Your planning threads
edited 9 April
Your planning threads
firstly, i'm so sorry you're having to go through all this upheaval with your big day and that family and friends made it difficult to begin with. Weddings really do bring out both the best and worst in people sometimes! In regards to your question about a baby at you wedding, I can't speak from experience but i know plenty of friends who have had their child (and only theirs) at their wedding from ages of 6 months upwards and they've still had the day they wanted (lots of fizz and dancing) they just have had some help with looking after baby/children.
The question is, how long do you want to wait for children? If you already have a condition that MAY prove conceiving is harder ( i mean it may not, lots of people with PCOS have babies quite easily-or easier than they think it could be) Personally i wouldn't wait if you want to have three children. I'm 32 and got married last year and have been trying since November and there is no sign of a baby yet. It's really your decision, there's nothing selfish about wanting the big day and gorgeous honeymoon! If that's what you want then go for it! But if you're desperate to start a family then there's nothing stopping you getting started ASAP. It would be lovely to have your baby at you wedding too!
I have absolutely no advice on the baby thing, sorry! (Children just aren't for us so my opinion holds no weight there!
I just wanted to comment, as I found the way you've put your thoughts into words refreshing, it sounds like you're handling the situation with grace!
We've cancelled our destination wedding, starting again from scratch so that might push us into 2022, however we haven't done the legal bit already, I do feel that you might be 'over it' (the wedding) by then, especially if you do decide to start on the family now... I'm kinda feeling 'over it' and think that we should just put the money in the house deposit fund instead, and we haven't had our perspective changed by new arrivals!
Good luck with what you decide, and good luck TTC when the time is right for you guys!
I'm afraid I have no personal experience on the children front but I have been at weddings where the wedding party have had young children there and they've still had a great time. I think it depends a lot on whether you have family who can help or how you'd feel about arranging a babysitter etc. (assuming they'd still be in the same building if your venue has accommodation). I think it also depends on how fixed your ideas about your day are and how flexible it could be - for example how would you feel if you needed to breastfeed at various times?
As other people have mentioned, you don't know how long it will take to conceive - unless you plan to start trying for a set period and then stop if not successful, you could end up heavily pregnant or with a new born at the wedding.
I would say prioritise having a family and perhaps push your wedding celebration even further into the future, maybe after you've had your 3 kids? You'll know a lot more about how you feel as a parent so you can plan the day accordingly, you'll have learnt everything you know now about all the stress and effort of planning a wedding (and hopefully you'll have navigated some of the difficult things already) and you'll have your lovely family at your celebration.
Good luck with everything!
Sorry to hear about all the stress you have had to go through with your wedding - this is such a nightmare situation. I have only been to one wedding where the couple had a very young child - he was about a year old. He was looked after by the bride's mother I believe during the ceremony and early part of the recception - the fact I can't really remember goes to show that him being there was no biggie from a guest's point of view! I remember the bride being very present, having a great time and drinking lots of fizz too. I'm sure there were plenty of times she had to tend to him, but it certainly didn't seem to stop her having a great day. I think he was taken home by another family member just before the evening party started and the couple certainly had a fabulous time all night. I agree that it definitely depends on what your childcare situation might be - whether you have family who could look after him during the day etc.
Personally I think the element of your wedding plans that would be most impacted by having a baby (or three!) might be the honeymoon. Have you considered taking a big trip before the wedding - technically it could still be your honeymoon as you are already legally married, although this doesn't actually matter at all. You could potentially plan an epic trip for 2021 (as I think committing to travel even for the end of 2020 is dodgy), enjoy that to the max, then crack on with trying for kids - maybe during the holiday
Then, while you might end up waiting another year or more for the wedding day, you would still have been able to have your dream honeymoon, and that might soften the blow of knowing you have to wait. And you could probably still do a smaller, more child-friendly trip just after the wedding when it does happen
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If you really want a baby, I'd go for it! Like the others, I don't yet have a baby (yet, due this month, took 8 months to conceive and I had no known fertility issues), but if you're already legally married and happen to get pregnant quickly, focus on your family life over a one day party. However, that's not to say that you don't deserve to splash out on a fantastic vowel renewal in a couple of years once you've worked out how things are with the baby.
Married 15 December 2018
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edited 9 April