is kind of all that keeps my head up through work. I have an incredibly slow job, to the point where many days i maybe answer 3 phone calls and send 4 emails and that's all.... i just have to be here in case, and i'm often alone. Its just hard to think about anything else when i have sooooo much time on my hands. 

    I think i might start a blog to keep me occupied until i can move jobs, and to stop me posting all the tripe i keep doing on here! 

    Anything my brides to be would particularly enjoy or benefit from reading about? Not necessarily wedding related! Any suggestions more than welcome haha, i need a hobby! 

  • We could swap jobs until our weddings?!

    How do you fancy 200+ emails a day, shouty people who think you're ignoring their phone call when you're just on another phone call, a 2 day trip to an oil refinery in the middle of nowhere in Oman and then a set of hideous meetings in Abuja, Nigeria???

    But really... do you draw at all? Even kind of doodle?

    I got HUGE decision fatigue when I re-did the whole of my last house and burst in to tears in the middle of the John Lewis lighting department because there were too many different kinds of lampshades. Really. I also threw a massive tantrum in the kitchen showroom over a tap. It wasn't my finest hour. But somehow sketching different bits of my house (badly - I have zero natural talent) repeatedly was both calming and helped me make decisions as I just drew stuff I thought looked cool, and then decided to do some of it for real.

    I'm handling the wedding thing much better (thankfully!), but would totally retreat to sketching stuff if the real world decisions were too much, particularly dresses...

  • MrsS85MrsS85 Posts: 688 New bride

    Sorry to hear you had a rubbish weekend when you were looking forward to it so much, Can you take say a week off from planning to focus on yourself?

     

     

  • cs2thecox Wowzers that job sounds insane!! Huge props to you for handling that, let alone adding wedding planning and a kitchen refurb into it! I did actually used to enjoy drawing but im one of those people who isnt good at being bad at something haha but i think ill give that a go! Drawing dresses does sound quite fun! 

    MrsS85 I think thats what ill try and do - there isnt a huge amount to do now anyway, so as of yesterday i decided to shift my focus back to my fitness and let that take over my life for a little bit haha. 
  • Ah that's not good! Sorry to hear you had a bad time and didn't get the reassurance from your friend. I find people who don't get the anxious feelings don't always understand.

    I don't have a hobby as such - but I do sing. I am currently working a full time job which is fast paced and I think if I had a job like yours I would be the same and need something to fill the silence with - do you listen to music/podcasts/audiobooks?. A Blog sounds great where could I find it?

    Try not to focus too much on the bad weekend - Its done now and maybe the fairs aren't for you, they aren't for me either!!

    Lastly - I suffer form anxiety myself and I cannot explain why - I cry or worry but I don't know why.

    It was suggested that I talk about how am I feeling - how can I when I cant explain it? So what I find useful (although professionals and other anxiety sufferers would probably strongly disagree) - Is to let it subside, focus on something else while the anxiety is bubbling inside. I often find if I vocalise it... it wont go and stays with me all day. If you can put some music on, read a book or talk about something else.. it may subside -- not completely but while your mind is off the sicky worry feeling, it wont seem as bad.

    xx

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,919 New bride

    I found wedding fairs completely useless to be honest - especially as a bride on a budget. The budget vendors don't tend to do wedding fairs as the stalls cost too much, and quite a few people were quite rude to me once they ascertained I'm not on a high budget!

    Sorry you've been feeling rubbish - my job has big peaks and troughs too and I get how dull it can be during down periods, gives you far too much time to mull over things.

    As PP suggested, audiobooks or podcasts might be a good distraction x

  • GettingWed1803 & MrsCToBee Thank you! Whilst im at work I cant listen to things in case someone pops in (they're really weirdly strict, and i worry about pushing boundaries too much) but i do read a lot online. 

    I think i might look into a blog, i had started one when i had loads of time off but i worry i will still have to censor it. If i [pull a finger out and get it sorted i will share the link though :) Thank you ladies, your support really means a lot. It feels so nice to know people do understand and care, even from a distance :) 

    <3 

  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,137 New bride

    Sorry the weekend didn't go as you'd hoped. I've been to one wedding fair, the big one at the Excel last year, and didn't like it, I found people to be rude, pushy and very salesy.

    Your job sounds tough too, sometimes being bored is just as hard to deal with as super busy. I'm an assistant at a finance firm and seem to be either super quiet or crazy busy in this role and the quiet days can be tough as you find yourself overthinking or obsessing about wedding stuff!

    There are some really good podcasts for anxiety. Have a look for AnxietySlayer on Spotify (probably on podcasts/youtube too). I also quite like Ted Talks to pass the time in a more constructive way. Could you wear headphones at work? Even just one discretely under your hair you could take out if someone does pop in. How about crafting? Colouring in? Knitting etc? I'm sure if someone popped in they'd understand you taking a small break, they must know the role is very quiet? There are lots of different things that help people with anxiety, it might just take a while to figure out what helps you. Maybe take a step back from wedding stuff and try out some of those options. Sometimes the more I think about weddings the worse I feel - doubting decisions, overthinking, then you start worrying about money and "are we doing the right thing" etc etc. Finding something else to occupy your thoughts and bring you back to a calm centre will hopefully help. Anxiety is tough and so different for everyone who suffers. Be patient with yourself. Lots of love x

  • Ashley72 wrote (see post):

    Sorry the weekend didn't go as you'd hoped. I've been to one wedding fair, the big one at the Excel last year, and didn't like it, I found people to be rude, pushy and very salesy.

    Your job sounds tough too, sometimes being bored is just as hard to deal with as super busy. I'm an assistant at a finance firm and seem to be either super quiet or crazy busy in this role and the quiet days can be tough as you find yourself overthinking or obsessing about wedding stuff!

    There are some really good podcasts for anxiety. Have a look for AnxietySlayer on Spotify (probably on podcasts/youtube too). I also quite like Ted Talks to pass the time in a more constructive way. Could you wear headphones at work? Even just one discretely under your hair you could take out if someone does pop in. How about crafting? Colouring in? Knitting etc? I'm sure if someone popped in they'd understand you taking a small break, they must know the role is very quiet? There are lots of different things that help people with anxiety, it might just take a while to figure out what helps you. Maybe take a step back from wedding stuff and try out some of those options. Sometimes the more I think about weddings the worse I feel - doubting decisions, overthinking, then you start worrying about money and "are we doing the right thing" etc etc. Finding something else to occupy your thoughts and bring you back to a calm centre will hopefully help. Anxiety is tough and so different for everyone who suffers. Be patient with yourself. Lots of love x

     

    Thank you so so much, ill check out those recommendations! I do love a good podcast, and im sure i can find a way to sneak it in. I really appreciate your kindness, its means so much to me xx 

  • Under New Management

    So i just got an email from the venue, with the new manager introducing herself. Shes apparently worked at one of the other venues within the group for about 4 years, also working with the same caterers so i'm confident she knows whats what. 

    Tbh im a bit relieved, the last one seemed a nightmare to get hold of, and shes the one that told us all the incorrect information. Apparently they have 8 new full time staff also so it sounds like they're really sorting things out. 

    We are meant to have a coordinator although i think that's just for the day really, or a few weeks before too. I'm not sure if shes the same or different, or what the situation is with that but im working on the basis that they do nothing, and then if it transpires they do more then its handy, but we arent relying to heavily on them! 

     

    EDITED TO ADD 

    Ok, so i was having a look at the old venue the new manager worked at, and saw theyre had a really comprehensive FAQ, and ended up going back on my venues page to have a look at theirs, as to my knowledge it was never that detailed. Well they've updated it, and i have some serious concerns. 

    Is there any flexibility on the menu?

    The Chopping Block have an extensive catering repertoire and are happy to discuss bespoke menus. Please note that bespoke menus will carry a minimum surcharge of £500 depending on your menu requirements.

     (this was never told to us but explains their issues!)

    but THIS is where im really concerned:

    What happens if there are rooms left un-booked?
    Milling Barn is an exclusive use venue and therefore all the rooms are reserved for you and your guests. Therefore, any rooms left un-booked 7 weeks prior to your wedding will be added to your final invoice.

     

    Now- at time of booking theres the bridal suite, the dressing room, and 2 rooms. Theyre adding 4 more rooms to 8, and at £125 a night.... we were NEVER told we would be charged for rooms not used. We saw it (maybe naively) that these rooms were just a handy extra, as it is a little in the country, but no more than a 10 min taxi ride from another town.

    This really really worries me as we chose the venue for the fact all our main family like 15 mins away, NO ONE is going to pay £125 for a room for the night (especially when there isnt even a cooked breakfast!)

    This is going to cost us £875 if they hold us to it. 

    I'm off to read through our contract with a super fine tooth comb. 

     

  • Just binge read your whole thread and really enjoyed it... hoping so much for you that with a new experienced Manager, things will get better at your venue and you can have a clearer understanding of everything!

    I didn't realise quite how close we were... we ended up at the MK wedding fair by accident on sunday as we were in town that day. It's not just you, I found the whole set up quite hard to deal with. It was quiet when we were there and I felt a little intimidated with all the stall holders watching you. Then we got caught in the 'fashion show' and couldn't really move and that was enough for me! 

    Thanks for the tip re-Woburn store closing down too, thats been on my radar but I hadn't seen this! And I really need to start at least looking at dresses - as much as I don't want to!

    Looking forward to hearing more about your planning!

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,919 New bride

    If you signed your contract pre them adding the new rooms,  they can't charge you for them.

  • MrsA-NToBe Aw thank you! Im glad it wasnt just me, i felt like M & I had to look like we were deep in conversation as we walked around so they didnt jump on us, and even then some did! 

    Just a heads up  they close doors on the 31st October, so i know it might feel a bit rushed but if you fancy a peek get in before then.I'm heading over on the 6th. 

     

    Thanks MrsCtoBe! I had a chat with them and they did confirm the same, this new manager seems lovely actually and was really understanding, and actually got back to me the same day which is unheard of! 

  • WHAT KIND OF DAUGHTER FORGETS TO TELL THEIR MUM THEIR WEDDING DATE!!!

    Me apparently. I feel awful, but i think it says a lot about my relationship with my mum that its been booked for 3 months and she didn't know. 

    In my defence, i have a whatsapp where i said "we've booked our venue and date!" and she replied telling me about her outfit.... 

    I love my mum, i really do, but shes not always on the same book let alone the same page. 

    I've said in the new year we will go dress shopping to make up for it. I worry with her not really being physically around shes going to miss out on bits and i don't want her to feel left behind. 

  • CoffeeDogAddict wrote (see post):

    MrsA-NToBe Aw thank you! Im glad it wasnt just me, i felt like M & I had to look like we were deep in conversation as we walked around so they didnt jump on us, and even then some did! 

    Just a heads up  they close doors on the 31st October, so i know it might feel a bit rushed but if you fancy a peek get in before then.I'm heading over on the 6th. 

     

    That is exactly what we did! haha. Ooo, that's really helpful, thank you. I'll see if I can get in there before then. Typically, I have the busiest month coming up! 

  • Weekend of Wins

    So on Friday I got my hands on 4 photo frames from John Lewis, they have a lovely thick frame and will be ideal for signs dotted around, and the best part is, they were totally free! I had spent the day sorting the loft at work and they were about to throw these out! We're going to paint the frames metallic :) Dead pleased! 

    image

    I have been keeping an eye on things i want to pick up for the wedding ob Ebay, and being a HUGE shoe lover, I really wanted a pair of the Vivienne Westwood X Melissa heels. Ill be honest, i might not wear them for the wedding itself, but i will wear them 100% for the hen do, and i might change into them for the evening. I always knew i was going to have something a little different for shoes, and i managed to get them for £20 inc postage instead of £90. M hates them, but he is very much "as long as youre happy" so its a win for me! 

    image

    We also decided seeing as we had the issue of people not actually spreading the wedding date through the family like we had hoped, we knocked up a design on Canva in 20 mins and will have them all made to send out with Christmas cards to save on postage! It was way easier than i expected, and i'm very pleased with the outcome! I'll pop pictures up when we start making them. 

  • CoffeeDogAddict wrote (see post):

    Weekend of Wins

    I have been keeping an eye on things i want to pick up for the wedding ob Ebay, and being a HUGE shoe lover, I really wanted a pair of the Vivienne Westwood X Melissa heels. Ill be honest, i might not wear them for the wedding itself, but i will wear them 100% for the hen do, and i might change into them for the evening. I always knew i was going to have something a little different for shoes, and i managed to get them for £20 inc postage instead of £90. M hates them, but he is very much "as long as youre happy" so its a win for me! 

    image

     

     

    Your shoes = wow! What a statement piece!

  • Planning a Wedding When Your Family Don't Get On Is Hard. 

    Especially when certain members of the family don't know that another member dislikes them. 

    I have a dress session booked for this weekend with my sister (MOH). Bit nervous, feels a bit pointless but whatever, its a trip out. Mentioned it to my mum, safe in the knowledge shes on a boat god knows where, and apparently shes actually back for Saturday, and now wants to come along.

    Great

    Except it isn't. My Mum and sister do not really get on. My sister flaps, and my mum has a very blunt way of doing things, and is very to the point. This means Sister will spend all day not saying anything and being an anxious mess, and Mum will get pissed off because she isn't giving an input. 

    I love them both, God i really do, but i have always been the go-between for them and its really stressful. There was a huge family falling out a few months back too, and it was with my sister and mum and since then its just been really awkward. 

    At least now i'm less nervous about not fitting the dresses, and more nervous about WW3 breaking out in the middle of Woburn. 

    I've actually emailed the shop to warn them, this is how little I trust things to go well. Probably not an ideal trip to make when trying to go sober for October! 

    I just feel shite about the whole thing and actually feel like i've put my sister out by allowing my mum to come, and now she isn't looking forward to it. I literally cant win. 

     

     

  • Sian91Sian91 Posts: 829 New bride

    Love the shoes!

    I think most people put up and shut up out of respect- maybe say separately to them that you're grateful to share the day with them and it's super important they're both there xyz. 

  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,137 New bride

    Ah sorry to hear - families are hard!

    If your sister will find it really uncomfortable, could you ask her if she would actually prefer to go a different day and just go with your Mum? Tell her you thought it would be nice to have Mum and Daughter time and then plan something separately with your sister? If that would make things worse then just hope that they’ll both be too interested in the occasion and you looking lovely in dresses to cause issue. Maybe you could give them both things to focus on to keep them busy whilst you’re in fitting rooms so there is no awkward silences or chance for things to kick off - get your sister to be picking out another dress or tell your Mum to take a look at veils etc. I’m all for using distraction as a technique! Good luck. Sober for October is admirable but I definitely think you’re allowed a day off in this situation if the need arises!! 

  • cs2thecoxcs2thecox Posts: 260 New bride

    I think most dress shops are fairly used to handling this sort of thing...

    If you have a chance to phone them again (or can get there early) to express your concerns, hopefully they can be proactive in asking for your sister's opinion, and soften anything too blunt that your mum says etc. Does being out in public make them less likely to clash?!

    You could also use your own nerves as an excuse, and start the appointment by sitting them down and saying that you are really nervous about trying on dresses (even if you aren't!) and that you value both of their input _equally_, and want to hear both of their thoughts on everything you try on, but could they please think carefully before they say anything because YOU are so nervous.

    The traditional technique if they want to criticize something, is that they have to sandwich it between two good things! Classic "praise sandwich" feedback technique that works in ALL situations - good thing, area for improvement, another good thing.

    If you can get the shop girls on board, and stick to this kind of thing, hopefully it'll give your sister a kind of framework for her feedback (which sounds like it might be helpful if she has a tendency to flap?) while also making sure your mum doesn't over power/over-blunt things!

    Big good luck...!

    (I'm ordering my dress on Saturday, and having my parents, sister and niece along so they can see it before I hand over the money. My sister helped me choose it, but I'm a bit worried my mum won't approve, or that the 11-year old niece will say something truthful but utterly tactless. I *hope* I'm worrying about nothing, but... If it starts to go wrong, I'll be invoking the praise sandwich tactic!)

  • Thanks everyone!! I really appreciate the input, and i'm definitely going to try and distract them and ham up how nervous i am, brilliant ideas i hadn't even thought of! I'm hoping they'll both get into it once were there, and with any luck my mum will just go into the "special moment" kind of feeling and not be too crass. I'm going to go to a few other shops with just my sister in the new year so hopefully she will just be looking forward to that. 

    I love the Praise Sandwich! I think i'm just going to use that all the time!! 

    Good luck on Saturday CS2TC!! I hope it all goes well, and im sure they'll see how much you love it and feel the same :) 

  • To distract myself from family dramas, and because i've been meaning to do it for SO LONG i have put together some mood boards. I'm a hugely visual person, but seeing as 90% of my time posting on here is at work (oops) i cant quite get away with it. 

    Colours: 
    image

    Ceremony:
    image

    They're really badly done on paint but at least it narrows down my vibe for it. I use Pinterest, but i find it overwhelming and i struggle to really cut things down so this was a great way for me to really narrow down what i like most. 

  • MrsS85MrsS85 Posts: 688 New bride

    Love your mood board, your colour palette is really nice and you can tell from those pictures it will come together really well.

  • image

  • cs2thecoxcs2thecox Posts: 260 New bride

    Love the mood boards!

    I was only converted away from being a Paint luddite by the (free) PhotoGrid app. Game changing. Even my mum's on board and uses it for little collages of holiday photos.

    (I also can't cope with Pinterest...)

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