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Young guests 'girlfriends/boyfriends'

As above really. How are you tackling this issue .

I have 3 cousins kids who are 18-20 and so far I've already had two texts saying Is the boyfriend included in the invite ??"

I feel cruel but I also don't fancy paying £100 each for a 18 year old 'boyfriend' who we have never met, have no idea of their name and who potentially could be broken up with by the wedding. 

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Posts

  • I wanted to start off by saying that the age of the couple shouldn’t make any odds. I’m 25 now but am marrying the man I've been since I was 16. My friend met her now husband at school and had been together since age 14. I also know lots of other people that met that long term partners/husbands at uni. I do think it’s very presumptuous and a little unfair to suggest these reltionships are insignificant/won’t last due to age. At 18-20 you are no longer a kid and shouldn’t be treat like one.

    Anyway, I think it should depend more on how long they have been together. If it’s a new realtionship I’ve said to my own guests that their partner can attend the evening. Maybe you could do the same? If they’ve been together for a while (6-ish months plus) out of courtesy I’d invite them both. 

  • AwhelenqtAwhelenqt Posts: 856 New bride

    I wouldn't invite them personally. I don't think you should invite anyone to your wedding that you don't really want to be there. It's mad  to me that some people choose to not invite people they'd really like to be there, in favour of a partner of a guest that they don't know/like...

  • Sorry but I sort of disagree with Nottinghamshire Bride (in the nicest way possible!). There are obviously exceptions and people do marry their teenage loves which is amazing, but realistically the majority of teenage relationships don't last. I remember being annoyed as a teenager at not being invited to a wedding with my boyfriend, we broke up years and years ago and thank goodness I'm not in the wedding photos of people I'll probably never see again in my life! 

  • MayBride2019 wrote (see post):

    Sorry but I sort of disagree with Nottinghamshire Bride (in the nicest way possible!). There are obviously exceptions and people do marry their teenage loves which is amazing, but realistically the majority of teenage relationships don't last. I remember being annoyed as a teenager at not being invited to a wedding with my boyfriend, we broke up years and years ago and thank goodness I'm not in the wedding photos of people I'll probably never see again in my life! 

    I also don’t think it’s not just down to age. You say a majority of teenage relationships dont last, but how many relationships last in your 20/30s? you can be 28 and a year laster be separated for whatever reason. 

    ‘The same could be said for lots of relationhsips where couples in their 20/30s went to a wedding, had photos and spilt up never to be seen again. Relationships ending are more about expections/compatability than purely age.

    i do agree that it’s a lot to spend of someone that you don’t even know the name of though

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    We were aksed if h2bs niece (who will be 22 by time of wedding), could bring her boyfriend. Now her previous boyfriend who she had been with for 3 years and we had met multiple times would have been a yes but she left that guy for her new one, we had no idea who he was so said no. They broke up a few months later and she has a new guy, we have again said no. She's not happy but we dont care. My step sister who is also the same age is not bringing her boyfriend either, despite being together a year or so neither of us has met him and dont want someone neither of us knows there.

    My sister (now 26) has been with her husband since they were 15 (they married age 24). However when he went to uni age 18 she went with him and worked in the same city and they lived together so from then on she was usually invited to things, but age 15-17 it wasn't unusual for her to not be invited despite them being together longer than other couples, simply because of their age.

  • MayBride2019 wrote (see post):

    Sorry but I sort of disagree with Nottinghamshire Bride (in the nicest way possible!). There are obviously exceptions and people do marry their teenage loves which is amazing, but realistically the majority of teenage relationships don't last. I remember being annoyed as a teenager at not being invited to a wedding with my boyfriend, we broke up years and years ago and thank goodness I'm not in the wedding photos of people I'll probably never see again in my life! 

    I’m not offended in the slightest!
    But I do stand by what I said. I was simply making the point that the OP’s post was focused more on the fact that the ‘kids’ -in reality adults- relationship won’t last (which she can’t possibly know) rather than how well she knows said individuals. I could understand if these guests were 14, but they’re in their 20’s so should probably be cut a little more slack. In my honest opinion, if you’re close enough to invite someone to your wedding, you are close enough to support them with their choices and decisions regarding their relationships.
    As I said in my post, I’m in the same situation as OP - h2bs cousin has a new gf who I don’t know (I couldn’t even tell you her name) but wanted her to come to the whole day. We decided not to invite her for the day, just the evening. But that wasn’t a decision because I was making a judgement about the stability or length of their relationship, it was just because I didn’t know her at all and neither did H2B.  

  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,355 New bride

    I speak as someone who married the guy I was dating at 19 - don't invite them.

    We were guilted into inviting the girlfriend of hubby's distant cousin who was 18 at the time (this guy is the grandson of hubby's great aunt) it was terrible. It was a last min invite which meant I had to re do the table plans, didn't know her name beyond Ally (not even sure if that is how she spelt it) which messed up my plan as it was all done very formally.

    They then decided to make a great display of snogging like teenagers outside the church during the photos. The cousin didn't even attempt to introduce her to us until late in the evening. By which point I had had a couple of glasses of wine so ignored her. They broke up 6 months later!

    I have already told hubby that we will be making a great fuss about who gets invited to his wedding.....

     

  • britbirdbritbird Posts: 1,486 New bride

    I am in the no camp as well.  I have cousins who have partners, and they are not invited for the day- we have never met them, they are both 18/19, and as far as I am concerned, the cousin is invited with her parents as part of a family unit, and the partners are not part of that.  Of course if they have been together for years then that is a little different.  We have 1 cousin who is quite young (early 20s) but he and his GF have been together since they were 15, and although they don't live together she is part of the family.  

    I fully appreciate that you can argue that you don't know who will be still together 10 years down the line, and those in long term relationships could be split up, but you have to draw the line somewhere.  We have turned down a couple of plus one requests, including a friend who is in and out of new relationships all the time, and then someone else who- since we have been engaged- has split with his wife, and asked if he can bring his new GF to the wedding... and then when they split up could he bring the next new one... and then the next!  Needless to say she is not invited. 

  • I'm going to comment on a completely different side point here. 

    They are your cousins kids and thus more extended family. How well do you know your cousins and how well do you know their kids? 

    If you know them well, get on very well, then I'd bring it back to how long they have been with their OH's anything over 9-12months (which is what I've been doing for our friends, basically were they together when the STD went out?) and I'd be at least saying evening. However that depends on how much money that you have to spend. 

    If you don't know them that well, it doesn't really matter and I'd say go with your gut. You have family there that you aren't even that close to, you don't need all their hangers on. 

    I will however say that age really doesn't matter because, as said before, you never know at any age just how long a relationship will last. I've got friends from school still dating/married to their OHs from 14-16, and I've friends in their 50s who split up after a year. I met my OH at 20 and we get married this year. I'd say time over age any day. Some people just click together and age doesn't affect that. 

  • I am also marrying the man I have been with since a teenager - 17 :) But I don't think that the OP was having a pop at age. I am in a similar predicament with a couple of my (albeit older) cousins and their boyfriends. I have never met them in my life, and probably won't. Therefore they aint coming, simples :)

  • MrsTraceyMrsTracey Posts: 837 New bride

    I have two younger cousins, one of which had a boyfriend of a few months at the time we got engaged. We left him off the save the date, but said at the time that if they were still together by the time we did proper invitations, we would include him. They are still together and she loved having him there, the family appreciated it and it made him feel like one of the family. Yes, they may break up in the future, but there’s no way of knowing that, and at the time it was a nice thing to do.

    However, I can understand why three extra partners would pose more of an issue, with cost and guest list places being used up. I would invite them to the evening and say that if anyone drops out youll try and include them. Bear in mind too that it could be awkward if you invite one and not the other three (if you care about awkwardness, I definitely would but I know some wouldn’t care!) so I would maybe male it an all or nothing situation. 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,957 New bride

    I would say no, but say they are welcome to the evening reception.

    We aren't having anyone we don't know at our wedding as a matter of choice though.

  • Mila-rose3Mila-rose3 Posts: 264 New bride

    Hi

    Thank you all for your replies. I totally appreciate them.

    Firstly I didn't want to offend anyone, re-reading my post would just like to explain I wasn't calling an 18-20 year old a kid, the 3 guests, 2 are my cousins children and one is another cousins step daughter. My family isn't a family who does loads together, while we would always support eachother you do tend to only get together at Weddings && Funerals unfortunately.

    Also I can totally understand people can split with partners at any age and I would feel the same if the guest was 16 or 50. 

    The 3 boyfriends in question I have never met, don't know their names and see the odd facebook photo to know they are still around. The step daughter I've never spoke to, I just know my cousin would be heartbroken if I disregarded her and invited their younger children and I would never dream of leaving her out either. I also would be concerned about allowing a stranger to be around the 25+ children already invited, especially when I couldn't vouch for them.

    Maybe I'm overthinking things but I love the idea of an evening invite. It seems to be a happy medium

    Thanks all 

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