What Am I Doing?! - April 2020

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  • Haha I'm pretty sure I just responded to you on the Bridechilla Facebook group. If it wasn't you it's someone with a very similar topper based dilemma :D

  • weatherwaxe wrote (see post):

    Haha I'm pretty sure I just responded to you on the Bridechilla Facebook group. If it wasn't you it's someone with a very similar topper based dilemma :D

    That was me!! Aha thank you!! 

  • I won something!! 

    I never win anything so i'm super excited about this!! 

    Image may contain: shoes

    Aren't they gorgeous!! I'm super excited and think they'll go beautifully. 

    I know i had the Vivienne Westwood shoes, but when they arrived they were a bit tooooooo bright, and i feel like it detracted from the dress. They're definitely going to be worn for the Hen Do though, and god knows how many occasions before that! 

    I am an absolute shoe fiend, i adore a good pair of heels and used to have a lovely collection of unusual styles, but im gradually selling them now to make more space. 

    I'm finally starting to feel like im getting a faint vibe of my look for the day 

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,208 New bride
    edited 1 February

    The Look

    So i've been starting to think about how to accessorise my dress, and i'm struggling to get my head round it all. 

    My dress is gorgeous, and such a statement in its own right. Personally i think id be happy (although maybe a tad chilly!) wearing just my dress, but my mum thinks for the ceremony i should have something to cover my chest and shoulders (its not a church wedding - but i think she just want to be "proper") 

    I always wanted to have a veil/cape that was a little different, but knew it'd all depend on what dress i had. Now the dress is so....big, i worry a statement veil/cape will be a bit much. 

    Here's a little mood board of ideas - the patterns and materials are just ideas, but i wont have any lace: 

    image

    I'm thinking it'd need to be one of the following combinations:
    - Unique top & traditional veil
    - Capelette  & no veil 
    - Cape from back/shoulders & no veil & no top
    - Cape that is also a top & no veil
    - Shoulder jewellery & veil  
    - No top & statement veil

    As you can see, i haven't the foggiest. I just know i'd like it to be personal, and i will probably end up making it myself. 

    I feel like i like the idea of a veil, i like the way it looks in photos, but also the cape is just a bit different, but it'll be spring and i just don't know if id feel more awkward in it. 

    Whatever i end up picking, it will only be on for max 2 hours so it doesn't make sense to spend a bomb on it. 

    Any advice is hugely appreciated! 

     

  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,137 New bride

    I really like the shoulder jewellery idea, I think it's really unique and completely impractical in a way that you can only get away with for a wedding! I've only seen it on two brides (an old work colleague and a beautician I used to go to) and both of them looked stunning with it. I do love capes as well but for me I think they have more of a winter wedding vibe. Personally I love veils and think they're so uniquely bridal but if they're not you, they're not you! Are there any items you can order which can be returned so you could have a little try-on session at home?

  • MrsS85MrsS85 Posts: 688 New bride

    I love a cape, but do agree they are a little more wintery, I like the top which is on the top line of your mood board, 2nd from the right. I have never seen the shoulder jewellery in real life but worry it might move about abit. A friend of mine had a strapless dress like your with a top she wore during the day and then took off for the evening which was lovely, as it gave 2 completely different looks. 

    I agree with your mum being more covered up during the ceremony regardless of whether it is in a church or not does seem more proper- Maybe I am getting old!

  • Thanks Ashley72 & MrsS85, i really appreciate the input! I agree, i think whenever i see capes they're gorgeous but it does feel wintery. 

    I think i'm leaning more towards the top & veil, and i think ill make the top the something that's a little different. Its hard to see, but the image in the top left corner (first image really) has the wedding date stitched into the cap sleeve which i think is really cute. 

    I might buy a cheap top and veil just to play around with, and i can then fashion the veil into a cape to see how it feels too. 

    I think ill have a look around and see if there's anywhere i can buy the shoulder jewellery that takes returns, i'm sure there must be somewhere! failing that ill lash a few necklaces together haha. I think it'd be a lovely look for the evening, after taking the top off, but probably highly impractical to dance in.

    It's quite fun thinking of playing all this dress up to decide

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,919 New bride

    I love the shoes!

  • MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

    I love the shoes!

    Thank you! They should arrive soon and i feel like thats a good excuse to get back in my dress haha

  • Drama Llama

    So we've been having MORE issues with the venue/caterers in the last 10 days. I hadn't gone into details before because tbh i had hoped it was done with but it appears not. 

    I found and email from the venue manager from when we booked, confirming what we had initially been told re prices for the meal. I sent this on to the new manager and asked if she knew if this was still correct, as we had had an issue with the caterers being on the same page. 

    She emailed me back and stated explicitly that we could have the BBQ as the wedding breakfast for £15pp plus sides and drinks for a minimum of 100 people. Perfect, exactly what we had been told and hoped before the caterers got all odd on us. 

    "You are more than welcome to have the BBQ for your wedding breakfast if you wish however it just needs to meet the minimum numbers (100) that in mind your total so far will be £1500. The minimum spend for your day on food and drink is £5500 so you need to make up the rest of it – you could do as Jenny has stated below with your drinks package, salads, dessert towers and doughnut walls!"

    I asked if she could relay this to the caterers as they were disagreeing saying this couldnt happen, and then she comes back to me saying they have a minimum cost of £46pp for the wedding breakfast.... literally days after advising the total opposite. 

    "I have spoken to the kitchen and they have said the minimum spend on your wedding breakfast will be £46 per head. We can do a BBQ grill for you in the evening and it will be £15 - minimum spend on wedding day food is £46. Do you still want to have it in the day or in the evening"

    I tried to ask he what had changed and why did she tell us otherwise and all i got back was "my hands are tied" and she never said why she told me the wrong information.... 

    Sent another email saying we understand, we will pay the £46 but can someone explain where the communication went wrong, as we have other things we discussed that we now want clarification on, and we stressed how we just wanted to make sure we were all of the same and correct understanding going forward, and we got the shittiest email back. 

    We sent: 

    " I understand that's what has now been advised, but are you able to explain why we were told upon booking, and in both emails (one from previously, soon after booking and one from yourself last week) that we could have the BBQ as a wedding breakfast for £15 a head for a minimum of £1500? 

     I understand since checking with the caterer's this has now been changed, but as you can imagine this is a huge increase from what we were told on booking, and from what you confirmed last week. Over three times the price per head is a huge increase and means we are having to make considerable changes to our plans. 

     

    Also as mentioned when we booked, the lady said she would put it as the relaxed menu because she couldn't figure out how to change it on the system, and she said it wouldn't matter. I then sent the email to confirm afterwards about having the BBQ as the breakfast and received the first email confirming this would be fine at the £15 per head minimum £1500. 

     
  • Drama Llama Cont.

     

     We appreciate it will be more food if done as the breakfast, but that wasn't something we had requested and we chose Milling Barn due to the apparent flexibility with the menu but we are left feeling like we have been told anything to get us to book and now we have paid the money there is a reluctance to hold up to what was confirmed upon booking, and in the subsequent emails. 

     I'm sorry, as we really don't want to come across as awkward, but I hope you can understand we feel let down as we only had two hugely important catering points for us for the day. We confirmed multiple times that we could have the BBQ package as the breakfast - at the evening price - to stay within budget when we had our viewing and were told it was fine, and our idea for a few separate cakes instead of one large one was also confirmed as being absolutely fine. We were even told people had done this before, and now we are finding out that neither of these are possible. 

     

    Unfortunately, the misleading information that we received prior to booking appears to have been overlooked in the responses we've had so far. This has led to us feeling rather disappointed and apprehensive that further ideas that we pitched, and had confirmed prior to booking, may also encounter the same issues.

     

    We sincerely hope a resolution can be found to the issues raised since we were overjoyed to have found a venue that was so "us" and want to feel confident going through the planning process with you. "

     

    And we got back:

    " I cannot go against the head chef or operations managers prices. The minimum spend for your wedding breakfast is £46 per head it also states this on your terms and conditions. You can have the BBQ Grill for your main wedding breakfast no problem at £46 per head or evening food at £15 per head. I am unable to change this.

     We are able to be flexible with the menus just not the prices. Your prices are fixed so wont increase however your minimum spend is £46 per head for your wedding breakfast. This is the same for everyone I cannot change this the prices are set." 

    I'm disappointed because honestly all i wanted was the manager to say "sorry, it was my mistake. I thought the information i had given was right but now realise this isn't the case" or something, because it really feels like they just tell you whatever you want and then deal with the let down later on. I hate when people aren't responsible for their actions, especially when it causes such upset. 

    I've handed it all over to M now, because it was making me so stressed out and anxious it made me ill. If i were in a better place generally id probably handle it better, but it was the straw the broke the camels back. He's sent an email explaining what we were hoping for (an apology) and to see how we can move forward, trusting in their ability to take on our event. 

    I want to find another venue, maybe a deal for off season 2019, and move on from this as i think they will just make things awkward for us now, but he's certain he can smooth things over enough. I just dont want them to not extend us any favours because of this, where they had seemed quite open to being flexible with decorations and stuff before. 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,919 New bride

    I just wrote you a long reply then lost it, as I've seen your posts on Bridechilla fb too - but it boiled down to the fact their business practices are dodgy as hell, and I can totally see why you want to move venues. If this person can't make decisions then your fiancé needs to be going above her head to the people who can. She literally has zero accountability and isn't even apologizing for basically tripling the price of your wedding breakfast  -serious alarm bells would be ringing for me. 

    Sorry you're going through this.

  • MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

    I just wrote you a long reply then lost it, as I've seen your posts on Bridechilla fb too - but it boiled down to the fact their business practices are dodgy as hell, and I can totally see why you want to move venues. If this person can't make decisions then your fiancé needs to be going above her head to the people who can. She literally has zero accountability and isn't even apologizing for basically tripling the price of your wedding breakfast  -serious alarm bells would be ringing for me. 

    Sorry you're going through this.

    Its so hard, because he realllly wants us to have the wedding there... Hes confident it'll all sort of smooth over, and that we just need to be "on it" when it comes to other things we ask for or need from them, but i explained on the day and the lead up to, we shouldn't be having to chase them and i dot want to be worried on the morning of that we are going to have loads missing or worrying if they'll be awkward. 

    Him taking over it all has helped massively, but honestly i just think of that place and feel panicked and stressed now, which obviously isn't ideal. I'm going to leave it in his hands for now, but i genuinely think if we don't get a satisfactory response either by email or in person, i'm going to have no choice but to put my foot down and refuse to get married there, which is so gutting because its gorgeous, but i honestly feel like it'll be nothing but a nightmare. 

    My fear is if we go over her head - and we still can't get our deposit back, then we are very stuck unless we accept we lose £2,000 which we really cant do when were paying for it ourselves, and she will be even more livid at us, and potentially make the day a nightmare. 

    (also sorry for posting this basically everywhere - i think its the only way i can process it) 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,919 New bride

    I keep seeing you apologizing to them, saying sorry for being awkward, not wanting to make a fuss in case they make it awkward/ruin it for you....I'm going to be blunt, but this is why they are walking all over you and not admitting anything - you're being too nice! Stop apologizing, start demanding - YOU ARE THE CUSTOMER!!!!

  • MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

    I keep seeing you apologizing to them, saying sorry for being awkward, not wanting to make a fuss in case they make it awkward/ruin it for you....I'm going to be blunt, but this is why they are walking all over you and not admitting anything - you're being too nice! Stop apologizing, start demanding - YOU ARE THE CUSTOMER!!!!

    Ah i know i know, im just so scared if we do end up stuck with them then they'll just make the day a nightmare, i feel like they have all the power. 

    I've posted to Reddit for legal advice on getting the deposit back, a few people mentioned it so its worth a shot. 

  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,137 New bride
    MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

    I keep seeing you apologizing to them, saying sorry for being awkward, not wanting to make a fuss in case they make it awkward/ruin it for you....I'm going to be blunt, but this is why they are walking all over you and not admitting anything - you're being too nice! Stop apologizing, start demanding - YOU ARE THE CUSTOMER!!!!

     

    I was just about to say the same thing as MrsC. I’d let husband handle it if it’s giving you anxiety but I think it’s time for a step up from a softly softly approach. I’d ask to speak to whoever is most senior and have a face to face meeting that you record and/or follow up in writing. The lack of apology for what is a massive miscommunication and false information is apalling. I also think they should be very careful as I’m sure the reviews you could leave - now if you change or even after the wedding - have the potential to be quite damaging as there is no way I’d book them based on what you’ve said so far. I hope you can find a resolution soon! Try and focus on other stuff whilst H2B deals with this element. Easier said than done but no point working yourself up over it more than you need to, you’ll end up making yourself ill. Fingers crossed for you x

     

  • Update

    So M emailed back saying we feel like she has misunderstood the point of our emails, and we are just looking to find out why we were misinformed. He said we aren't looking to have the price honoured, we were just expecting an apology and reassurance it wont happen again. 

    We haven't had a response yet and its been a few days, so we will give it a week, and then we have decided if we don't hear back ,or if it isn't a satisfactory response, we are going to go to the main companies directors (its owned by a company that run 4-5 venues) and explain everything, and ask what they are going to do to ensure we are treated properly going forward. 

    We had a really in depth chat about it and i actually told M i didnt want to get married there at all, regardless of what they say and do now. I feel like we are the ones paying them huge amounts of money, we shouldnt have to ask for an apology, and we havent had even the faintest hint of decent customer service. I was a manager in retail for some time and its a basic rule, even if you havent messed up you do anything you can to make them happy, and if you have messed up you bend over backwards to make it better, NOT quote the (wrong) terms and conditions. 

    I think we will end up going to the head honchos anyway, i think they need to know and honestly, yeah now i want something back for the hassle and stress, and i want them to make sure this woman now doesnt sabotage the day! I have visions of her being impossible to work with, when they should be working double time to make us feel listened to and appreciated. 

    Sorry if all this sounds a bit stuck up, but its a huge amount of money for us and i feel like they've walked all over us and were being taken for mugs. 

    I've started looking at alternative venues, and one i loved beforehand that was out of budget has some deals for off season 2019, although it would mean we have less time to save it might be worth it to not have the panic and stress in the lead up to and on the day. M is still highly unconvinced about this, even though i think Nov '19 would be cute as November is the month we got together! 

    To be continued.... 

  • It'll be a week on Sunday - and still zero response. Every day we don't get a reply i just get angrier. 

    I started looking at other venues for cheap 2019 deals - this then turned into me realising if we moved our date to 2019 we could save about £500, and now im really hooked on this idea. 

    I think its partly because im fully sick of all this and i dont want to spend the next 17 months stressing, and partly because i always wanted it to be sooner, but we didnt want to get into debt for it. 

    If we did move it it would mean either a credit card or something, but it would still be paid off by the original date (if not sooner) so i feel like that isnt so bad? 

    I dont even know. I feel like ive totally lost the plot and right now i want nothing to do with the wedding. I dont want to plan, i dont want to look at things, i dont even want to think about it, and dont talk to me about it. 

    I cant be excited for something i have no idea about anymore. will it be our date still? Who knows. Same venue? Not a clue. 

    i just want to actually enjoy this process and i feel like thats been taken away from me now. Every time i think back to it i will remember what a nightmare it started as. 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,919 New bride

    Gosh they really are rubbish aren't they? And you are still being very nice, saying you don't want the price honoured - if I'd had it agreed verbally and in writing I bloody would!

    I definitely think speaking to someone further up the chain has to your next step.

  • MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

    Gosh they really are rubbish aren't they? And you are still being very nice, saying you don't want the price honoured - if I'd had it agreed verbally and in writing I bloody would!

    I definitely think speaking to someone further up the chain has to your next step.

    I know, i flit between wanting to push them to honour the price, and just wanting confidence the rest of the event will be alright. It would be nice if we could find something in the middle - we pay for a few changes but not the full amount they're asking for. 

    I've emailed their head office very vaguely to just ask for a contact of someone i can talk with fully, and if i haven't heard back from her by Sunday ill send it over to them. 

    Her lack of response to anything makes it so hard, i don't think we will be able to get a meeting in next week at this rate. 

  • So over the weekend we received a very lovely and informative email from the Catering Manager. She couldn't do more to help us and was just so so lovely, its really put my mind at ease with it all. 

    What STILL pi***s me off is that the Venue Manager hasn't come back to us at all, and she has clearly just fobbed off our complaint to the catering team.

    I'm almost impressed at the levels shes going to to avoid accepting responsibility for her fuck up. 

    Having trawled through all the contact i've had with both venue & catering staff from the outset it appears the 3 "owners" have a somewhat active part in the running of it all as well. One of them has been in touch before but i think she works mostly with the catering side, and another emailed us briefly last week to suggest we talk to the venue manager.... the third i cannot find any contact details for. 

    So M's half term treat is writing up a comprehensive email stating  all the mistakes from day 1 and putting forward what we want in return. We have discussed it, and we are not going to dispute paying the extra however we will mention they are actually legally bound to provide the original quote at the original price. In return for us paying the new price, we are going to see what they will give us as compensation to make up for it, with the aim to push for: Our suite for the night, upgrades on drinks and additional alcohol throughout the day. 

    Hopefully he drafts something up soon and we can get some closure on this. Madness when all we ever wanted was them to accept they messed up and apologise. 

    On another note we had M's parents over for dinner last night, it was a really lovely evening and they were both so kind, telling us how we should only do things we want and not to worry about anyone else. They also said they want to help financially, but were very vague on numbers. M bless him did ask - and they said "do things how you want and let us know what you're short at the end" which is very sweet, but we have planned it all in a way so that we wont be short, but it will mean we have very little left over in our rainy day fund. M said he will deal with this later though and possibly ask if they'll contribute for his and his brothers suits. 

    We also managed to nab an Instax Mini 70 on Ebay for £43!! Very pleased with this, and it means we can have a whole photobooth set up for well under £100! 

    I feel loads better about the whole wedding thing, and i'm beginning to accept even if we never get the apology or acknowledgement of mistakes like we would want, i will just plan everything myself to an absolute T so on the day i don't have to rely on the venue manager for anything much and afterwards ill annihilate her in my review 

  • Rach371Rach371 Posts: 1,116 New bride

    Just quickly jumping in on the parents being vague thing - we had the exact same problem with our in laws, they really kindly offered to "help" and then never set out how much they wanted to help us out by! We had a few awkward conversations with them where we tried to get an idea of the figure but it didnt work.

    In the end, husband sent them an email listing the things we still had left to pay, ranging from £50 to £500. They included things like the balance of the photographer, the wine, some decorative stuff we wanted and smaller things like the registrars fees etc. We worded it nicely to say that if they wanted to help with the wedding perhaps they could choose something off the list. We were lucky and they paid for a few things which meant we could avoid asking them for cold hard cash and also meant they felt like they were contributing to something rather than just putting money towards it. hope that helps! 

  • Rach371 That's a really good idea thank you!! I wasn't really sure how we would go about it, because they really didn't want to give a figure and we didn't want to assume it'd be around a certain amount. 

    I'm definitely pinching that one thank you!! 

  • Pretty Things

    I've been looking back at tops/capes/veils ect as a pleasant distraction from the drama, and it only seemed to occur to me today that i could use the top to inject the colour i had originally wanted in my dress. 

    I love the idea of something like this if i were to go down the more traditional (but not quite) route:Glitter Frost Ivory Trendy Top, Prom Ivory party crop top, Ivory engagement glitter top, Bridesmaids or Bridal Sparkle blouse plus size

    (I don't know if you can tell but its sparkly)

    But i saw this on Etsy
    Poly Raw Silk New Multicolor Designer Readymade Digital Printed Blouse Wedding Party Saree Choli Top Tunic Sari

    And i ended up down the rabbit hole of floral silks! 
    1 YARD Cotton Lycra BRIGHT Watercolor Floral Custom Knit Fabric 

     

    I love the idea of something bold and different, as I always wanted something a little unusual in my look, but I did think the last picture would go well if M does stick with wanting to go for Blues with his and the groomsmen for ties and pocket squares. 

    I have the benefit that i can make whatever i decide on, but i really like the cut of the first two, and I want it to button up at the top by my nape but then fall into an /\ shape. 

    Is it a bit much or do you think it could work? Its a spring wedding after all! 

  • I think that would work! How clever to be able to make it yourself too. 

     

    I saw this on the FairyGothmother sample sale today, similar vibe to the first one you posted but in pink https://www.fairygothmother.co.uk/collections/sample-sale/products/tb-bt203-s-shimmery-sequinned-cropped-separate-top

  • Oh thank you CavalierBride ! I haven't heard of them before so im gonna take a little look 

  • I love your shoes and I love the idea of adding some colour with the top - the fabrics are gorgeous.  I've just looked back at your dress and post re: capes / tops / veils and thought you could maybe go with a tulle style top, so that it's semi sheer and matches the fabric of the bottom of the dress, then you could add some tulle coloured flowers to the top and maybe scatter a couple of these onto your veil (I'm hoping to add some colour with my veil also).

    Will you be making your own veil too?  With you saying you'll probably make the top, I would definitely recommend making the veil yourself too (if you haven't already decided this).  I've made a couple and they're super easy.

  • Jessica Rabbit wrote (see post):

    I love your shoes and I love the idea of adding some colour with the top - the fabrics are gorgeous.  I've just looked back at your dress and post re: capes / tops / veils and thought you could maybe go with a tulle style top, so that it's semi sheer and matches the fabric of the bottom of the dress, then you could add some tulle coloured flowers to the top and maybe scatter a couple of these onto your veil (I'm hoping to add some colour with my veil also).

    Will you be making your own veil too?  With you saying you'll probably make the top, I would definitely recommend making the veil yourself too (if you haven't already decided this).  I've made a couple and they're super easy.

    I feel like you've just put all my jumbled thoughts on this into something coherent!! Thank you! <3 

    I've been trawling the internet all day looking at different fabrics and there wasn't any one that seemed exactly right, but i have seen some appliques so i think i might give this a go!

    In all honestly i reckon i can do a top and a veil for under £100, so if it does all go wrong at least it isnt the end of the world, and i like the idea of having the ability to change my mind mid production haha. 

    I think i'm going to aim for ivory/blush/blue details, as then hopefully this will tie in with M's tie & pocket square, and it makes me feel a bit better about having blue in our "theme". 

     

     

  • Yay, so glad I can help!  I can't wait to see what you create, I'm sure it will be beautiful!  The colours look really nice together in my head!

  • Nothing has been happening of late - still awaiting responses from the higher ups at the Venue and we're not booking anything else until 12 months, so i have 5 months to fill!!

    Our Polaroid camera arrived which i'm very pleased with, and think a little DIY photo booth will do us just fine! 

    We have also ordered all the bits to make our save the dates. M loved the small log slice magnets but at £1 per invite we weren't going down that route, considering we weren't originally going to do save the dates at all. I've ordered some bits from Wish and hopefully can re-create that look at home. We are hoping to give them out over Christmas when we see people, but seeing as they're all coming from China we will just see how much time we have when it all arrives! 

    Today is our anniversary so i'm feeling all sentimental, but i cant wait until i can say "this time next year". We've been talking a lot about our achievements and what we've managed together, and i feel really proud. At 24 & 26 we managed to save for a deposit for a house and secure a mortgage, and M was also secretly saving for my ring too. We're paying for this wedding ourselves (minus a few things like my dress and maybe Ms suit) and i just feel proud that we are doing this, were working hard to build our future and yeah our house is mostly a mess and there's a lot i want to do to it, but it's ours and we managed it together ^_^ 

    (I have no issues towards anyone that does get assistance btw! I'm just saying its a good feeling that when we knew that wasn't available to us we made it work) 

    As today is an occasion, were off for a lovely meal and i really cant wait for some quality time together doing what we do best....EATING! 

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