Hi! We are getting married in Spain in a very intimate and private ceremony, we wanted to cut down cost and hassle, and I am from Spain so this was an ongoing target. We have invited close friends and family only, some people are kind of annoyed as we have been not so long ago to their weddings....But we are not close, and the wedding type was totally different, over 100 for them, and we were 2nd tier friends....... What is the point of inviting all the way down to Spain if we live in the same city but we do not see each other. I just can't see the point. 
Our maximum no is 50, after a few drop outs now it seems that we will be around 34 adults and 11 children and a couple of babies.  Our life is so busy, and not with the wedding....that we don't want to over invest unnecessary time in this, not specially in people who have shown no interest on attending.....

We have sent save the date cards months ago, but my partners Irish family side is kind of neither confirming nor declining ....They live in the country and it is complex and uncomfortable to chase them. We have said in our website, that nobody looks.....that we will not chase anyone. Only the guests who have confirmed will receive a  formal invitation. They had nearly a year to sort themselves out. Is there other way in between? I just don't want to be too harsh ....but is only one side of the crowd and I want to be fair.I know they will not come but I wish to avoid family issues if possible. My side is passionate and firy, we have no discussions we have arguments! but we are completely direct. Then we reconcile again and we all love each other. My partner took some time to get used to.....But his side is the other complete way.....I find it hard, even to shut my mouth, but time will train me.  I guess another way is to call them and ask them directly, the Spanish way ha ha, hopefully the Irish will take this. We need to have full numbers to finalise budget and not to have surprises, that is our main aim. The wedding abroad does not let us much time to play.

Please send me suggestions, specially if you are Irish:-)


  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    Generally a response isn't expected to a save the date card. You send them to give everyone time to figure out if they can make it so that when you send your actual invites, they should be able to RSVP quicker than usual. 

    I would go ahead and send out formal invites to everyone (including the people who have already said they're coming) and base your final numbers on the amount of RSVPs you receive from your formal invites. You'd be surprised how many people (especially when it's a wedding abroad), will jump at the idea to start with and then let you down closer to the time.
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,934 New bride
    I agree with the post above - Save The Dates generally don't require a response. You should send an invitation with a short RSVPA date then you will know.
  • CillatresCillatres Posts: 6 New bride
    Thanks so much for the update, we should have thought that way.....We thought that save the date cards was a major warning, and is such an intimate wedding in June abroad, so if they are coming they should get the flights by now, no later. His mum and sister already book the flights, but some brothers, cousins and aunties are the problem. Some of them already said it will be difficult but we sent the save the date cards for courtesy. We already did the invitations Spanish we do not have RSVP as such, you leave your contact and the guests reply, no time frame.For this wedding we know each other, we knew we had  the no from a couple but we committed to close family from both sides. The invitations are handcrafted and we have a limited number so we cannot send them to everyone, we limited the number to limit costs ..., we were expecting drop outs...My partner has agreed to call them, and if he says its fine, the king of diplomacy it will be. Its just the way to ask and I am sure they will not take it badly.

    Thanks again
  • CillatresCillatres Posts: 6 New bride
    Well, just for the outcome. My amazing partner did his phone calls and guess what, yes, none are coming. Not even his brothers, not because they cannot afford it only not convenient enough. The closest airport is 1:30 h away, but they cannot get public transport or hire a car. We knew his family would be not keen to leave their tinny town, but at least his brothers. Though he is not a priority apparently. I was never keen on them I have to say, but I’m hurt for him. I said well no worries think we have saved all this!!! I told my mum, so my brothers are even closer to him, and for none to make any comments. But hey, I’m getting the most handsome, inside and outside, most intelligent, loyal and kind man I could ever find. And they seem not to realize how amazing he is. Their loss as my mum said, he is now more than ever part of our family.
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