I LOVE 'Say Yes to the Dress'!!!! Randy is a hoot!!
yes but it doesn't hold a candle to "I Found The Gown" IMHO
I hope you have Randy's Wedding Rescue on series link too Tom! I didn't think it could get better than Say Yes To The Dress but I was so so wrong! Xxx
I cannot watch that I don't want to tempt fate
Back to June 2005, Rookery Hall . The Saturday morning after the Friday night. So, it was about 8.30 in the morning, and – hang on, never mind about 8.30 in the morning, don’t be so nosey! Let’s see er…9.30 in the morning. There, that’s better. So we went down for breakfast at half nine, hand in hand (aww).
David was there to greet us and show us to our table.
“Did we sleep well madam?”
I think that was waiter speak for “Were we at it like rabbits, madam?”
“Yes the bed was very comfy thank you David.”
“And what can I get for you this morning madam? Can I recommend the full English? The sausages are delicious”
I put my spoon down and glared at him. His gaze did not waver . His ball point poised, his lips pursed.
“I think I’ll just help myself to some melons and yoghurt.”
“Don’t you start.” I said. “I’ll have egg and bacon .thank you”
I snapped my menu shut. David dramatically plucked it from my hand and sashayed back to the kitchen, while Sarah and me settled down to the serious business of making moon eyes at each other. After the moon eyes were over, it was time for a good dose of smiles and giggles, rounded off nicely with a smattering of “sorry, no you first – no really, after you.”
Have you ever had that at the start of a relationship? Complete togetherness then suddenly back to a weird politeness? No? Maybe its just me then
David returned with my eggs. They went cold. I wasn’t hungry. It was bliss.
I think it was that Saturday morning in that fantastic hotel, that I began to think about the possibility of maybe contemplating the chances of me and Sarah having some sort of future together.
Then the phone calls started. “What time are you back? Can you pick him up after training? I’ve got to go out. We had to go.
We packed quickly and checked out. David waved us off. He seemed genuinely sorry to see us go.
The drive back was agony. I thought about how this would probably never happen again.
I felt really down. Back to reality, no less the logistics of being with Sarah. Kids, exs mothers mortgages, it was impossible.
“This is impossible. We cant upset the kids.”
“Don’t worry Tom.” Sarah squeezed my hand. “I have a plan.”
And even Stormin’ Norman Schwarzkoph couldn’t have come up with a better plan than Sarah
Ohh no! Tom you've left us in suspense again! What was the plan???!!!
Sorry MrsHod2B i will be back to 2005 very soon.
In the meantime...
The Dress. Let’s talk about The Dress. If only I could. I don’t know anything about the dress. I don’t want to know anything about the dress. What dress? Who mentioned the Dress? I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it.
Me and Sarah don’t really row. Sometimes we disagree, sometimes we have a little tiff, very occasionally we are close to having “words”. But a full blown, not speaking, sweary high volume hammer and tongs? No.
That is until Sarah started talking about the problems she was having deciding what to wear on her wedding day. We had named the date and things would have gone a lot smoother if I hadn’t come out with four words to strike a chill into the heart of any bride not in the first flush of youth. “What four words are they Tom?” I hear you wince from behind your world cup cushions. Well let me put my tin hat on and explain….
Sarah wont see 21 again, but then again neither will I . And before we named the day I knew as much about weddings as Gok Wan knows about blown head gaskets (hang on, maybe ….no, doesn’t matter).
So, In my head there were three looks for an older bride, Mrs Haversham, Giant Meringue and…well I’ll tell you
Sarah came in flustered, she was muttering under her breath and couldn’t settle. Now to a great reader of Human behaviour like me, I could tell that something was on her mind.
“What’s up chicken?
“I’m fretting about what to wear on my Wedding Day.
It was then that I uttered the four words. And I didn’t even drop the paper to bark it across the room.
“Oh that? I just thought you’d go out and buy an Age Appropriate Trouser Suit.
But not a tranquil quiet that settles over a house that's at peace with itself. This was a chilling, bone freezing silence, a deal breaker silence in the middle of a row. A pause before the storm, a drawing back of the tide before the tsunami.
I lowered my force field (The Guardian) a quarter of an inch. Then I caught the molten fury in her eyes. The force field slid back up. A puny defence against what was to follow.
“Trouser suit? What are you on about?
“Well my auntie Joan looked lovely when she got married (wrong answer)
“She was 71!
“Yes but, er….she, didn’t look her age? (second wrong answer. Made worse because phrased as question )
Sensing a faux pas on a tectonic scale, I desperately tried to slam the conversation into reverse.
“Look, I’m sure you’ll look amazing whatever frock you choose
“Frock? Why don’t I just get a maxi dress from Tesco?
“No, don’t go there, there’s bride shops full of frocks
“Will you stop saying frocks, please? Maybe I’m too old for this, , maybe we should just call the whole thing off, maybe I’m being ridiculous
She sat and started flicking through wedding magazines. I jettisoned my force field and went to sit on the arm of the chair. I put my hand on her shoulder, she threw it off with a sharp roll of her deltoid. This was bad. Really bad. I stayed where I was. Blurs of white fluff flicked past my eyes. Some were smudged. Drip, drip. Sarah was crying.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a bit of a tough guy. (stop laughing.) But I cant stand it when she cries. And this is a sort of a helpless, sands of time, femininity draining, inevitable
kind of upset that drills itself down like a bo weevil into the bowels of a woman’s despair.
“Just leave me alone Tom.”
She stood up grabbed her coat and made for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Marks and Spencer, that’s where. Happy?”
I didn’t know what she meant, but at the same time I sort of did
I jumped into the passanger seat. I didnt know what was in M&S, but whatever it was, it wasn’t good…
Oh Tom you silly man!! What happens next?!?! x
i got to get Rob home from uni so ill post laters x
world cup commitments permitting
Please be assured you are far from the only man who has made a "foot in mouth" comment about Bridal attire! My lovely groom was watching Don't Tell The Bride, when he commented upon a long veil, complete with a blusher "That's a bit much, isn't it?". Same length as the one I have! Argh. Luckily, he managed to save the conversation by noting it was the blusher that he didnt really like!
Anyone for tennis?
Does Sarah read your thread, it might be interesting to get her take on it, it could then perhaps be called a tale of two ditties! (groan my apologies I'm not as good with wit and humour as you!) although I am loving your story thus far.
I haven't posted for a while and realised how much I have missed your wedding tale, keep your eyes of the balls and back on the thread which should be a bit easier now England appear to be on their way home. (and yes I did mean footballs)
thanks for your kind words Candy
sarah is giving me my head on this twin narrative. Whenever I run to her with the latest post and hold it out for her approval, she casts an eye over it, pats my head and says
thats lovely tom ,you're a very clever boy.
so she is fully on board !
Excuse me but.... what in the name of the Lord does "sarah is giving me my head on this twin narrative" mean?
Have you had a liquid lunch?
Sarah granted me carte Blanche to describe a) how we met and b) how our wedding plans are going.
is that clearer dear?
So, Mark and Spencers. M and S. (By the way, don’t ever get those initials mixed up, because let me tell you, S&M is not for anyone with a delicate disposition, or a bad back.)
So we get to this huge out of town behemoth. A vast church where the devoted go to pray at the alter of those twin gods named “good value” and “this is a bit pricey I’ll tell you what, let's come back on Monday see if it’s been marked down again.” (bit of a long name for a deity, admittedly).
Of course we never got to the trouser suit section (if such a department exists). We just sat in a different tax dodging coffee franchise as Sarah patiently explained to me the monumental pressure (mainly self imposed ) that a girl is under to find “The Dress” (at this point, Randy was merely a diamante sparkle in Sarah’s eyes).
I nodded and mmmd in all the right places. I perked up at the word fishtail, as it brought back memories of sliding my mates old bmw around his estate late one summer night. Sarah spotted my far away look. She began to gather the detritus scattered across the table
“Anyway, are you right?”
This actually translates as “Ok I can see you’re not listening, so let’s just go shall we?”
Salvaging the day from this point is tricky, it’s like a goalie trying to scrabble back on his feet once the striker has rounded him to put the ball into the empty net. Not impossible, but almost always doomed to failure. I had to think quick
“Sarah. I am not the best person to talk to about this, in fact, I can’t talk to you about this, I can’t go with you can I? I cant know anything about it. All I can do is give you a lot of support
“I’m not Manchester fucking Utd.”
“I know, but I understand now how tricky it is. Look, lets have a look at what wedding shops are about, why don’t you take a day out to have a scutch around.”
“But I always go shopping with you? Who am I going to go with?Deb (MOH) is working long hours and my Mum is too infirm.
“Why don’t you take my Mum?”
The words turned to dust in my mouth, like biting on sand at the beach.
“Are you for real?”
“Ok, scrub that.”
“Tom, I need someone who is not going to bullshit, someone who is going to say it like it is, someone who is not going to care what people think. I need someone who is going to be totally, brutally honest”
Then, for the first and last time in the wedding process, I had an original idea of my own.
“Sarah, I know just the person….”
Who, who is this magical person?!
Yes, who?? I love this, have spent a very happy time catching up
LOL I had the same problem when I started Dress shopping. Paul is my best friend and I've always valued his opinion, so not having him with me when I was looking for 'the one' was murder but I had a brilliant friend to help me out
My sister Ella and I have endured a fractious brother /sister relationship in recent years. But no matter how hissy the spat, the unique sibling bond between us has always managed to cauterise any fissure in the brother /sister friendship.
Ella actually met Sarah before me. She was on the playing field with her daughter while Sarah played with an infant Hannah. It caused must hilarity when Ella discovered that Sarah and I were an item. She wondered what a nice girl like her saw in a oaf like me; the affection-disguised-as-insult shtick holding just as strongly today as it ever did.
And so it was that Ella was recruited to invigilate Sarah as she sought out her gown
“Listen darling, if you look a bastard in any of these frocks, believe me, Ella will tell you.
They set off to hunt for “ the dress.”
The first shop they entered Sarah pulled on a bridesmaids dress because she thought it would be an acceptable halfway house between a real bride and, well, someone who is at the wedding but is not actually getting married.
She emerged trepidatiously from the changing rooms.
Ells immediately passed judgement,
“Yes, very nice, if you were a bridesmaid, but you're not, you’re the bride. So get it off.
The owner appeared . A stern faced woman with horn rimed glasses. Ella sought her opinion
“Look, will you tell her love, she is the bride, so tell her to get a bloody bridal gown on! Never mind that she’s not 21
So under orders, Sarah started to try on dresses. On that first day she tried on 6. Each time appearing from behind the curtain, unsure of whether she liked it and unwilling to offer an opinion unless she upset the owner. Ella was unworried by any social constraints such a politeness.
Sarah tried on dress number one . The owner cooed appreciatively
“Now that looks lovely on you.
Ella begged to differ
“No it doesn’t, you look a bloody state, get it off
Head slightly bowed, Sarah picked up her train and toddled off back behind the curtain
Dress number two didn’t fair much better
“Jesus, you look like Tugboat Annie, get it off
Dress number3 -
“Have you just come back from casualty ? That’s just a load of bandages. Off!
Number six didn’t even get an response. Just a shake of the head
The stern faced owner showed them out of the shop. .
Sarah was on a downer after leaving the establishment.
“This is futile
“Don’t be silly, this is only shop number one, there’s another 13 to explore.
“I don’t want to put you out. Debi is coming with me next week.
“Don’t worry about me, I’m having a lovely time. Anyway just wait here I wont be a minute
Ella went back towards the shop
“Ella, where are you going?
“Back inside, I’m going to ask her if she wants to advertise in my magazine
And with that, beaming expectantly, Ella trotted off to chat to her new friend.
The quest for the dress was only just beginning...
Finally found the time to sit and read your story properly. Loving it so far.
Can't wait for the happy ending xx
thats great . Glad it enjoying thread did you stumble upon it or did you hear about thread? I'm in middle of designing a blog so will see hoe that goes
Dress hunt part II
Everyday during that agonising fortnight I would wait expectantly for Sarah to return from her dress search. She would shake her head and flop down on the sofa. It was difficult observing from the sidelines and being unable to help . I couldn’t offer any advice nor could she give me any pointers.
Then one night – I don’t know how or why – I found myself flicking through magazines full of bridal gowns. It may even have been that magnificent periodical known as You and Your Wedding.
This act of solidarity with our marriage journey brought a strange reaction from Sarah. She walked in on me browsing through the mags and it stopped her dead in her tracks
“Tom, What are you doing looking a dresses?”
“Er, I just thought I’d see if I could help my love.” I licked the tip of my finger, gave a little sigh, and returned to my page flicking.
“Tom, is there something you want to tell me?
I put the journal down.
“Look, do you want me to help or not?” Sarah exited the room and after a short pause, during which I heard her groan under the weight of something heavy, returned with armfuls of glossy magazines that slipped and fell about her like a freshly caught haul of cod. She plopped down beside me and once again I was plastered in gorgeousness.
Then the flicking began in earnest. But it wasn’t a joint effort. I flicked, she stared. She looked at the image on the page then stared at my face for my reaction.
“What do you think of that one, and that one? What about that? And that?”
I felt like I was down the precinct going through mug shots as a detective waited for me to pick out my attacker. I looked up from magazine number three and recoiled slightly as Sarah’s glare bored into my eyes
“Why are you staring at me like that?”
The stare became darker “I’m not staring at you. “
“Well, you are.”
“I just value your opinion.”
“My opinion about dresses? How can you value it? I haven’t got an opinion. I don’t value your opinion about Everton’s midfield, do I?”
“You must know what you like? You have looked at enough
“Yes but after a while they all merge into one. It’s like that time we went all inclusive in Grand Canaria, after three days everything starts to taste the same. Well after a few hours these all start to look the same, you know what I mean?”
Sarah grabbed a publication so thick and heavy I had wondered if I might borrow it to do a mini home workout. She pointed at yet another svelte twenty one year old stunner adorned head to toe in silk
“Well what do you think of that A Line with the puddle train?”
“I’m not talking to you if you are going to speak in riddles.”
No, really? do you like it? Really?
Actually, no I don’t like it
Sarah’s face fell “Why? Why don't you like it?”
Fearing I had said something terrible I did what all men do when faced with disappointed partner. I lied and backtracked.
“Well when I say I don’t like it I mean, that I have certain reservations, but it would look nice on you, probably. I mean she’s not got your figure, mind you, looking at her, neither has any other woman in Britain got her figure, er…” My pathetic dribblings ran into the sand.
“That’s fine. At least your being honest.
“Am I? I mean yes I am .”
The phone rang. I answered. It was Ella
“Has she told you what’s happened?
“She hasn’t told me anything. What?
“We’ve found the dress! Today in Liverpool! We found it! Can you believe it?”
“Oh, right. Well that’ good news. I got to go.”
I hung up. I turned to Sarah
“That was Ella, she said you found the dress.
“Yes we have, but now I’m panicking
“Because I’m worried that you wont like it.
“I’m sure I will. What’s it like?
“I cant tell you, can I?
“Well if you don’t tell me what it looks like I cant give an opinion. Is that why you’ve been staring at me?
“Yes, trying to gauge your reaction.
“And have I seen something similar to yours?
“Yes, just now.
“And what did I do?
“You shrivelled up your nose, like this.
“Did I? I don’t remember ?
“Well you did.
“I might have shrivelled up my nose because I was happy
“Don’t insult my intelligence. Oh Tom what am I going to do if you don’t like it?
I made a mental note -Tom, next time you look at your favourite BMW in a car mag, shrivel up your nose.
“Don’t worry. It will be fine. How did you know it was the one for you?
“It was obvious really. Because of what Ella did.
“And what on earth was it that Ella did?
“Well let me tell you…..
WHAT DID SHE DO????
patience is a virtue. Let me get on with it
What did Ella do? I'm on the verge of picking my dress - which is very difficult without the input of the only other person as important at the wedding as myself!! Maybe I need an Ella!
Just gotten around to catching up! I do enjoy reading this thread and I think I've worked out why Sarah was so upset... Please hurry and add the next installment!!
Hi guys I'm just at work at the moment and the boss is looking at me funny so will post later