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‘Rustic chic’ in the South Downs - October 2020/2021



  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 293 New bride
    Oh your little getaway for your birthday sounds lovely! What a treat.
    That’s annoying about Ever Pretty. I hope you get the money back somehow!
    Can you try and order the first dress in the sizes just to have them, and then also order the second dress for those who like it and ask them to all come over to try on and see how it looks? Then you can either go with the mix it it looks nice, or go with the maxi one if that’s the better look and at least you have all the sizes! I personally LOVE the second dress. Also I think they would like nice together! 
    For your pregnant friend, that’s a tricky one. As they’re both reasonably flowy from the bust line down, I’d say you’re probably safe to order one size bigger than her normal (non-pregnant) size? Or order the size that fits her now (up top) and again it doesn’t matter too much if it’s a little extra flowy?
  • Personally I think different lengths of dresses would look odd! 

    My bridesmaid is pregnant and we just ordered her dress in a size bigger than she usually has. She's 6 months pregnant and it fits her now so we're fairly confident it will fit when baby is here! 

    Our dresses are from Chi Chi and they're beautiful, I definitely recommend them!
  • Pisces91Pisces91 Posts: 216 New bride
    We're burgundy too! TFNC do some nice dresses and returns are really easy as I had to change some sizes. They size small though so I'd order a size bigger than your bridesmaids are. 

    Dorothy Perkins may also have some burgundy dresses? 

    As for your pregnant BM, I'm 6 months post-birth and it's my boobs that are the problem. I'd say get a dress a couple of sizes too big. It can always be taken in by a good seamstress if she does lose the weight. 
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 210 New bride
    Back from a manic work trip to Qatar and realising that I acually have quite a lot to do on the wedding front this month! When we started planning J and I were doing it all together and I loved how involved he was as I hate the stereotype that the bride plans the wedding. But realistically, I'm the one who works from home and can squeeze more wedding stuff into my day, plus I'm definitely more thorough when it comes to researching (too much so actually). If J was planning it himself it would all be done by now because he would have booked pretty much the first of every vendor he looked at ha.
    But the research has paid off because we have a videographer booked - yay! I went into more detail further up on this thread but basically my big bro is a film editor/director/producer and wanted to edit our wedding film, but because he is playing a big role on the day he can't shoot it. It was SO hard to find high quality videographers who would do a footage only deal, but one of our venue's recomended videographers has agreed to do it for a good price and transfer the footage straight to my brother afterwards. She is lovely, her stuff is fantastic and we're pretty chuffed.
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 293 New bride
    Glad you managed to find a videographer!! So nice to get that ticked off.
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,434 New bride
    That's fab news glad you've got it sorted!! 
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 210 New bride
    Eeek we very nearly have our invitations ready! My talented mum has done the artwork and my lovely designer friend has created them and I’m pretty pleased. There are a couple of tiny tweaks to be done still but here they are, and the info page too. I can’t decide whether to print page on the back of the main card or on a second card.... #overthinking 

  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 210 New bride
    Well, unsurprisingly all planning has slightly paused for the time being. What a crazy situation we're in right now. Massively feeling for everyone due to get married in the next few months - it's all just a nightmare. Much as I hate to say it as we are six months away, I think there's a very good chance we will also have to postpone. Call me a pessimist but I think there's very little chance of everything being even close to normal by October — even if the social distancing measures have been lifted sufficiently to allow proper weddings, the virus won't have gone away until we have a vaccine and I think all 'vulnerable' people will still be advised to avoid gatherings. My mum, J's best man, and his mum all fall into this category and are currently in self-isolation, and I can't bear the thought of putting them in any danger. Then we have my MoH, another bridesmaid and my two brothers who are all flying in from the other side of the world, and we have no idea if flights/travel is still going to be disrupted... It all seems a bit doom and gloom to be honest.
    I don't want the build-up to be full of stress and worry either — we had several events planned for the summer (my main hen, plus another for family etc, a bridesmaid day, a joint hen-stag, J's stag.... ) that almost certainly won't go ahead, and I can't imagine the stress of postponing everything last minute. So, I am looking quite seriously at postponing, and although J doesn't want to make a deciasion right now, he's thinking it too.
    We haven't yet contacted our venue about this possibility - they will be inundated with spring/summer weddings to sort and I don't want to lump our October worries onto them too. But should we be getting in touch soon, at least to find out if postponing is an option? I still have access to their live availability calendar online, and can see that although most of next summer is gone, our date is available at the moment for 2021, and is a Friday! It would mean waiting a whole extra year, which is SO tough, but I think I'd prefer to do that and have a stress-free build up and the autumn wedding we have been dreaming of for the past year....
  • We are in September and I have all of the same concerns. I also think that even if the restrictions on guest numbers are lifted there will be a lot of guests in the at risk categories that either won't want to or will be advised not to come, including my fiancé's dad. 

    I think we are going to leave it until after these initial 12 weeks to see what happens before we make a decision. As much as I hate having this hanging over me I will be gutted if we postpone and everything is OK in September. We are potentially going to have to decide whether to go ahead with fewer guests or whether to wait and have everyone there. I think in the end for us it will depend on whether fiance's dad will come or not.

    I don't think most venues will be allowing postponements from the end of this year yet because they will be dealing with spring and summer weddings. I am worried about it because my main concern is that if we leave it longer there will be no dates left for next year either, but I really can't see many venues postponing weddings at the end of this year yet.

    I can see it from the suppliers point of view - if everyone postpones from this year to next year and the end of this year does turn out to be OK they will potentially lose income from weddings that were scheduled for the end of this year and they will lose income from 2021 because all of the postponed weddings are technically income they should have had this year that are preventing them from taking new bookings for 2021.
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 265 New bride
    I've postponed from this July until next August and honestly it feels like a weight has been lifted because there was just too much uncertainty. It definitely feels like we're back to step one in the planning process though! So far all my suppliers have just changed the date without any issues, I think because everyone is in this same situation they're just really understanding. It doesn't hurt to have a chat with your venue to see what their views are on postponing. 
  • ClareBClareB Posts: 87 New bride
    We have postponed from 25th April to 26th September this year, to be honest we started that process two weeks ago when it seemed like a lot of people hadn't and now I don't know whether we have postponed it far enough. At that point I was concerned I was overreacting and things would be fine by April and we'd have postponed unnecessarily. I also know that I would really struggle to push it back by a year right now, having got so close (it would be a month today). I think honestly no one knows and I guess if we have to postpone again we will but I am also hopeful that since so many big events have been rescheduled for the autumn (the Marathon, gigs, etc) that things will be a lot better then, even if not perfect. I'm not sure this post is really helping you in anyway, other than to say I know how you feel and fingers crossed. If it's really worrying you, read through your contracts / insurance and understand your options - our venue contract allows us to postpone for a fee (less than £200) which we did and so we have the option to do that again if need be.
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,434 New bride
    That’s completely valid, and I wish there was a way to say for sure. We postponed to December but October was our first choice. Whilst we don’t know what the situation will be then, we personally decided if it buys us the time to be able to find a way to share it with those who can’t make it, and to make it safer for those who can, then that was better than nothing. 

    We we aren’t willing to wait another year but that’s just us. We just thought at the very least come the end of this year, this thing will have been around for quite a while and we will all have better understanding of measures we can take, precautions in place, and what we need to do to adjust things. We have pretty much come to terms with the fact some people we love not being able to be present like our grandparents, but hope later in the year it’s safer at least for some others who currently fall into the vulnerable category. 

    If if it’s any consolation, once your venue agrees to postpone it really isn’t too bad a process, I just fired out emails to all suppliers and had a mental list of their priority, so if our photographers couldn’t do the date we would move but if the make up artist couldn’t then we would find someone else. Once we had the go ahead it was pretty much all secured in 24 hours. 
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 210 New bride
    Thanks for all your support - so glad to hear that I'm not overreacting for being worried! @ClareB I have also been really reassured that so many events have been postponed to October, but some of those were announced 10 days ago and I feel as though things have really shifted up a gear since then. It may be that those events will be postponed again, or run in a different/reduced form... The hardest thing is that no one knows - not even the experts! I was chatting to one one of my bridesmaids this morning (on a call, obvs) and she is a research scientist who works with viruses. It was quite unnerving to hear how unsure she is about it all, but she definitely thinks it's not looking good for things being normal again by October.
    BUT the good news is that J and I discussed it at some length last night, and we are both on the same page with wanting to postpone sooner rather than later if we don't see any positive changes after these three weeks of lockdown. I also emailed my venue earlier today, and to my amazement both the coordinator and the bookings director got back to me within the hour and were so reassuring. I could've cried at how lovely and quick they were to respond when they are totally snowed with earlier weddings. Anyway, they're not rearranging weddings later than June at this point, but totally took on board the fact that we might want to, and didn't just tell us it would be fine, which would have infuriated me. They also said we could postpone right now if we wanted to, subject to a £150 fee and any difference in the hire cost, which is totally fine. So I'm going to keep an eye on their live bookings calendar for next year, and see what happens in the next couple of weeks.
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 210 New bride
    Also, IF our wedding does actually go ahead this October, when do you all think is the latest we could send the invites, bearing in mind it's on a Thursday outside holidays and everyone has to travel and book accommodation. We sent save the dates last summer and our website has been live for a month... I have our lovely invites designed and finished, and was planning to send them at the end of March. But I've been holding off getting them printed as I don't want to spend the money when there's a good chance we'll be needing to send 'change the dates' instead...

  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 210 New bride
    Well, my optimism from a couple of weeks ago was dashed fairly swiftly. After a few emails back and forth with my venue's bookings person, it finally transpired that we can't just sit tight for a few weeks to see how things pan out to decide what to do, as we had planned. The only situation in which our venue would let us postpone later down the line is if weddings are banned outright by the government, as of course they are right now, but I think likely not to be in October. If we want to postpone in advance, we have to do it under their normal terms and conditions for postponement, which means we can only postpone more than six months in advance. This means we'd have to decide to postpone and to have booked a new date by 8 April, which is only a couple of days away!
    I do understand their reasoning on this, but the problem is that I don't think weddings will be banned outright in October, but I do think that they are likely to still be restricted in various ways, plus high-risk people like our mums and best man will be advised to avoid gatherings. Then there's the high potential for travel restrictions meaning our family and wedding party members coming from Asia, Australia and the USA may not make it. If we don't postpone now, there is a very strong chance that we would be forced to go ahead with a wedding that is vastly different to what we want, maybe with as few as 6 people there, because they wouldn't allow us to postpone if that is the case! We have decided we just can't risk this, so have decided to postpone now, probably until October 2021. I did try to negotiate one extra month to decide, which I thought was fair under the cirumstances, but they would only give us one extra week.
    So we are now at the stage of contacting all our suppliers (didn't realise we had so many!) to see if they would be willing to reschedule our booking. We haven't heard back from any so far but I'm keeping fingers crossed that we can still keep most of them. What a nightmare this all is!
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 293 New bride
    So sorry to hear you going through this! Such an unbelievable time, and impossible decisions to make.
    Good luck with contacting your suppliers, I hope that all goes smoothly! And hopefully you can get it all wrapped up soon so you can relax and adjust to the new date.
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 265 New bride
    I know exactly how you feel because this was me a couple of weeks ago.
    We had the same concerns 
    - parents not being able to make it (3/4 are vulnerable and both mums have received letters telling them to stay home for 12 weeks),
    - travel not being allowed (the bestman and one of the bridesmaids live in middle eastern countries, currently if the bridesmaid leaves Oman she's not allowed back in!)
    - people just generally not wanting to come
    - not being able to actually organise anything (e.g. How is my seamstress supposed to alter my dress when she's not allowed within 2m of me?!)

    Postponing until next summer has definitely been the best decision for us. It feels like a weight has been lifted and we've got all this time back so we're not going to be rushing about nearer the time had we been allowed to go ahead this year. Everyone has been really understanding about it (although my uncle did tell me he was going to bill me for his hotel room, I think he was joking!)

    Good luck getting it sorted and remember we're all going through this so if you need a rant this is the place to do it as we all understand. 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,434 New bride
    I'm so sorry the venue have been difficult, it really just creates more stress than is needed :( I think you've made the right call though, just for the peace of mind and reduction of stress it seems worth it! I'm sorry you have to wait, but it will be such a wonderful day xx
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 210 New bride
    edited 6 April
    Thank you all so much! It is actually a bit of a weight lifted, and we have heard back from four suppliers overnight, including the one I was most worried about losing/having to pay extra to postpone, which was the band. They were the hardest to find, and the most expensive of everything bar the venue and food, and they are happy to simply postpone, which is great news. Our photographer, hairdresser and pizza van are also happy to just move the date which is fab.
    The venue's restrictions have been frustrating, but to be honest it has made us decide now, which I think is probably a good thing, as now we can crack on with making arrangements rather than umming and aahing. I'm not the sort of person who can put my worries aside to think about later - if I'm worried about something, I need to deal with it straight away, and this is definitely better for my stress levels.
    I'm feeling really sad though. We got engaged just over a year ago and we started looking at venues in april last year, so we are now back at the start of what was meant to be a 18 month engagement. It actually wouldn't be so bad if we didn't already have so much booked and sorted already - what am I am going to do for the next year?! I've actually loved planning and now I want more wedding stuff to do to fill the time and keep me excited! I'm worried I won't be able to get properly excited for it until after our original date has passed, because until then I'm always going to be thinking about what I should have been doing on the original timeline. Or maybe in a month or so I will have got used to being a 2021 bride...
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 293 New bride
    Oh that's so good, so pleased those suppliers have moved without any fuss! What a relief.
    Be gentle with your self and take some time to adjust to the new date! Also now's the time to do all the time consuming tiny details that you may not have had loads of time for before. Do loads of decor planning, make an on the day schedule, your essential photos list, start table planning for the fun of it because why not!! I haven't postponed (wedding is March 2021) but had a reasonably long engagement (engaged end of 2018) so don't have much to do now and I really thought it would ramp up when we were less than a year to go, but it hasn't. So I'm already planning my morning after outfit, bridesmaids gifts, hen do planning, honeymoon outfits (because hey ho, why not!), my wedding website is getting revamped basically every week when I change my mind :D 
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 210 New bride
    Ah so good to hear from someone with a 2 year plus engagement.. can't get my head around the fact that when we now finally get married we will have been engaged 2.5yrs. The saving grace I think is the fact that I have loved wedding planning and we are very lucky that it hasn't proved too stressful so far other than the tricky decisions choosing suppliers. So extending this time isn't too bad really - just feels like such a long time to wait at the moment.
    Today is exactly six months to go until our original date and I can't help but feel down, thinking about the little ways we might have celebrated today if it wasn't for the pandemic. I'm a sucker for celebrating everything - any excuse to crack open a bottle of champers - and we would definitely have had some fizz and maybe gone out for dinner today. We could still have a drink tonight of course, but thinking about our orginal date is just making me sad right now.
    We have now heard back from every supplier bar my make-up artist. I love her and really really want to stick with her, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if I had to find another. The only one we may have an issue postponing with is our videographer, because she had so kindly done us a great footage-only deal for a Thursday. But now we may well have a Friday wedding and she said she probably can't give a Friday over to a footage-only deal as it would probably mean missing out on a couple wanting a full service, which is fair enough. It was SO hard to find her though - I'll be gutted if we lose her and we have to start looking for videographers willing to go footage-only as there's very few around!

  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 293 New bride
    It does seem like a long time but it'll fly by, I'm sure! I have loved the fiancé stage and am already sad it will be over come next March, so whenever I get impatient and want the wedding to come soon, I just try and remind myself of that. Also we'll only plan a wedding once (hopefully!) so why not enjoy it!
    So sorry to hear you're feeling down, not unexpected of course. Do try and celebrate anyways as much as you can! Whenever things seem to go wrong in our lives, I always turn to J and just say what an adventure we always seem to have together, and think of all the crazy stories we will get to tell our children and grand-children. I feel like this pandemic will fuel a fair few stories haha and hopefully will be a time we can look back on as a chance to connect with our partners, problem solve, and grow together.
    Agh that's so frustrating about your videographer, I remember how hard you were finding it before! I think I mentioned before but our videographer (Filmmakers of London) is really nice and operates in an around London so could be worth reaching out to them as a backup in case? I'm sure they would be happy for any new business during this time so you probably will have a bit of leverage!
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 210 New bride
    Well we now have a new date - Friday 8 October 2021. It's the same actual date, which we are really pleased about. I know it doesn't matter really, but we had both got pretty attached to the 8th! All our suppliers are available which is brilliant, and most of them are letting us proceed with the same Thursday price we had orginally agreed, which is amazing as we got some good discounts for it being a Thursday. We have had to pay the venue the price difference, but we are getting the 2020 Friday rate, which we would have been happy to pay in the first place had a Friday been available.
    It's a big relief to have it sorted, even though I'm still feeling sad. This weekend should have been my first dress fitting and our pentultimate planning meeting at the venue and seeing them still in my phone calendar hits quite hard. But instead we're going to crack open a bottle of champagne this weekend and celebrate our new date!!
  • AmyFSToBeAmyFSToBe Posts: 293 New bride
    Glad that's sorted, and that's so great suppliers are honouring your Thursday prices! Such a difficult decision to actually make and have to action but glad it's a weight off your shoulders now. And certainly time to enjoy some champagne!
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 265 New bride
    I'm so glad you got a new date sorted. Do you feel relieved now? I just felt like the stress of not knowing had been lifted straight away. Do you have any plans to mark the date this year? And yes, drink all the champagne! 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,434 New bride
    So glad you’ve got a new date sorted! Really lovely that your suppliers are being so good about it too. Take some time to just look after yourselves, don’t feel the need to keep planning right away and just allow yourself to feel what you feel. It does all start to get a bit easier I promise x
  • MrsH2020MrsH2020 Posts: 210 New bride
    So my bridesmaids dresses that I ordered weeks and weeks ago and forgot about finally turned up today. Can’t decide whether to laugh or cry to be honest - it does seem a bit bittersweet now. But the good news is that I’m pretty pleased with them - in the end we went with two different but hopefully complementing  styles from Chi Chi London and I actually think they look great all together. Obviously the girls haven’t tried them on and won’t be able to for a while but they all selected their sizes based on the sizing chart and we can always get them altered if needs be - we have plenty of time now! 😂 The only tiny thing is that one dress is a very slightly different shade of burgundy - must’ve been a different batch. Can anyone tell which one?? Can’t decide if it’s actually noticeable or not...

  • MrsW2020MrsW2020 Posts: 279 New bride
    Gorgeous dresses! I really can’t tell from that picture which one is a different colour! 
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,434 New bride
    I can't tell at all! They look really lovely!
  • annipooannipoo Posts: 265 New bride
    Ooh, gorgeous colour!

    I love a puzzle and have spent a ridiculously long time trying to work out which one is a different colour. Honestly, no idea! If it's more obvious in person then my guess would be that people would only notice if you pointed it out. 
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